warrior452
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- Apr 3, 2017
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This might not be the right board for this topic, but I wasn't sure where to post it.
I don't know what to do...I'm a 23 year old man. I made a lot of poor academic choices during my first two years of college. My third year of school started off rough, but I started to slowly overcome the obstacles I made for myself. I was promoted at work. I passed classes I had failed or that had been hard for me. I was starting to make things work. Due to past consequences, I was bumped from a bachelors to associates degree, but I was doing well, and I was set to graduate with no hitches. My plan was just to be done, and then save and go back for a second degree.
My mom has always been obsessive about stuff all through high school. Getting in arguments with me over how I sat, or if I made a certain face, or what direction I combed my hair. If I dressed a certain way. Any huge mistake was treated as World War 3. At the end of year 3, she told me she'd had enough, and even though I wanted to stay and finish, I dropped out of college, rather than deal with arguing with her. Her and my father hadn't paid for any of my college bill since my freshman year, with the exception of about $200.
It's been a hard year. I decided not to return, and then last minute the university got a hold of me and was going to rush me through stuff in August, just so I could go back. She shut me down hard. I only have a semester of work left.
She made me get the first job home I could get ahold of, which happened to be fast food and a convenience store. Leaving school completely threw my whole life plan. I honestly have no idea what I want to do, and there are only so many choices that my parents will support. So, as a coping mechanism, I paid the minimums on my bills and nickel-and-dimed the rest away on shopping. I never missed a bill.
Now, this pissed my parents off. Before I explain, some background...
Three years ago, I asked to move out for the summer with a guy friend from school. We found a cheap apartment, and I had the money. It would've been tough, but we could've made it work. I was 20. I was told that I was irresponsible and unable to take care of myself. Two summers ago, I was looking into staying with two other friends. Was told the same thing - I needed to come home, because that wasn't a good thing for me.
If I were to move out, I would be able to support myself. I wouldn't have anything left over. But I could handle rent, my loans, and bills. My parents treat me like I would be out on the streets. They told me that they were helping me out to help me save and start over. They refuse to let me pay them rent or help with groceries, but in turn, I have to do what work they ask for around the house, abide by their rules (many of which I was under as a teenager).
So, all of this came to a boiling point yesterday. I was told that I should be thankful that my parents allowed me to come back home (when in reality I was given the option of come home, or risk our anger/ruining our relationship) and that if it weren't for them caring for them, I would be out on the streets living off of food stamps, living in government housing. I regularly pay for grocery stuff for them. I have offered to pay them rent.
I work 45-60 hours a week. I'm far from lazy. I just have very little savings.
She continued to say that I'm a fool. I was told that I'm functionally unable to take care of myself, and that I don't deserve to be treated like an adult, and that they're going to stage an intervention until I "fix myself." "Fixing myself" includes losing 75 pounds, listening to this weight-loss podcast and this conservative money management show daily, journaling daily, doing a certain amount of housework daily to earn my place, paying off $25,000 in student loans before I move out, etc.
Not to mention the fact that there are still arguments on what I wear, where I go, who I'm with, what music I listen to, etc.
I have pursued 4 different girls just within the last few years, and have either been told "Your gross," "I just don't see myself with you," or "I'm just not interested." I got told yesterday by my mom that I never pursue girls, and then I complain that "Oh, woe is me. I don't have a girlfriend."
It's depressing. And I'm told that I'm angry, spiteful, and vindictive. I want to stand up for myself, but I'm not sure what I deserve to demand, and what I need to give them. I want to be fair, but their behavior is controling my life, and it's depressing. I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do...I'm a 23 year old man. I made a lot of poor academic choices during my first two years of college. My third year of school started off rough, but I started to slowly overcome the obstacles I made for myself. I was promoted at work. I passed classes I had failed or that had been hard for me. I was starting to make things work. Due to past consequences, I was bumped from a bachelors to associates degree, but I was doing well, and I was set to graduate with no hitches. My plan was just to be done, and then save and go back for a second degree.
My mom has always been obsessive about stuff all through high school. Getting in arguments with me over how I sat, or if I made a certain face, or what direction I combed my hair. If I dressed a certain way. Any huge mistake was treated as World War 3. At the end of year 3, she told me she'd had enough, and even though I wanted to stay and finish, I dropped out of college, rather than deal with arguing with her. Her and my father hadn't paid for any of my college bill since my freshman year, with the exception of about $200.
It's been a hard year. I decided not to return, and then last minute the university got a hold of me and was going to rush me through stuff in August, just so I could go back. She shut me down hard. I only have a semester of work left.
She made me get the first job home I could get ahold of, which happened to be fast food and a convenience store. Leaving school completely threw my whole life plan. I honestly have no idea what I want to do, and there are only so many choices that my parents will support. So, as a coping mechanism, I paid the minimums on my bills and nickel-and-dimed the rest away on shopping. I never missed a bill.
Now, this pissed my parents off. Before I explain, some background...
Three years ago, I asked to move out for the summer with a guy friend from school. We found a cheap apartment, and I had the money. It would've been tough, but we could've made it work. I was 20. I was told that I was irresponsible and unable to take care of myself. Two summers ago, I was looking into staying with two other friends. Was told the same thing - I needed to come home, because that wasn't a good thing for me.
If I were to move out, I would be able to support myself. I wouldn't have anything left over. But I could handle rent, my loans, and bills. My parents treat me like I would be out on the streets. They told me that they were helping me out to help me save and start over. They refuse to let me pay them rent or help with groceries, but in turn, I have to do what work they ask for around the house, abide by their rules (many of which I was under as a teenager).
So, all of this came to a boiling point yesterday. I was told that I should be thankful that my parents allowed me to come back home (when in reality I was given the option of come home, or risk our anger/ruining our relationship) and that if it weren't for them caring for them, I would be out on the streets living off of food stamps, living in government housing. I regularly pay for grocery stuff for them. I have offered to pay them rent.
I work 45-60 hours a week. I'm far from lazy. I just have very little savings.
She continued to say that I'm a fool. I was told that I'm functionally unable to take care of myself, and that I don't deserve to be treated like an adult, and that they're going to stage an intervention until I "fix myself." "Fixing myself" includes losing 75 pounds, listening to this weight-loss podcast and this conservative money management show daily, journaling daily, doing a certain amount of housework daily to earn my place, paying off $25,000 in student loans before I move out, etc.
Not to mention the fact that there are still arguments on what I wear, where I go, who I'm with, what music I listen to, etc.
I have pursued 4 different girls just within the last few years, and have either been told "Your gross," "I just don't see myself with you," or "I'm just not interested." I got told yesterday by my mom that I never pursue girls, and then I complain that "Oh, woe is me. I don't have a girlfriend."
It's depressing. And I'm told that I'm angry, spiteful, and vindictive. I want to stand up for myself, but I'm not sure what I deserve to demand, and what I need to give them. I want to be fair, but their behavior is controling my life, and it's depressing. I don't know what to do.