SighX99
Well-known member
- Joined
- May 5, 2007
- Messages
- 281
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Here I am, stuck in traffic as always. its raining hard. whenever it rains, i always thought of her. what would she be doing this second? stuck in traffic like me? or out hanging out with her new group of friends? perhaps without a single thought of me, just like everyone else i know in my city. im unloved. no one is my friend anymore. talk about how to lose friends and alienate people.
still stuck in traffic, i have a nasty habit of observing other people's actions. most of the time people are on their cellphones, or talking to their pessenger... and me? still alone. no one has called me yet and its 9pm, and im still stuck in traffic. tried to call someone, but no one is available at this moment for me. the rain is relentless and unforgiving. every drop of the rain reminds me of my past mistakes. how i shouldnt have roomed with that ************, how i shouldnt have listened to my parents, or else i wouldve had a fun college life, how she made out with my best friend in front of me, gosh that image is still fuckin there. how i still havent met any girl from my college, how am i going to quit my nasty drug habit, which has helped me the most to get through honeysuckle? how did i end up so lonely? how ive basically alienated everyone that i kno...
finally got back home. turned on the new gaming laptop i just bought. pretty much the only friend i have in this world that will make me appreciate life. started using MSN messenger, see if any of my "friends" in taiwan are on. these friends are people i havent seen for years and probably have forgotten about me long ago... i went to a taiwanese boarding school for a year before i moved to the US 8 years ago. basically i got to know these people for a year, then moved to USA. i was such an *******. people made fun of me constantly, i made fun of people as well. but overall, i thought i had decent friends at that boarding school. and i hated that ******* school.
o this girl i knew from my old taiwanese boarding school is on MSN messenger. she definitely does not remember me because last time i tried to talk to her, she really didnt want to talk to me... i checked her profile like a stalker, just to see how she looks after all these years...then i found her "alumni party pictures" section... i never shouldve opened this folder, but these were pictures of my old boarding school friends, all having fun and drinking and eating together as a one big happy group...its a fuckin trip to see these pictures, these people i called friends from almost 10 years ago... totally forgotten my existence... it made my heart cringe and bleed. that is exactly what i longed for, a big happy group of friends...which i will probably never have despite the effort ive tried to put on.
ive never felt so alone. no friends in my home country, no friends in the USA...no friends on the internet, which i probably wil never get to meet. and i doubt people will read this long honeysuckle of clusterfuck. time to chase the dragon.
still, the rain hasnt stopped.
still stuck in traffic, i have a nasty habit of observing other people's actions. most of the time people are on their cellphones, or talking to their pessenger... and me? still alone. no one has called me yet and its 9pm, and im still stuck in traffic. tried to call someone, but no one is available at this moment for me. the rain is relentless and unforgiving. every drop of the rain reminds me of my past mistakes. how i shouldnt have roomed with that ************, how i shouldnt have listened to my parents, or else i wouldve had a fun college life, how she made out with my best friend in front of me, gosh that image is still fuckin there. how i still havent met any girl from my college, how am i going to quit my nasty drug habit, which has helped me the most to get through honeysuckle? how did i end up so lonely? how ive basically alienated everyone that i kno...
finally got back home. turned on the new gaming laptop i just bought. pretty much the only friend i have in this world that will make me appreciate life. started using MSN messenger, see if any of my "friends" in taiwan are on. these friends are people i havent seen for years and probably have forgotten about me long ago... i went to a taiwanese boarding school for a year before i moved to the US 8 years ago. basically i got to know these people for a year, then moved to USA. i was such an *******. people made fun of me constantly, i made fun of people as well. but overall, i thought i had decent friends at that boarding school. and i hated that ******* school.
o this girl i knew from my old taiwanese boarding school is on MSN messenger. she definitely does not remember me because last time i tried to talk to her, she really didnt want to talk to me... i checked her profile like a stalker, just to see how she looks after all these years...then i found her "alumni party pictures" section... i never shouldve opened this folder, but these were pictures of my old boarding school friends, all having fun and drinking and eating together as a one big happy group...its a fuckin trip to see these pictures, these people i called friends from almost 10 years ago... totally forgotten my existence... it made my heart cringe and bleed. that is exactly what i longed for, a big happy group of friends...which i will probably never have despite the effort ive tried to put on.
ive never felt so alone. no friends in my home country, no friends in the USA...no friends on the internet, which i probably wil never get to meet. and i doubt people will read this long honeysuckle of clusterfuck. time to chase the dragon.
still, the rain hasnt stopped.