thewastelands
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- May 26, 2014
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Ever since some years ago I've been feeling increasingly empty. Last year I came to the conclusion that everything is pointless and that life is just a random assortment of molecules with no other purpose than reproducing itself, which will one day be extinguished and the universe won't even notice. I feel lonely but not in the simple social way, but kind of alone in the universe.
I've always been isolated and really I'm fine with that and I don't want to be with other people. But I still feel empty and modern city life sickens me. I admire hermits and it's a lifestyle I would really like but unfortunately I don't think I'd last a day alone, because of the food that is.
Then I thought about monastic life, which would be perfect to me since I am quiet and I could say I'm an ascetic,... except for the religious part. All my pathetic attempts of converting to Christianity have been doomed by my **** rationality. Every time I tried, I internally thought 'seriously?...religion?'. I wish I had the ability to believe, the people who do always have someone to turn to, or at least they believe they do.
I'm in my second year of college but I don't care about my career and I'm just passing because of inertia you know. What I would need is what some would call 'spiritual growth' I guess or actually anything to live for. I'm currently not suicidal, but very apathetic towards everything. As I've said, I can't find any reason to live or extend my life. I'm not interested in anything actually and every day is so **** boring.
I've always been isolated and really I'm fine with that and I don't want to be with other people. But I still feel empty and modern city life sickens me. I admire hermits and it's a lifestyle I would really like but unfortunately I don't think I'd last a day alone, because of the food that is.
Then I thought about monastic life, which would be perfect to me since I am quiet and I could say I'm an ascetic,... except for the religious part. All my pathetic attempts of converting to Christianity have been doomed by my **** rationality. Every time I tried, I internally thought 'seriously?...religion?'. I wish I had the ability to believe, the people who do always have someone to turn to, or at least they believe they do.
I'm in my second year of college but I don't care about my career and I'm just passing because of inertia you know. What I would need is what some would call 'spiritual growth' I guess or actually anything to live for. I'm currently not suicidal, but very apathetic towards everything. As I've said, I can't find any reason to live or extend my life. I'm not interested in anything actually and every day is so **** boring.