Sending an Email to Old "GF"

[passage]

This is something I've been debating for a few weeks now. I had a little thing going with a girl for a months, around the end of 2011. Wasn't a serious relationship or anything, but it was a "relationship" (I'm trying not to be explicit here). Anyway, I found that the time I spent with her really changed my outlook on life and other things in a positive way. Also, we were both from different countries, studying in another country (ie, me from x, her from y, and studying in country z).

So I've been debating whether or not to send her an email saying that I really enjoyed the time I spent with her, all the outings we did were extremely pleasant, and that she improved my outlook on life...etc. I've been debating for a few reasons
1) I'm not sure, but I think she might be slightly bitter about it, since we never said bye to each other, and since she thought I was quite the womanizer, which I'm not, maybe she feels like I was just using her. Which I wasn't.
2) Really important, I don't want her to get the impression that I want to continue a relationship. It would be great to stay in touch, but if not thats fine. I hope I don't sound too selfish when I say this, but I'd rather not talk with her about random crap about each others lives all the time. There is a possibility of me working in her part of the world, but that would be a year or two or three in the future. So, it would be nice to meet her again, but I don't want to give her the impression that I'd really go completely out of my way to see her again. Not sure if this thought is understandable, so ask for further explanation if you don't understand.

I"m sure the email would brighten her day, but again I don't want #2 happening.

Anyway, any advice here would be appreciated. If something isn't clear by all means ask. Thanks.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Don't email her.

 

[ahaikulife]

Don't email her.

agreed. You said yourself she was bitter, not only that, you also said you don't want a relationship with her. She could almost only see you as more of an ahole if you do.

 

[passage]

Don't email her.

agreed. You said yourself she was bitter, not only that, you also said you don't want a relationship with her. She could almost only see you as more of an ahole if you do.

I should've rephrased that. "There is a slight chance she is slighly bitter". 95% sure she isn't though.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

e-mail her.....
Thats becuase Im me.lmao

Becuase Im me. I kindda create my own experince.
IME....pretty much all the women that Ive form a relationship with had tried to reconcile
with me at onetime or another. At different levels.
The relationship I speak of..arnt flings, on-line or dating.ect

So Im not sure...what you mean exactly by not serious but it was a relationship anyway.
Where you just in the friendzone with her?
Get explict....already. If you dont then it's like youre asking people to connect the fucken dots.

At the end of the day...what you really want is to just have sometype of connection with her.
Just send her the e-mail and let the chip fall where they land. Then go on from there....
Your mind will be put at rest....instead of spinning and wonderning.

 

[passage]

e-mail her.....
Thats becuase Im me.lmao

Becuase Im me. I kindda create my own experince.
IME....pretty much all the women that Ive form a relationship with had tried to reconcile
with me at onetime or another. At different levels.
The relationship I speak of..arnt flings, on-line or dating.ect

So Im not sure...what you mean exactly by not serious but it was a relationship anyway.
Where you just in the friendzone with her?
Get explict....already. If you dont then it's like youre asking people to connect the fucken dots.

At the end of the day...what you really want is to just have sometype of connection with her.
Just send her the e-mail and let the chip fall where they land. Then go on from there....
Your mind will be put at rest....instead of spinning and wonderning.

Lol, sure. I like your responses lonesome crow. Well we were hanging out for about 2 months, taking walks, going to parks, and sleeping together...etc. But the final few weeks she became distant and would only see me for sex. (I would suggest we do something outside, she would say lets do something at your apartment, ie sex)

I'm just looking to tell her that I really enjoyed the time I spent with her, and that she had a really positive experience in my life. In other words, I really appreciated the time we spent. This is something I probably didn't say too much when I was with her, or at least I can't recall saying it.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

lol....

Ive been accused of being a womenizer becuase I gone through women
and I'm going through them rather rapidly at the moment.
But the thing of it is...Ive always only wanted to be with 1 person most of my life
but honeysuckle happens.....

On the flip side.
Anyway, one of my HS exgf reached out to me a while back. We went out for almost a year.
I was really nice to her..but she kind da treated me like honeysuckle. She knew it and I knew it.
She told me I was one of the nicest person she ever met in her life and she
was sorry for treating like that. She needed peace or closure. i just told her remember
the good times we had. it wasnt all bad.
She sent the E-mail to me. I spoke to her for around 6 months....stuff like that.

 

[shesafrozenfire]

Don't email her.

So I've been debating whether or not to send her an email saying that I really enjoyed the time I spent with her, all the outings we did were extremely pleasant, and that she improved my outlook on life...etc. I've been debating for a few reasons
1) I'm not sure, but I think she might be slightly bitter about it, since we never said bye to each other, and since she thought I was quite the womanizer, which I'm not, maybe she feels like I was just using her. Which I wasn't.

Reasons #1 and 2 not to email her.

2) Really important, I don't want her to get the impression that I want to continue a relationship. It would be great to stay in touch, but if not thats fine. I hope I don't sound too selfish when I say this, but I'd rather not talk with her about random crap about each others lives all the time.

Reasons #3 and 4 not to email her.

