Overflow of helplessness

[randomdude]

I have no confidence at all and when people ask me what are my strengths in life i have to lie since i don't have any. In every single part of my life i am weak i am nothing compared to guys that are near age of 19 as i am. I am afraid of people negative reactions towards me and that makes me feel bad saying no. I am awkward as fresia i have problems holding up conversations and most of the times words barely come out of my mouth and people have trouble understanding me and ask me to repeat myself. Most people except my friends see me as weirdo before they get to know me better BUT the thing is they never do. To be honest like 2 years ago i was feeling so much worse since i wasn't on meds and i didn't talk to therapists. What bothers me the most is that i can't stand for my rights and show that i am man too. My mind state is preventing me from doing normal things like going to school regularly or trying to find a job, find a girlfriend or just enjoy myself. I am just a ******* loser and weak minded dumb fresia that spends his time thinking about past embarrassing moments wishing i could react differently. When someone is having a bad day and that someone insult me THEY MADE MY DAY BAD.. I MEAN I AM THE ******* idiot i get offended and next whole week i am feeling like trash.. Parents say i am kid born from pure love.. LOL i wish they never made me who the fresia wants a disabled son that is afraid of getting raped??? HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A MAN A ******* MAN even think about getting raped?? And i am afraid of that and i am afraid being alone on the street at nights. I really don't know what to do with myself.. You might find it stupid but suicide is the smarted thing i could do for myself i am wasting my therapists time i am wasting my parents money for meds. I yell at them all the time because they can't afford me enough meals and support my fail 15th month of gym that i have 0 results from. I haven't bought any clothes in last 2 years my parents can't afford them.. I go to most ghetto gym in the whole town cuz its cheapest.fresia i wanna die and change at the same time but the more i try to change i realize it's impossible. And i am wasting your time with this thread, i know you can't help me no one can but i felt a need to type this sad garbage at fail attempt at life. My strengths ?? Sad poor ugly weak pathetic irresponsible immature and i have no boundaries. They say i should be grateful of life i feel like i have chains on soul that prevent me from living. When i was young they thought i will be the smartest member of my family line and i turned out to be the biggest fail they could give life to. They still think it's not late for me but my hope is fading. I am afraid of telling you where i am from lol i am afraid of everything i am even afraid of being judged of how long this text is. Fear rules my mind.

 

[ForGrantedWife]

I'm so sorry you feel this deep unhappiness within yourself. It sounds like you are defeating yourself before anyone else or the world even has a chance hon. Why do you hate yourself so much? Instead of focusing on the bad about yourself (hey, we ALL have bad things about ourselves too-trust me on that one) why not try to see what's good about you instead? It is a CHOICE dear. You can choose to focus on what's wrong instead of what's right. By why on earth would you do that? Everyone gets down on themselves from time to time. But it accomplishes nothing if you stay at it every day. At some point most people make that choice to say "Yeah life sucks but I've got to pull myself up and try to make a go of it anyway". Wallowing in misery hurts you, hurts your parents, kills creativity, destroys health and well being. Start by picking one thing, just one thing you might be able to accomplish even if it's small. And go do it. Every single day, pick one or two things to improve your lot in life and do them faithfully. Feel good about that accomplishment, and soon it may lead to more of them. One day you may walk right into love without knowing it at the time. And suddenly your life will turn a page and the story will get so much better. But it all depends on you and what you do. No one can help you but yourself. It may be time to be brave and face the fact that you need to stop living like you're dying and start to really really live.

 

[Locke]

I have no confidence at all and when people ask me what are my strengths in life i have to lie since i don't have any. In every single part of my life i am weak i am nothing compared to guys that are near age of 19 as i am. I am afraid of people negative reactions towards me and that makes me feel bad saying no. I am awkward as fresia i have problems holding up conversations and most of the times words barely come out of my mouth and people have trouble understanding me and ask me to repeat myself.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to stop caring so much what other people think. I know that isn't easy, it won't happen over night, but you have to start somewhere. Combine that with positive reinforcement techniques. Part of why you don't have confidence is because you're comparing yourself to others. Don't do it. You are not them, and you never will be. Imagining that you should be will only hurt you. You can find your own path through life, you don't need to look at someone else's map.

