My gf is gone...HELP!

[ladyforsaken]

Well smitty, do you think you'd want her again if you could improve your situation and she comes back running to you?

absolutely.

I think this says everything I'd need to know to even offer advice. If you want to try and keep a gold digger happy, then by all means, go ahead. It's very obvious (even to you) that she only wants to be taken care of. And if that's all you're looking for in life - to take care of someone who clearly just wants monetary means - then best of luck to you.

If you're looking for some sort of justification, I can probably say in an undeniable certainty that people really won't feel sorry for you if you refuse to see the value in yourself. But no one here can decide for you what you should want, even if all of our eyebrows raise in disbelief over the fact that you seem to hold such little reverence for yourself. If she makes you happy, then I hope she sees the light in you. Good luck.

Exactly what I was trying to get at.

 

[ardour]

I wish we could hear from the lady herself, what she'd have to say for herself.

OP: have some self regard, you are not a meal ticket and you're better off without this sort of person.

 

[smitty]

While I paid for a lot of stuff, she still paid for a fair amount even before I went broke. It was pretty even for a while and she even put in for gas (she doesn't have her own car)

We'll see how much she cares for me now that we're not talking and she's in this new seemingly amazing relationship

---

which I honestly hope is just a rebound. she's going to stay with him for a week near the end of the month which is the worst part for me. but, I know I have to fix my own issues before there's even a chance of reconciliation

 

[Peter.EU]

okay, this one's going to be long but I need 500th opinion:

So my longtime gf (6 months, living together for 5) and I broke-up about a week ago. It happened for a lot of reasons, but the biggest reason was b/c I went broke and she had to pay for a lot of things.

I got a low wage job just so I could pay house bills (I was paying them all myself) and I don't think she liked that very much. I've been trying to get another job in my field (copywriting) in Brooklyn, where she moved (I moved her in) shortly before we broke-up. I'm still trying to improve my financial situation b/c that was her main source of stress.

She has A LOT of money and before I went broke I had enough to operate normally.

Shortly after we broke up, she went with an old friend to a wedding in Costa Rica for a week. I am pretty sure they are romantically involved now and I don't know what to do to get her back. She claims she's falling for him (already??) and my situation is slowly changing but not fast enough.

She said she doesn't want to be with me, but she's still angry about what happened towards the end of the relationship (the day I went broke, I didn't know how to tell her and we went out to brunch and she had to pay)

When we were together, things were the best they'd ever been and we loved each other deeply. I feel like she still has buried feelings for me.

I've taken responsibility for my mistakes and apologized. I told her how much love I have for her and that I respect her feelings...but I don't want to lose her forever. I've been keeping my distance but it's becoming unbearable.

Is there anything I can do to get her back? She's going to SF this month to see this other guy and I'm afraid she'll be gone for good. I am trying to stay strong but I am convinced the best thing that ever happened to me is slowly slipping away

What can I do???

Thanks for reading

say, when you were child, had you have any head accident?

She don't wan't you, she told you, she left you and she is with others (probably richer and more interesting for her?).

Which part of "No" you don't understand?

 

[TheRealCallie]

say, when you were child, had you have any head accident?

She don't wan't you, she told you, she left you and she is with others (probably richer and more interesting for her?).

Which part of "No" you don't understand?

Hey when you were a child, did your mother teach you MANNERS? Holy fresia, dude, back off. :club:

 

[Kitsune Tora]

She should love you for you, not for your finances. If she wants to go off with this other guy let her, and hope that something better is coming your way. Say good riddance, mourne a bit and then get out there and be the best you you can be, and the right girl will come along. Keep busy, honour your feelings, but ultimately- don't make a prat of yourself for a girl who isn't interested.

 

[zero]

It looks to me she (maybe subconsciously) tries to "punish" you and teach you a lesson by going out with someone who looks the opposite of you (message: "see, I can have whomever I want, do whatever I want, whenever I want and get what you didn`t give me, i.e. attention, appreciation etc.").
She could be as materialistic and selfish as the others before have pointed out, or, she has this emotional reaction (and action) to tell you something in this counterproductive and dysfunctional way.
Anyway, not the best decision to jump from one relationship into another and I`m wondering about the depth of her commitment and involvement (with you and the new one).
"What can I do?"- depends on your prioritizations. There are solutions. I suggest you focus on yourself first.

 

[chrish]

Greed is an ugly trait, in my opinion, you should forget about her.. I can't see how anybody could love you for what you have and not who you are, if it was because of money, she didn't love you, she wanted you. Imagine if you got back together and in 5/10 years you lost your job and she left you again, where in that time you could have found somebody that would love you and not what you have. I think you need to ask yourself whether you want somebody that loves you back,
I hope it works out

 

[VeganAtheist]

I think the others are right. She was probably using you. She might have thought she loved you. She might have even cared a bit. But in the end, she was likely just using you.
You probably won't be able to see that fact right now. Your brain will try to minimize the loses by telling you lies about your situation. It's how it tries to protect itself.

My ex left me too and after a month with the new guy, they got engaged... this after telling me that she didn't want a long term relationship and wanted to just casually date. I am just now noticing all the things I had been doing for her and how she was often unwilling to put any effort in in return. How as soon as things got inconvenient and required a little bit more work and patience on her end, she was suddenly ready to bail.

