Manufacturing my own unhappiness

[Nice But Dim Jim]

It's been a while since I last posted on here but the black dog is back with vengeance lately.

I am under not illusion that my unhappiness and resulting loneliness is manufactured by my own hands. I haven't been dealt poor hands in life, I've created and now I want to fix it but don't know how.

I lost one person I cared for more than life itself due to my miserableness and haven't learnt since. I can't fall in love again because I won't let myself, I keep sabotaging relationships that seem too good and the one person I want to have a relationship with is toxic, plays with me and is mentally more unstable than myself! Part of me wants to help fix her, like if I can make her happy it will make me happy but it will never happen

Why am I doing this to myself?

 

[LonelySutton]

I can't fall in love again because I won't let myself, I keep sabotaging relationships that seem too good and the one person I want to have a relationship with is toxic, plays with me and is mentally more unstable than myself! Part of me wants to help fix her, like if I can make her happy it will make me happy but it will never happen
Why am I doing this to myself?

I was thinking about this today as well. At every turn, wherever I get a choice about things, I make choices that are going to make me unhappy and though, I know these aren't the right choices, I can't help it and maybe even like get a little high off the choice like I am being a rebel. My life is a product of my making but why did I make it this way. Fear? I doubt it. More like I can't stand doing what everyone else does. I can't stand making the conventional choice. Not only do I think it is far too late for me to turn it around, I suspect strongly I would not be able to.

 

[TheRealCallie]

It could be that you are afraid to be happy. Maybe you feel that if you get a relationship and things go well you won't be any happier than you are now. Or maybe it's because you don't want to get hurt again, so you hurt them before they can hurt you.

But one thing I know is that you can't be happy by "fixing" someone and while you can help them along the way, only they can fix their own self. If you choose to be with someone, be with them because you accept them, as they are, not for what they COULD be.

 

[Nice But Dim Jim]

i don't think I'm ever going to be happy, I don't know how to be?

 

[Despicable Me]

i don't think I'm ever going to be happy, I don't know how to be?

Then take this as an opportunity to learn. You do not need to be afraid of making a few mistakes. That is how we all learn.

 

[Nice But Dim Jim]

How do you learn to be happy if everything is disinteresting to you?

I literally enjoy nothing! Lol

 

[Despicable Me]

How do you learn to be happy if everything is disinteresting to you?

I literally enjoy nothing! Lol

Then that is another opportunity to learn something new. Perhaps it is even the same journey.

---

I'm not really someone to tell someone else where they should begin their journeys when they already recognize the problem.
So I will just tell you I used to have somewhat the same problem. I used to sabotage myself. Although my circumstances were certainly not beneficial, they also weren't the worst I could imagine. I manufactured my own happiness in a world that I saw only mistreated me. And so I learned only to mistreat it. I had never learned to be happy. No one ever taught me anything like that. I'm not really sure anyone ever taught me anything back then. I taught myself in practically all things, and in doing so maybe I left out many of the most important things one should learn.

Long story short, I got over myself. I realized that there is already enough pain in this world and that adding to it is not beneficial to me or anyone else. I eventually realized that I could add happiness to the world, even if it was not my own. And in many ways that helped me to discover and learn what happiness was by recognizing it in others.

Happiness is not something that is simply obtained. It is not something consumed. Money can not buy it. The world does not give it to you.
Happiness is a journey. Begin that journey and you'll find that producing it is not only easy, but the only way to truly live.

 

[sad potato]

How do you learn to be happy if everything is disinteresting to you?

I literally enjoy nothing! Lol

Then that is another opportunity to learn something new. Perhaps it is even the same journey.

---

I'm not really someone to tell someone else where they should begin their journeys when they already recognize the problem.
So I will just tell you I used to have somewhat the same problem. I used to sabotage myself. Although my circumstances were certainly not beneficial, they also weren't the worst I could imagine. I manufactured my own happiness in a world that I saw only mistreated me. And so I learned only to mistreat it. I had never learned to be happy. No one ever taught me anything like that. I'm not really sure anyone ever taught me anything back then. I taught myself in practically all things, and in doing so maybe I left out many of the most important things one should learn.

