relationships are

[Frito Bandito]

overrated and a general pain-in-the-ass, basically humans are animals (and most are neurotic) who are incredibly flawed and highly annoying to others, that is why they are such work and never pan out in the end. Most try to fool themselves that they could ever be enough for another person or that person could be enough for them. People change, and when they do they move on. The typical honeymoon phase for a relationship is about two years they say. Real progress is realizing that you don't need to own another person to be happy. Own = hold the exclusive rights to their body, mind, and soul... it only leads to resentment.

It's better to just be selfish. Trust me.

Thoughts?

 

[Callie]

They are a pain in the ass, but sometimes they are worth it. But I will agree with you about realizing you don't need someone else to make you happy. That's a pretty essential part of life, being okay alone.

BUT, I don't agree that it's better to be selfish. A lot of people call me selfish, but that's the furthest thing from the truth. I never do anything for myself, it's always for someone else.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I'd just like for them to exist for me, for once.

I am sorry if that sounds like me whining. But I'd take a bad relationship, over having had no relationship ever, at all.

 

[Callie]

I'd just like for them to exist for me, for once.

I am sorry if that sounds like me whining. But I'd take a bad relationship, over having had no relationship ever, at all.

Careful what you wish for. Bad relationships aren't all that fun...

 

[Frito Bandito]

I'd just like for them to exist for me, for once.

I am sorry if that sounds like me whining. But I'd take a bad relationship, over having had no relationship ever, at all.

Careful what you wish for. Bad relationships aren't all that fun...

Agreed

 

[Ak5]

I'm come back to you once I start a relationship.

 

[FieryDamsel]

It does seem to me that the wanting and searching of a partner is more pain than it is often worth, before my last relationship I wanted a boyfriend so much, but that relationship didn't work out and I cried so much, was even sick a few times after fights. Now I wish I had spent more time making friends, finding hobbies, and studying, because I was so dependent on him. And it went wrong. Now I feel... like I should just not think about relationships at all for a while.

 

[Lost Drifter]

It’s not necessarily relationships that are at fault but more the motives behind them. Humans are animals (as you said) and animals for the most part are sociable pack hunters so forming relationships for the common good is a natural instinct.

However on the flip side are the relationships formed for singular reasons that don’t serve to benefit both participants. The most common singular reason, which can be seen all over the place from all ages and genders, is the illusion that a relationship will somehow ‘fix’ someone. That somehow being in a partnership will exorcise all of our personal demons and chase our faults and fears away. Such relationships rarely work and are doomed from the onset with one partner put under a lot of burden. The idea of a relationship is a two-way process but expecting one partner to repair the ills of another (beyond reason) is unfair and unfavourable.

So go out there and have relationships, nothing wrong with them in the slightest, but no-one is obliged to heal your wounds, not even yourself, so just remember to put in as much as you take out if you ever want things to work.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Even if mine doesn't last, I'd rather have spent my time, energy and love than to have never had him at all.

 

[Callie]

Even if mine doesn't last, I'd rather have spent my time, energy and love than to have never had him at all.

True, but sometimes it's too much pain and too much hurt when it ends. Things get said that you can never really take back. honeysuckle goes down that you can't undo.
Sometimes I think it would have been easier on me if I never had any of the relationships I did, but I did take some good memories away from all the messed up relationships I've been in. But, even then, if you focus on the good, you start missing the person they were during the good times and not the person they have become.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Even if mine doesn't last, I'd rather have spent my time, energy and love than to have never had him at all.

True, but sometimes it's too much pain and too much hurt when it ends. Things get said that you can never really take back. honeysuckle goes down that you can't undo.
Sometimes I think it would have been easier on me if I never had any of the relationships I did, but I did take some good memories away from all the messed up relationships I've been in. But, even then, if you focus on the good, you start missing the person they were during the good times and not the person they have become.

I say the same for my ex though. Even with the cheating and lying he did, I still wouldn't take back anything. It's what lead me here. And it's made me who I am. Things could have turned out nicer between me and him, but I don't think things would have ended up the same to where I am now.

 

[Callie]

Even if mine doesn't last, I'd rather have spent my time, energy and love than to have never had him at all.

True, but sometimes it's too much pain and too much hurt when it ends. Things get said that you can never really take back. honeysuckle goes down that you can't undo.
Sometimes I think it would have been easier on me if I never had any of the relationships I did, but I did take some good memories away from all the messed up relationships I've been in. But, even then, if you focus on the good, you start missing the person they were during the good times and not the person they have become.

I say the same for my ex though. Even with the cheating and lying he did, I still wouldn't take back anything. It's what lead me here. And it's made me who I am. Things could have turned out nicer between me and him, but I don't think things would have ended up the same to where I am now.

Don't get me wrong, I agree with you on that point, but sometimes you just wonder how different your life would have been if you had done things differently. Especially when your life is so bad you can't think straight.

 

[Frito Bandito]

Relationships become too much about control. One person is always trying to control the other, either directly or indirectly. Or one person is trying to maintain control and keep it from the other. Or one person is trying to convince the other that attempts at gaining/maintaining control are not actually what they appear as. Most relationship-obsessed people are actually control-obsessed people and don't even realize it.

