My enemy is myself

[there is no hope]

Practice is key. No fear.
I'm still lousy at bowling and haven't done it in a while. I'm sure if you're in a friendly group, some of the more experienced players are happy to trade tips on technique. I'm slow at picking up physical conditioning and muscle memory, but I think now I could be a little better, even though I've noticeably off when I talk to others.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Why exactly are you spamming that message? You could at least change it up a little bit. Kind of makes me think you are getting paid to post that a million times.

Anyway, for anyone thinking about joining that site, it is very new and there is no information about it, so be cautious about giving them your information, it could be a scam.

 

[BeyondShy]

As I said before in the previous pages I was in a shyness meet-up group and I suppose I can say that I technically still am. The reason why I say it is that the person who ran it took down the meet-up page and moved it to Facebook. Since I am not on Facebook I don't know what is going on. I was told that I would be receiving e-mails if something was going on but ever since that bowling night I have not heard from them at all.

I know it is easy to say to me to just join Facebook but I can't. I have never been a member there and never will. All I ever hear about Facebook is negative things and that is one thing I do not need is one more negative thing in my life. If they contact me, fine. If not, I can't let it bother me.

My problem is that my nice little comfort zone is getting too comfortable and that is not really what I need. I need to meet people and make acquaintances and I would hope it would lead to a special someone. But it won't happen with these concrete walls around me. Someone that I have been talking to in the chat room, a woman who is way more intelligent than I will ever be, told me to just say hi to people and keep going while I was walking. I honestly did that once or twice but I haven't in the last week. It was a hard thing to do. Something simple like that and I turn it into a major battle.

Things get to me easy. Even when something happens in here I can dwell on it. Even though I ought to brush-off the times I get ignored in here it still bugs me. I don't want to bring up the thread that it happened in because that person doesn't give a **** anyway and I should to.

So, now I wait. No meet-ups. But I can't depend on that. I just don't know where to go next. Faith is something that I still have. Don't ask me why. I just keep believing things will improve for me socially.

 

[BeyondShy]

Could I be bad luck for meet-up groups? Who knows? Maybe not.

The last time I was at a meetup was back in May when we met for bowling. The person who was in charge of that meet-up was moving her group to Facebook and I was supposed to be notified if anything was being planned. Since that day I have heard nothing. I've given up on them.

I joined another one last month. I joined it because they have a lot of events planned, some I would like to do and some I wouldn't. Last week all of the members got an e-mail from the organizer saying that she is shutting down the webpage as of September 1st because she got a teaching job in California. Both groups I was in are gone now and I'll just have to wait for a new one.

There is a big part of me that is actually relieved that this happened. When things were planned and I said I would go I would fret about it for days and come up with the most interesting scenarios on how bad I would screw up when I got there. I became very good at this, which of course is not a good thing.

I do want a special girl in my life to be with and talk to and love and respect but right now I don't think I should put anyone through all these insecurities I have. I have come across more than my share of ruthless SOB's in my life that have enjoyed putting me down and making me feel bad about myself. Even in here there's a couple of guys that make me feel like I am worthless but I have to stop listening to those people and be more outspoken.

I know what to do but do not know how to begin.

The hell with meetups.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Where do you begin? Well, you could always find a NEW meetup group or you could even try making your own.

Honestly, it doesn't really matter HOW you begin, as long as you do. Trial and error at first until you find something that works for you. Don't discourage yourself and don't back out of what you start when you start it. Get yourself out there, find people. Find parties that you could go to. Talk to people everywhere you go. Baby steps until you feel you can do more. You'll be fine and don't let yourself get in the way of finding people and having fun.

 

[dd11]

I really believe that you behave your way to success. In my opinion, we tend to have it backwards. We want our feelings to precede our action. We don't feel good so we don't the things that make us feel good. Instead, my advice is to behave As If. Behave As IF you felt good. Go do things that you enjoy. Go help someone less fortunate. It doesn't have to be anything big. Just determine to give someone a compliment or a nice gesture. Take up a new hobby. Try to engage in life and be social. And, as you step out and make positive steps , then the good feelings will come with that and you will get more and more successful with each step forward.

 

[there is no hope]

Meetup is often infested by the same sort of yuppies, that often dominate and infiltrate groups because that's how people typically are. Most of the people I met there were vacuous and empty. I don't know how anyone got anything out of it. A few people told me outright that it was a honeysuckle group, and saw the same people come into every group that looked remotely interesting.