Long story short, I got over myself. I realized that there is already enough pain in this world and that adding to it is not beneficial to me or anyone else. I eventually realized that I could add happiness to the world, even if it was not my own. And in many ways that helped me to discover and learn what happiness was by recognizing it in others.

Happiness is not something that is simply obtained. It is not something consumed. Money can not buy it. The world does not give it to you.
Happiness is a journey. Begin that journey and you'll find that producing it is not only easy, but the only way to truly live.

---

Wise words. Also, really apt signature. I agree with you a hundred percent that one needs to work for his/her happiness. And I can feel the joy returning to my life when I do it. At these moments I might be alone, but I'm not lonely. I'm at peace with myself and working for something greater. But I also want to know how to deal with distractions- when the world wants to reject you just because you are better off alone? It tries to mind-wash you into thinking that you are miserable when actually you are at your self-fulfilling best. Any suggestions?

---

It's been a while since I last posted on here but the black dog is back with vengeance lately.

I am under not illusion that my unhappiness and resulting loneliness is manufactured by my own hands. I haven't been dealt poor hands in life, I've created and now I want to fix it but don't know how.

I lost one person I cared for more than life itself due to my miserableness and haven't learnt since. I can't fall in love again because I won't let myself, I keep sabotaging relationships that seem too good and the one person I want to have a relationship with is toxic, plays with me and is mentally more unstable than myself! Part of me wants to help fix her, like if I can make her happy it will make me happy but it will never happen

Why am I doing this to myself?

"the black dog is back with vengeance lately" - I like the evocative imagery. Seems like you've already understood your problem. Why not act upon it? Maybe getting yourself into a toxic relationship is the way to manufacture unhappiness. Maybe you want to be in a relationship with this person because she validates the toxic thoughts you have towards yourself. I'm no expert, but it's pretty evident from your post. Nobody is for you to 'fix', except maybe for yourself. I think you should try to talk to and about yourself in a much more positive light.

 

[Nice But Dim Jim]

How do you learn to be happy if everything is disinteresting to you?

I literally enjoy nothing! Lol

Then that is another opportunity to learn something new. Perhaps it is even the same journey.

---

I'm not really someone to tell someone else where they should begin their journeys when they already recognize the problem.
So I will just tell you I used to have somewhat the same problem. I used to sabotage myself. Although my circumstances were certainly not beneficial, they also weren't the worst I could imagine. I manufactured my own happiness in a world that I saw only mistreated me. And so I learned only to mistreat it. I had never learned to be happy. No one ever taught me anything like that. I'm not really sure anyone ever taught me anything back then. I taught myself in practically all things, and in doing so maybe I left out many of the most important things one should learn.

Long story short, I got over myself. I realized that there is already enough pain in this world and that adding to it is not beneficial to me or anyone else. I eventually realized that I could add happiness to the world, even if it was not my own. And in many ways that helped me to discover and learn what happiness was by recognizing it in others.

Happiness is not something that is simply obtained. It is not something consumed. Money can not buy it. The world does not give it to you.
Happiness is a journey. Begin that journey and you'll find that producing it is not only easy, but the only way to truly live.

---

Wise words. Also, really apt signature. I agree with you a hundred percent that one needs to work for his/her happiness. And I can feel the joy returning to my life when I do it. At these moments I might be alone, but I'm not lonely. I'm at peace with myself and working for something greater. But I also want to know how to deal with distractions- when the world wants to reject you just because you are better off alone? It tries to mind-wash you into thinking that you are miserable when actually you are at your self-fulfilling best. Any suggestions?

---

It's been a while since I last posted on here but the black dog is back with vengeance lately.

I am under not illusion that my unhappiness and resulting loneliness is manufactured by my own hands. I haven't been dealt poor hands in life, I've created and now I want to fix it but don't know how.

I lost one person I cared for more than life itself due to my miserableness and haven't learnt since. I can't fall in love again because I won't let myself, I keep sabotaging relationships that seem too good and the one person I want to have a relationship with is toxic, plays with me and is mentally more unstable than myself! Part of me wants to help fix her, like if I can make her happy it will make me happy but it will never happen

Why am I doing this to myself?

