Need advice on relationship

[tocs82]

Hi,

I am around 30 yo and living with my wife to be the last 1.5 years. Due to huge problems lately we are broke. She bought an apartment 3 years ago to "surprise me" (without even asking me) and now she lost her job and can't pay for it. I just finished college and my dreams where to built my own business one step at a time. As I said before we are broke with a running loan of $300 000. I am forced to give up my dream and go to work for someone else for the next 30+ years? I mean, I do love her for better or for worse but this goes too far... I am depressed for the last 6 months, I gave up my friends and just want to stay home and wait for the day that I'll die. I tried to make this short, this is to get an idea but there are many more details.

Am I paranoid? I see her as my problem. To top that, she also lost her smile... I feel that everyday is a funeral. I am loosing my mind here! Please give me your advice...

 

[perfanoff]

Seems like at this point you need to compromise on your dreams.
A home, a wife, your own business.. think hard and choose wisely. Or fate will choose for you instead. Would you want that?

 

[Naleena]

It sounds like you two need to talk. It may be she lost her smile because she feels she let you down. You have every riight to be pissed that she didn't consult you before making such a life changing decision, but is it such a terrible thing that you could not forgive her for it? She may feel on some level that you blame her. The question is, do you love her enough to forgive her and has she learned the importance of consulting you. As far as your dream goes, I wouldn't give up on it. Nothing says you can't persue it later or that you are stuck working for someone else. That is a belief you are carrying. Is it true? Can you say it is absolutely true? Do you love her? Can you forgive her and more importantly, do you want to? Only you know what is right for you. I wish you wisdom and peace whatever path you choose.

Hi,

I am around 30 yo and living with my wife to be the last 1.5 years. Due to huge problems lately we are broke. She bought an apartment 3 years ago to "surprise me" (without even asking me) and now she lost her job and can't py for it. I just finished college and my dreams where to built my own business one step at a time. As I said before we are broke with a running loan of $300 000. I am forced to give up my dream and go to work for someone else for the next 30+ years? I mean, I do love her for better or for worse but this goes too far... I am depressed for the last 6 months, I gave up my friends and just want to stay home and wait for the day that I'll die. I tried to make this short, this is to get an idea but there are many more details.

Am I paranoid? I see her as my problem. To top that, she also lost her smile... I feel that everyday is a funeral. I am loosing my mind here! Please give me your advice...

---

Seems like at this point you need to compromise on your dreams.
A home, a wife, your own business.. think hard and choose wisely. Or fate will choose for you instead. Would you want that?

Good advice. <3

 

[tocs82]

Hey, Thanks for the replies. I have not said anything to her yet, problem is that her world will collapse if I told her. And as I said I do love her... I do forgive her! But this is not a game, we need to make money in order to live right? It is so so hard for me to choose. I guess fate will choose for me huh?

 

[Naleena]

Hey, Thanks for the replies. I have not said anything to her yet, problem is that her world will collapse if I told her. And as I said I do love her... I do forgive her! But this is not a game, we need to make money in order to live right? It is so so hard for me to choose. I guess fate will choose for me huh?

Please forgive me if I haven't heard what you are trying to say. If the problem is that she lost her job, it is only fair for her to get another ...especially because of her putting you in debt. You do need your wife to support you financially and emotionally. You are a team. Talk to her. She needs to take responsiblity too. I hope I understood. what you were trying. to say.
:

 

[Tiina63]

Could you sell the apartment which your wife bought? You could then get something smaller and cheaper or rent somewhere, and then get your dream of building your own business back.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Could you sell the apartment which your wife bought? You could then get something smaller and cheaper or rent somewhere, and then get your dream of building your own business back.

Yeah, I was thinking this when I read your original post. Sucks when you're kinda stuck in a rut. But let's see if we can find a way to get around this.

 

[tocs82]

Already thought of that... unfortunately three years ago the apartment was valued at $300 000 now with the crisis apartments went down almost half the price... even if we sell it now we will get around $180 000...

 

[EveWasFramed]

Encourage/help her to find another job and consider renting a room in your apartment to someone to off-set the cost of the mortgage payments. Cut your expenses where you can.
She will find another job, but will YOU find another woman to love and that loves you?
You won't have any regrets later if you have to put off those dreams for another year or so, but will you have life-long regrets if you break things off from the woman you love?
You can cut expenses. Love...well - that isn't so easily replaced.

 

[WL7.3]

For better or for worse means for better or for worse. In sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, till death do you part. To divorce is to break a promise, probably the biggest and most important one you've ever made. If you divorce, you're not only compromising your wifes heart, but also you're integrity. Marriage is about sacrifice for something greater, again and again. The first thing you give up is part of your freedom and it continues from there. It's implied you're going to lose things in the vows. I'm not trying to sound mean about it. Heck, I'm not even married. This is just what I've been told about marriage by other married people, pastors, culture etc... Maybe your vows were different.

 

[Ignis]

Money is easy enough to make when you have a job, love? Not so much.
If you've said "Wife-to-be" that must mean she's something special to you.
If she is, don't throw her away no matter what. Work around it.

Also, to sell your apartment for 180,000 would be a massive loss, almost half. But is it worth losing potentially much more?
Your dream can be put on hold if things are really that dire. Getting into a small business if you're on shaky grounds is incredibly risky anyways. The first few years will be incredibly tough. You don't want this while other parts of your life are so chaotic.

I'm sure you and your partner have been through a lot, you'll manage to get through. You just need to think and possibly make a few sacrifices in-between.
It's very unfortunate that she sprung the apartment on you the way she did, but it's already happened... What can you do about it? Moping about it won't change the past. You've been dealt a honeysuckle hand, now it's time to turn it into a good one.

Communication, love and support. That's all the two of you really need, the rest should fall into place. Talk to each other, see what your options are and most of all... Don't panic. Things will be fine.