Then there is the obligation side of things. Somehow, slowly and insidiously, a list of obligations starts to build. Some spoken, some not. Scorekeeping begins. Did you live up to your obligations? Did he call me like he is supposed to? Did he get me gifts like he was supposed to? Did she come over that night like she always does? Did she put me ahead of her friends when I wanted her to? And it grows. And grows. Some of the worst offenders claim that they don't want control and don't scorekeep for obligations, but on closer inspection, they actually do. Often it's all they do.

When a relationships begins, so too starts control and obligations. In the presence of those, we can never truly perceive or believe another's efforts to do for us (to be with us) are genuine and motivated purely by desire or love, but instead are a calculation of aforementioned control and obligation.

To many, this is stability. Which is what many seek. Stability. That like you would receive from a loving parent. Unconditional love, unconditional support, unwavering availability, unflinching dedication. Everything that attracted you to that person fades and you are left with a bundle of needs latched onto your soul. Feeding. Sometimes symbiotically, usually parasitically. When the two become one, the real trouble begins. All sense of separate identity is lost and a new creature that thrives in the depths of insecurity, loneliness, and neediness is brought forth out of the shadows! The "relationship" has arrived.

Yes, I've been through some experiences that have gotten me to this mindframe. For those I am thankful. I can focus exclusively on myself now. Career, future, money, status. I may even enjoy the company of women along the way, but none of this relationship nonsense.

Oh shucks, do I sound jaded?

 

[VanillaCreme]

It's not always about control. It's not always about roles. Or even obligations. I realized that the hard way myself. My ex always wanted control, and it took me a while to realize that that wasn't right.

 

[Callie]

It's not always about control. It's not always about roles. Or even obligations. I realized that the hard way myself. My ex always wanted control, and it took me a while to realize that that wasn't right.

Yeah, I was controlled a lot. Honestly, in more than one relationship. Deal with it enough and it makes you doubt everything about yourself.

 

[freedom]

what the heck is going on here?...

relationships are great! i'm under the impression that most people who are agreeing with you have had one bad relationship on which they're basing all their opinions. you guys are really generalizing relationships. i've never heard of the "honeymoon phase" being two years long. it goes on for as long as you want it to if you ask me. people do change, but it's for the greater good. speaking of animals, species survive only because they change, because they adapt to their surroundings. relationships work the same way. things won't always be sunshine and rainbows. when it's time for rain and thunder, you better know how to deal with it and make it through the storm. what good is whining and calling it quits?...

i hope you all find someone great in life to teach you how great it is to love and be loved.

 

[ShybutHi]

Everything that attracted you to that person fades and you are left with a bundle of needs latched onto your soul. Feeding. Sometimes symbiotically, usually parasitically. When the two become one, the real trouble begins. All sense of separate identity is lost and a new creature that thrives in the depths of insecurity, loneliness, and neediness is brought forth out of the shadows! The "relationship" has arrived.

That was great. I actually loled.

 

[oopsiedoop]

I don't know what you're saying. You're the type of person, the selfish kind, who makes relationships hell. We're not animals, or well even animals have social needs, most of them. So you're ignorant as well. They might not be monogomous, I think that's what you're referring to, but they also live in the jungle, where people like you belong.

overrated and a general pain-in-the-ass, basically humans are animals (and most are neurotic) who are incredibly flawed and highly annoying to others, that is why they are such work and never pan out in the end. Most try to fool themselves that they could ever be enough for another person or that person could be enough for them. People change, and when they do they move on. The typical honeymoon phase for a relationship is about two years they say. Real progress is realizing that you don't need to own another person to be happy. Own = hold the exclusive rights to their body, mind, and soul... it only leads to resentment.

It's better to just be selfish. Trust me.

Thoughts?

 

[Callie]

Um, overreact much? ****.... Sometimes I wonder if people know what the word IGNORANT actually means.

I don't know what you're saying. You're the type of person, the selfish kind, who makes relationships hell. We're not animals, or well even animals have social needs, most of them. So you're ignorant as well. They might not be monogomous, I think that's what you're referring to, but they also live in the jungle, where people like you belong.

overrated and a general pain-in-the-ass, basically humans are animals (and most are neurotic) who are incredibly flawed and highly annoying to others, that is why they are such work and never pan out in the end. Most try to fool themselves that they could ever be enough for another person or that person could be enough for them. People change, and when they do they move on. The typical honeymoon phase for a relationship is about two years they say. Real progress is realizing that you don't need to own another person to be happy. Own = hold the exclusive rights to their body, mind, and soul... it only leads to resentment.

It's better to just be selfish. Trust me.

Thoughts?

 

[EveWasFramed]

I don't know what you're saying. You're the type of person, the selfish kind, who makes relationships hell. We're not animals, or well even animals have social needs, most of them. So you're ignorant as well. They might not be monogomous, I think that's what you're referring to, but they also live in the jungle, where people like you belong.

I'm pretty sure you've already been asked not to call names, so let's not let this get out of hand, OK?