lovableplatypus
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- Oct 11, 2014
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First of all I'm not sure if this kind of stuff is allowed here. I tried to read the rules but I couldn't find about self-harm. This is not a suicide thread.
I've been working for almost a year now. Sometimes I make mistakes and I take them really hard. I just usually end up crying alone to relieve the pain of embarrassment and other feelings that I feel. I always feel like on the edge and even small failures make me go in a panic mode and I can't relax, am on the verge of crying etc. Today felt like it's all too much. What I did wasn't a major mistake though. No money was lost from our company, no one got hurt, it's nothing serious, just a simple thing where I just should have known better. I know everybody makes mistakes. Of course I don't know what others feel deep inside but when someone else makes a mistake they just seem to laugh it off, learning from their mistakes but not becoming miserable over them. Unlike me.
I don't know how I can face my boss tomorrow, she can get really scary. Or maybe she won't say a thing. I am so afraid what if I start crying because that's what I will most likely do. I believe I might be overreacting to this badly. So I got home and took a razor blade. I've never done this before and will not go into detail because that's not necessary. All I know is that it helped me but now I can't stop thinking what's wrong with me. What if this will turn into a habit? How is it that I can't seem to take these mistakes that I make, they are too much, I feel so stupid and I'm so embarrassed. I don't know what else I should have done except self-harm at this point.
I've been working for almost a year now. Sometimes I make mistakes and I take them really hard. I just usually end up crying alone to relieve the pain of embarrassment and other feelings that I feel. I always feel like on the edge and even small failures make me go in a panic mode and I can't relax, am on the verge of crying etc. Today felt like it's all too much. What I did wasn't a major mistake though. No money was lost from our company, no one got hurt, it's nothing serious, just a simple thing where I just should have known better. I know everybody makes mistakes. Of course I don't know what others feel deep inside but when someone else makes a mistake they just seem to laugh it off, learning from their mistakes but not becoming miserable over them. Unlike me.
I don't know how I can face my boss tomorrow, she can get really scary. Or maybe she won't say a thing. I am so afraid what if I start crying because that's what I will most likely do. I believe I might be overreacting to this badly. So I got home and took a razor blade. I've never done this before and will not go into detail because that's not necessary. All I know is that it helped me but now I can't stop thinking what's wrong with me. What if this will turn into a habit? How is it that I can't seem to take these mistakes that I make, they are too much, I feel so stupid and I'm so embarrassed. I don't know what else I should have done except self-harm at this point.