Greetings everyone,
I'd thought come by today to share my life story. As the title suggests, I am an 18-year-old mute. Well, to be honest, I'm not entirely mute. My only form of communication is a small, faint whisper. It has been that way since I was about 13. Before then, when I was a child, I spoke in a quiet, mono-tone voice. As a result, I immensely feared social gatherings, only speaking the least amount of words possible when spoken to, even to my own family.
As years went by, it got much worse. I adopted a whisper; perhaps subconsciously I never wanted to face the fact my voice would change in puberty. That subconscious notion worked brilliantly, as I have never heard what my voice sounds like since age 13.
Social interaction is virtually non-existent since I started whispering. When I was 14, I began to never speak to anyone outside my immediate family. I still clearly remember the stone cold faces people gave me when they attempted to communicate with me, as I return no answer. Even my own grandmother cannot get a word out of me. Obviously, many more of these interactions remain ahead in my life.
I have taken years worth of speech therapy with nothing to show for it.
Friends? None to speak of. Not even I would wish to be friends with a person unable to speak to them or offer any sort of gesture towards them. I would never go up to someone of my age and talk, nor would they in return.
With College and the eventual looming job search on the horizon, common sense tells me there is a small chance of making a living for myself unless something in my mind dramatically changes. In fact, I have been so long without speaking that I believe I've forgotten how to eject an actual voice out. Even with confidence built up, all I can manage to emit is a small croak before being frightened away at the thought of hearing my own voice.
And of course I have the usual symptoms of social anxiety: difficulty at looking people in the eye, no gesturing, awkward movements, loathing to take pictures with me in them, etc.
---
A few nights ago, I went for a walk alone and drew up enough confidence to start practicing speaking. From what I could hear, my voice sounds quiet and quivering. In fact, its prone to waver around before being cut off abruptly, perhaps due to lack of strength. This may be attributed to my inability to use my diaphragm while speaking. To be honest, I don't believed I ever fully used it. My speaking pattern is, quite frankly, all over the place. It seems I haven't quite found the essence of using my voice.
I've been practicing almost daily since then and it's getting only slightly better. I even went to the extent of recording my voice and (painfully) listening to it. It needs major work. I'm still afraid to show anyone else. Nevertheless, this is the closest I've gotten to overcoming my fear.
If you have made it this far, than I must thank you for reading my long, arduous rant. I would appreciate any advice, help, or anything you can offer.
Thanks.
I'd thought come by today to share my life story. As the title suggests, I am an 18-year-old mute. Well, to be honest, I'm not entirely mute. My only form of communication is a small, faint whisper. It has been that way since I was about 13. Before then, when I was a child, I spoke in a quiet, mono-tone voice. As a result, I immensely feared social gatherings, only speaking the least amount of words possible when spoken to, even to my own family.
As years went by, it got much worse. I adopted a whisper; perhaps subconsciously I never wanted to face the fact my voice would change in puberty. That subconscious notion worked brilliantly, as I have never heard what my voice sounds like since age 13.
Social interaction is virtually non-existent since I started whispering. When I was 14, I began to never speak to anyone outside my immediate family. I still clearly remember the stone cold faces people gave me when they attempted to communicate with me, as I return no answer. Even my own grandmother cannot get a word out of me. Obviously, many more of these interactions remain ahead in my life.
I have taken years worth of speech therapy with nothing to show for it.
Friends? None to speak of. Not even I would wish to be friends with a person unable to speak to them or offer any sort of gesture towards them. I would never go up to someone of my age and talk, nor would they in return.
With College and the eventual looming job search on the horizon, common sense tells me there is a small chance of making a living for myself unless something in my mind dramatically changes. In fact, I have been so long without speaking that I believe I've forgotten how to eject an actual voice out. Even with confidence built up, all I can manage to emit is a small croak before being frightened away at the thought of hearing my own voice.
And of course I have the usual symptoms of social anxiety: difficulty at looking people in the eye, no gesturing, awkward movements, loathing to take pictures with me in them, etc.
---
A few nights ago, I went for a walk alone and drew up enough confidence to start practicing speaking. From what I could hear, my voice sounds quiet and quivering. In fact, its prone to waver around before being cut off abruptly, perhaps due to lack of strength. This may be attributed to my inability to use my diaphragm while speaking. To be honest, I don't believed I ever fully used it. My speaking pattern is, quite frankly, all over the place. It seems I haven't quite found the essence of using my voice.
I've been practicing almost daily since then and it's getting only slightly better. I even went to the extent of recording my voice and (painfully) listening to it. It needs major work. I'm still afraid to show anyone else. Nevertheless, this is the closest I've gotten to overcoming my fear.
If you have made it this far, than I must thank you for reading my long, arduous rant. I would appreciate any advice, help, or anything you can offer.
Thanks.