This honeysuckle will hurt. It will hurt for a long time. Hell, it still hurts me to some degree and this was about 5 months ago.
You will probably be better off without her. It won't seem like it for a long ass time but you will get there eventually. Until then, keep your head up and stack your dough.

 

[smitty]

She still sends me messages though about things she thinks I'd like or stuff that is happening in her life.

I haven't responded to her latest batch b/c I don't know what to say. I also don't want it to appear like I'm waiting around for her or can just talk whenever. But, I do want to leave the door for reconciliation open.

I know I have to move on and improve if I'm ever going to have a chance. It just hurts like hell and I wish I had started making these changes when we were still together. I honestly think that it wasn't all money; I was mostly focused on keeping everything afloat and probably didn't put enough effort into moving forward like I should be

 

[VeganAtheist]

Why is everyone being so mean? We all know that emotions generally aren't rational right? We have all heard the saying "The heart wants what the heart wants", right? We all are guilty of these type of things. Its part of being human. Give the man a break.

Smitty, I wish you luck on your situation. I hope whatever the outcome, you both come out of it happy whether it's together or apart.

I personally think you should move on and put your efforts toward self improvement and stacking that paper. Time to put them fingers together and make these snaps, if you get me.

 

[smitty]

she sends me a bunch of messages this morning (which I still haven't responded to) and then this evening she posts photos of them everywhere saying how much she misses him and Costa Rica...

it stings a lot. she's one of the few people I saw an amazing future with. and I'm not sure how to get her back into my life without moving on (letting go of the past) and improving myself

 

[VanillaCreme]

Yes, the rudeness can take a back seat to giving genuine advice. If you have nothing enlightening to say, then don't bother. There's a more pleasant way to get points across other than name calling and cheap shots. It's not your girlfriend; It's Smitty's. So don't take it so personal.

 

[sk66rc]

In a case like this, best revenge is to show her how happy you are without her... I'm not saying you should be vindictive... I used to date a girl who was exactly opposite... I used to pick up a lot of tabs when we went out or do stuff... Every time she wanted to get me something or do something nice, I used to tell her it was ok... After a while, she felt a bit out of place... In the middle of our relationship, I lost my job & my credit card was due... Minimum payment was about $150... I had no clue what I was gonna do... Then she offered to pay for it... After about 3 days of conversation, I finally said "Ok... But I'm paying you back with my first paycheck as soon as I get a job..." She gets this big smile on her face & says, "Finally, I feel like I'm actually contributing to this relationship...!!! Thank you for this opportunity"... I mean, what do I say to that? It almost made me wanna cry & made me try even harder to get a job... Thankfully, it only took me 2 weeks after that for me to get a job & I did try to pay her back... But her response was, "If you really are keeping score, with all the stuff you've done for me & paid for me, I think I still owe you...!!!" & refused to let me pay back that $150...

I think relationship should be give & take... Helping each other through rough times & being there for each other... I don't think she's it for you... Like others pointed out, it might be a good thing that you found out now rather than later...

 

[smitty]

Yeah, perhaps. I have gotten some interest from a firm in Brooklyn which is good news. And I just chatted with her a bit. She hasn't mentioned the new guy at all any of the times we've chatted. She seems happy for the progress I've made so far and is still sending me stuff she'd think I'd like. I don't know what to think still

I probably should've just not responded to her. It might suck to have this small iota of hope reignited like that with the idea that we can work it out one day.

 

[VeganAtheist]

Yeah, perhaps. I have gotten some interest from a firm in Brooklyn which is good news. And I just chatted with her a bit. She hasn't mentioned the new guy at all any of the times we've chatted. She seems happy for the progress I've made so far and is still sending me stuff she'd think I'd like. I don't know what to think still

I probably should've just not responded to her. It might suck to have this small iota of hope reignited like that with the idea that we can work it out one day.

That small bit of hope is dangerous. Be careful.

I was kinda in the same boat and I did it totally the wrong way. If I could rewind, I would have started the process to move on more quickly and worked on myself. I would have put together some money to better take care of myself. I would have started working out.

If she really wants you, she will come back. It shouldn't be a one way thing, which is what it seems like right now.

 

[smitty]

well...she changed her relationship status on Facebook. I guess that's it, really. I still love her but I can't hang around at the moment. especially if she's really in love.

I don't want to give up

 

[ladyforsaken]

well...she changed her relationship status on Facebook. I guess that's it, really. I still love her but I can't hang around at the moment. especially if she's really in love.

I don't want to give up

You don't have to give up in moving on, but you should probably try giving up on her. She has obviously moved on and has chosen him over you. If she had truly loved you in the first place, genuinely and sincerely, you wouldn't be where you are right now.

For your own good. It is easier said than done, so I do hope that you can find some peace while you try (if you do) and best of luck in it.

 

[ardour]

You say you love her, but she obviously doesn't love you. And this guy she's with now...well, he's taken a bullet for you.

 

[smitty]

picking up the pieces is the worst part of all of this. I did everything I could to make sure she'd be alright in her move and forgot about my own self in the process