Most people except my friends see me as weirdo before they get to know me better BUT the thing is they never do. To be honest like 2 years ago i was feeling so much worse since i wasn't on meds and i didn't talk to therapists. What bothers me the most is that i can't stand for my rights and show that i am man too. My mind state is preventing me from doing normal things like going to school regularly or trying to find a job, find a girlfriend or just enjoy myself. I am just a ******* loser and weak minded dumb fresia that spends his time thinking about past embarrassing moments wishing i could react differently.

Sadly, when you are socially awkward, sometimes people will treat you like you're a weirdo. But you can improve your social skills. More important is improving your state of mind. Again, improving your confidence and not caring if people see you as weird will help you. Your own self image is more important than what random strangers think of you. You are not a loser, please stop telling yourself that. I would also suggest that you don't dwell on those embarrassing moments so much.

When someone is having a bad day and that someone insult me THEY MADE MY DAY BAD.. I MEAN I AM THE ******* idiot i get offended and next whole week i am feeling like trash.. Parents say i am kid born from pure love.. LOL i wish they never made me who the fresia wants a disabled son that is afraid of getting raped??? HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A MAN A ******* MAN even think about getting raped?? And i am afraid of that and i am afraid being alone on the street at nights. I really don't know what to do with myself..

That's what some people do: They have a bad day and want to make others suffer too. But it's their problem, not yours. If you can't help them, it's best to laugh it off and ignore them.

Your parents probably tell you that because they love you, and want you to love yourself.

I don't know why you're afraid of being raped, but I'm sure it happens to men too. There's nothing wrong with being cautious, just don't let your fear consume you. If I told you some of the things I'm afraid of, you'd laugh. Mice and rats for one. They're creepy.....

You might find it stupid but suicide is the smarted thing i could do for myself i am wasting my therapists time i am wasting my parents money for meds. I yell at them all the time because they can't afford me enough meals and support my fail 15th month of gym that i have 0 results from. I haven't bought any clothes in last 2 years my parents can't afford them.. I go to most ghetto gym in the whole town cuz its cheapest.

I don't think it's stupid to feel suicidal. I think it would be a waste though. You have it in you to improve things. I can tell you're determined, because even though you don't think the gym is helping you keep going. You want things to change, right? Your determination is a strength that you can draw on.

fresia i wanna die and change at the same time but the more i try to change i realize it's impossible. And i am wasting your time with this thread, i know you can't help me no one can but i felt a need to type this sad garbage at fail attempt at life. My strengths ?? Sad poor ugly weak pathetic irresponsible immature and i have no boundaries.

Change is not impossible. It will likely be a long difficult road with many bumps. But you can make the decision that you are up for the challenge, no matter how long it takes or how hard it will be.

They say i should be grateful of life i feel like i have chains on soul that prevent me from living. When i was young they thought i will be the smartest member of my family line and i turned out to be the biggest fail they could give life to. They still think it's not late for me but my hope is fading. I am afraid of telling you where i am from lol i am afraid of everything i am even afraid of being judged of how long this text is. Fear rules my mind.

I'm not judging you on how much or what you wrote, I like long posts. Could you use paragraphs next time though please!

Your hope is fading because it's getting buried underneath harsh judgements from others, and from yourself. Those negative judgements make up at least one of the chains on your soul. Try your best every day to cast off the judgements and the fear. What have you got to lose?

 

[maidendeth]

im so sorry you feel this way about yourself. i know sometimes you just want to get out what youve been feeling and dont really care about peoples replies, so if it helps then just type it out.
forgrantedwife is right though, and i know its harder to think about the positive things about yourself because its so easy to pick out the negatives. 15 months at the gym? thats an accomplishment in itself. ive tried going to the gym and only lasted 3 months. :/ everyone is capable of great things! but you have to find and motivate yourself, nobody can do that for you.

 

[pandas123]

Please don't do anything stupid like commit suicide, if you ever need to talk you pm me right away. I'm not saying im a therapist, but ive been there and like helping people feel better. But I do agree with some of the earlier replies on here... you should stop caring so much about what other people think of you, just be you, everyone is different.