"the black dog is back with vengeance lately" - I like the evocative imagery. Seems like you've already understood your problem. Why not act upon it? Maybe getting yourself into a toxic relationship is the way to manufacture unhappiness. Maybe you want to be in a relationship with this person because she validates the toxic thoughts you have towards yourself. I'm no expert, but it's pretty evident from your post. Nobody is for you to 'fix', except maybe for yourself. I think you should try to talk to and about yourself in a much more positive light.

---

---

I understand my problem all too well, I am the problem.

Sometimes I forget how well I have it and focus on the negatives, especially during winter. I plan to invest some quality time in myself starting now.

I want one thing more than anything else but I need to work on myself before I can have it

 

[sad potato]

How do you learn to be happy if everything is disinteresting to you?

I literally enjoy nothing! Lol

Then that is another opportunity to learn something new. Perhaps it is even the same journey.

---

I'm not really someone to tell someone else where they should begin their journeys when they already recognize the problem.
So I will just tell you I used to have somewhat the same problem. I used to sabotage myself. Although my circumstances were certainly not beneficial, they also weren't the worst I could imagine. I manufactured my own happiness in a world that I saw only mistreated me. And so I learned only to mistreat it. I had never learned to be happy. No one ever taught me anything like that. I'm not really sure anyone ever taught me anything back then. I taught myself in practically all things, and in doing so maybe I left out many of the most important things one should learn.

Long story short, I got over myself. I realized that there is already enough pain in this world and that adding to it is not beneficial to me or anyone else. I eventually realized that I could add happiness to the world, even if it was not my own. And in many ways that helped me to discover and learn what happiness was by recognizing it in others.

Happiness is not something that is simply obtained. It is not something consumed. Money can not buy it. The world does not give it to you.
Happiness is a journey. Begin that journey and you'll find that producing it is not only easy, but the only way to truly live.

---

Wise words. Also, really apt signature. I agree with you a hundred percent that one needs to work for his/her happiness. And I can feel the joy returning to my life when I do it. At these moments I might be alone, but I'm not lonely. I'm at peace with myself and working for something greater. But I also want to know how to deal with distractions- when the world wants to reject you just because you are better off alone? It tries to mind-wash you into thinking that you are miserable when actually you are at your self-fulfilling best. Any suggestions?

---

It's been a while since I last posted on here but the black dog is back with vengeance lately.

I am under not illusion that my unhappiness and resulting loneliness is manufactured by my own hands. I haven't been dealt poor hands in life, I've created and now I want to fix it but don't know how.

I lost one person I cared for more than life itself due to my miserableness and haven't learnt since. I can't fall in love again because I won't let myself, I keep sabotaging relationships that seem too good and the one person I want to have a relationship with is toxic, plays with me and is mentally more unstable than myself! Part of me wants to help fix her, like if I can make her happy it will make me happy but it will never happen

Why am I doing this to myself?

"the black dog is back with vengeance lately" - I like the evocative imagery. Seems like you've already understood your problem. Why not act upon it? Maybe getting yourself into a toxic relationship is the way to manufacture unhappiness. Maybe you want to be in a relationship with this person because she validates the toxic thoughts you have towards yourself. I'm no expert, but it's pretty evident from your post. Nobody is for you to 'fix', except maybe for yourself. I think you should try to talk to and about yourself in a much more positive light.

---

---

I understand my problem all too well, I am the problem.

Sometimes I forget how well I have it and focus on the negatives, especially during winter. I plan to invest some quality time in myself starting now.

I want one thing more than anything else but I need to work on myself before I can have it

---

---

Think of it this way: the only person who is trying everything in his power to fix your life is you. So, how can you be the problem? You are obviously the solution. Be easy on yourself, because few others are going to be. Enjoying the time with yourself is a good idea. I used to know how to do that. Trying to get back that essential life-skill.

 

[Nice But Dim Jim]

The problem I find about enjoying time with myself is the outcome! I remember doing wee bits and bobs around the house or on the car and I always hound it satisfying but nowhere near a,s satisfying as showing the finished article to my partner and seeing the pride she felt, I miss that completely.