I don't care about feeling good, and I believe it's a waste of time to seek out good feelings. Do stuff because it's interesting to you or because there's something being accomplished. Chasing after good feelings basically never works as far as I know, there are plenty of desperate people trying out there.

 

[TheRealCallie]

It doesn't work if you don't LET it work.....Pessimists, which is what you seem to be, often don't find "good" feelings, because you don't choose to SEE or ACKNOWLEDGE good feelings.

 

[BeyondShy]

Where do you begin? Well, you could always find a NEW meetup group or you could even try making your own.

Honestly, it doesn't really matter HOW you begin, as long as you do. Trial and error at first until you find something that works for you. Don't discourage yourself and don't back out of what you start when you start it. Get yourself out there, find people. Find parties that you could go to. Talk to people everywhere you go. Baby steps until you feel you can do more. You'll be fine and don't let yourself get in the way of finding people and having fun.

Ok, this has to stop here and now. What's the meaning of you coming in here making all sorts of sense and armed with all those good ideas? I'm not used to this! :rolleyes2::shy:

Thank you for your help once again. I hope you are ok and I do miss talking to you.

I really believe that you behave your way to success. In my opinion, we tend to have it backwards. We want our feelings to precede our action. We don't feel good so we don't the things that make us feel good. Instead, my advice is to behave As If. Behave As IF you felt good. Go do things that you enjoy. Go help someone less fortunate. It doesn't have to be anything big. Just determine to give someone a compliment or a nice gesture. Take up a new hobby. Try to engage in life and be social. And, as you step out and make positive steps , then the good feelings will come with that and you will get more and more successful with each step forward.

Never thought of it that way. It's something to think about.

I don't care about feeling good, and I believe it's a waste of time to seek out good feelings.

You want to know something? I have no idea what you are talking about and I feel bad for you if you actually believe this.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I don't care about feeling good, and I believe it's a waste of time to seek out good feelings. Do stuff because it's interesting to you or because there's something being accomplished. Chasing after good feelings basically never works as far as I know, there are plenty of desperate people trying out there.

But... Isn't doing something you think is interesting a good feeling? Is accomplishing something not a good feeling? What do you mean by chasing? Expecting for no reason? Or actually trying to achieve something? Because doing something could be consider chasing after a goal in accomplishing something.

 

[BeyondShy]

When I made the last post in here I forgot to respond to this:

Where do you begin? Well, you could always find a NEW meetup group or you could even try making your own.

Ok, I got to admit it is not a bad idea on the surface but it really did make me laugh - not from what Callie wrote but how I'd be if I tried this. Can you imagine me making my own meetup group? I'd be afraid to attend it.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

Ok, I got to admit it is not a bad idea on the surface but it really did make me laugh - not from what Callie wrote but how I'd be if I tried this. Can you imagine me making my own meetup group? I'd be afraid to attend it.

If you want something different, you will do something different :club:

 

[BeyondShy]

If you want something different, you will do something different :club:

Well there are a lot of meetups around here like in every other city but the problem is finding one that interests you. It's just a coincidence that the ones I thought were ok did not last long.

 

[BeyondShy]

Either I do not know when to stay down or I am too stupid enough to know better. There's another meet-up planned and it is for a "singles get-together" although I am not too sure what that is supposed to mean.

It is on Tuesday, September 22 at 6:00 pm. That is sixteen days away and that's more that enough time to come up with reasons not to go. Here's a couple that are entirely believable.

1. My cat is not feeling well. (I don't have a cat.)
2. I'd be happy to go but I am trying to work things out with my girlfriend. (I don't have one.)
3. I'd love to go but I have a previous engagement that same night. (No I don't.)
4. Sure I'd love to go but that's my laundry night. (The hell it is.)
5. I wish I could go but I work nights. (No I don't.)

There you go. You are dealing with the master of getting out of things.

 

[TheRealCallie]

GO!!!!

And if you use any of those excuses....well

 

[BeyondShy]

GO!!!!

And if you use any of those excuses....well

Aw man, I was hoping I would slip this post by you. You don't miss anything.

 

[Xpendable]

My enemy is myself. I've realized this for a long time and yet I am unable to change.

I look in the mirror and I have no trouble at all seeing the qualities that I believe are lacking when I compare them to other people. I am only five feet six inches tall and I wish I were taller. I wish I were a bit thinner. I wish I could smile as easy as I see others do. I even practice smiling in the mirror and it just never looks right to me, like I'm making a funny face or something.

I even have a hard time saying the word "shy" out loud. I don't know why I am uncomfortable saying it. Just another mystery I suppose.

Shyness has caused me to miss out on many things in my life. I never went to my junior prom or senior ball. I wanted to so much but I never had the courage to take the steps to ask a girl to go with me.

I was on a bus once coming home from school and there were a group of girls sitting near me talking and having a good time and they started talking about not ever being able to find a guy who would treat them the way they should be treated. I wanted to tell them that I am one of those guys that they were looking for but I never did. I remember this like it was yesterday.

That's one of my problems that I carry around too. I have a fantastic memory and there are times when I don't know if it is a blessing or a curse. If someone says something about me or to me that insults me or embarrasses me I won't forget it and I'll keep re-hashing it over in my head like a film strip played over and over.

I am so concerned with what people may think of me or if they'll judge me. I can't follow conversations well because I am so concerned with what I am going to say next that I don't follow what the other person is saying.

I am not asking to be the life of any party. I don't look to be the center of attention. But I desperately would like to have some and I would like to be able to talk with a girl without finding something on the floor more interesting than her eyes and smile.

I am tired of being me. I want the person that is inside of me to be seen by others. I'm tired of what I see in the mirror.

This is exactly how I feel most of the time. Its incredible how I could have write this post myself. Even the memory part... I tend to remember small details from my life. I never understood how I got into situations where my shyness would be so exposed. I know you don't like my posts too much, but I'm sincere. We on this forum have similar problems. All of us. We are only different in how we try to solve them. I feel you often don't like what I said because you want to stay away from negative thoughts, but your entire first post felt like a reflection of myself. I know it was posted months ago now, so probably things have changed a little.

Yes, I'm negative. I'm a enemy to myself. But were do I find the weapons to defeat myself?
What are the steps to become someone else? Do they rely on others?
I went to my first Meetup last month, and even when it turned out well, I couldn't help to ask myself "what am I doing here?" a couple of times. I think people just go to this meetings as normal socialization. How many do actually go to combat loneliness? The people were so different from me that I couldn't relate. There was many times in which I kept silent. I've always had problems with shyness. It used to be a lot worse when I was younger; I couldn't even talk to people. Now I'm better but I'm no way close to be as confident as I wished. The problem is that my alienation doesn't seem to have a way back. I am what I am in big measure from the beginning. And you'll probably disagree with me, but I think the things that have made me lonely are not objectively bad. What I mean as that those things only hurt me and nobody else. I could try to change them but that wouldn't be right or wrong. It's a point in were improvement is just a synomym of adaptation.

I hope you are better now. We all have low points. I just want the same support you wanted.

 

[BeyondShy]

This is exactly how I feel most of the time. Its incredible how I could have write this post myself. Even the memory part... I tend to remember small details from my life. I never understood how I got into situations where my shyness would be so exposed.

I would not be surprised if a lot more people in here felt the same way I did when I wrote that post.

I know you don't like my posts too much, but I'm sincere. We on this forum have similar problems. All of us. We are only different in how we try to solve them. I feel you often don't like what I said because you want to stay away from negative thoughts, but your entire first post felt like a reflection of myself. I know it was posted months ago now, so probably things have changed a little.

You are right, I do not like your posts only because you focus on the negative in everything and once you are locked on to something negative you do not let go of it. You hold on to it and you nurture it.

Yeah, I made that post months ago. Some things have changed but I got a long way to go. But instead of me saying I have so much more to do I look at what I accomplished.

Yes, I'm negative. I'm a enemy to myself. But were do I find the weapons to defeat myself?
What are the steps to become someone else? Do they rely on others?

Well the first thing you could do is start a thread like this and detail what you have been doing, trying to do, failed to do and what you have accomplished. Don't do it in the diary area of the forum because people can't respond there. I made it in here so people can respond if they want and each time (well mostly) I have taken something from their posts and learned something.

We all have low points. I just want the same support you wanted.

There is no reason why you can't get it. None at all.

 

[Xpendable]

There is no reason why you can't get it. None at all.

I just feel I get more rejection than comprehension. That people get offended or angry with what I say but aren't that willing to analyze from where I come from. And when they do, the answers seem underdeveloped or "one size fits all" kind of answers.

 

[BeyondShy]

Ok Callie I RSVP'd for the 22nd of September. So far 22 people are going and seven of them are men. That probably means I won't be there long. Someone's going to end up dominating this thing. Even if that happens I am still going to give my best.