There is a possibility of me working in her part of the world, but that would be a year or two or three in the future. So, it would be nice to meet her again, but I don't want to give her the impression that I'd really go completely out of my way to see her again. Not sure if this thought is understandable, so ask for further explanation if you don't understand.

Seriously? Reason #5 not to email her.

I"m sure the email would brighten her day, but again I don't want #2 happening.

Um, don't count on that. If she really is a bit bitter about how it ended and felt that you were a womanizer, trust me, she probably won't be overjoyed to hear from you again.

Just leave it be.

 

[SophiaGrace]

You sound really selfish. If you cared about her you'd leave her alone and let her continue to move on.

 

[passage]

I'm quite confused. I want to send her an email to show my appreciation for having met her. She literally changed my life from going down to up. I don't have any hidden agenda. And somehow I'm a a selfish *******? I'd already stated, she might be, like 5%, slightly bitter. I base that because towards the end she just wanted to sleep with me as opposed to do other stuff. (Note, she pushed for that, not me)

I think I might have to get off this forum, I feel its just full of negativity. And alot of you assume I'm a selfish ******* who was just looking to sleep with her. Or that by sending this email, I'm looking to rub salt in some non existent wound or something fked up.

 

[shesafrozenfire]

I'm quite confused. I want to send her an email to show my appreciation for having met her. She literally changed my life from going down to up. I don't have any hidden agenda. And somehow I'm a a selfish *******? I'd already stated, she might be, like 5%, slightly bitter. I base that because towards the end she just wanted to sleep with me as opposed to do other stuff. (Note, she pushed for that, not me)

I think I might have to get off this forum, I feel its just full of negativity. And alot of you assume I'm a selfish ******* who was just looking to sleep with her. Or that by sending this email, I'm looking to rub salt in some non existent wound or something fked up.

No one is calling you an *******, and I don't recall anyone assuming that you were just using her for sex.

 

[Ox Blood]

I've e-mailed my first ex-bf, with no bad intentions in mind. There was quite a bit of confusion, drama, and miscommunication surrounding that relationship. Not to mention, it was both of our first times actually dating people. I can only speak for myself, but I had no idea what I was doing. Sometimes I still feel like I don't when it comes to dating.

It might sound selfish of me to initiate contact after so long, but it felt like the right thing to do. There was never really a "peaceful closer" between us. It bothered me for sometime afterward. He was rightly bitter about me provoking communication years later, and wasn't happy to hear from me. I knew he wouldn't be. However, it ended on a good note, and he actually thanked me for reaching out afterwards.

We haven't spoken a word to each other since and it's completely okay with me. We resolved what we weren't able to in the past and bring a peaceful closure in that chapter of both of our lives.

 

[Ashariel]

Well I am no genius at relationships, but my feeling is that if you have something you feel you need to get off your chest, you should say it. Each of us is responsible for our own happiness, and how your ex chooses to respond will be up to her. If you have regrets over things left unsaid, then I think it's all right to say those things. Especially if what you have to say is kind, and positive, and conciliatory in nature.

That's not to say I'm certain anything good will come of it, based on what you've said. It sounds a lot like the relationship I have with my ex. I think he might feel a lot like you do; he's always wanted us to remain 'friends', yet he doesn't want to really talk or share the details of our lives, or go out of his way to see me.... Which leaves me kind of confused as to what he really does want?!

So you might just confuse her... But again, she is responsible for her own happiness, and how she chooses to respond to your message. I choose to continue seeing my ex now and then, even though it just feels kind of pointless to me, and not a genuine 'friendship'... But no one is forcing me to see him, so I take responsibility for my own choice to participate in this confusing relationship.

 

[Sterling]

This is something I've been debating for a few weeks now. I had a little thing going with a girl for a months, around the end of 2011. Wasn't a serious relationship or anything, but it was a "relationship" (I'm trying not to be explicit here). Anyway, I found that the time I spent with her really changed my outlook on life and other things in a positive way. Also, we were both from different countries, studying in another country (ie, me from x, her from y, and studying in country z).

So I've been debating whether or not to send her an email saying that I really enjoyed the time I spent with her, all the outings we did were extremely pleasant, and that she improved my outlook on life...etc. I've been debating for a few reasons
1) I'm not sure, but I think she might be slightly bitter about it, since we never said bye to each other, and since she thought I was quite the womanizer, which I'm not, maybe she feels like I was just using her. Which I wasn't.
2) Really important, I don't want her to get the impression that I want to continue a relationship. It would be great to stay in touch, but if not thats fine. I hope I don't sound too selfish when I say this, but I'd rather not talk with her about random crap about each others lives all the time. There is a possibility of me working in her part of the world, but that would be a year or two or three in the future. So, it would be nice to meet her again, but I don't want to give her the impression that I'd really go completely out of my way to see her again. Not sure if this thought is understandable, so ask for further explanation if you don't understand.

I"m sure the email would brighten her day, but again I don't want #2 happening.

Anyway, any advice here would be appreciated. If something isn't clear by all means ask. Thanks.

I don't think you should e-mail her. Leave it be.

If I was this girl, I wouldn't care to hear from you. I'd probably be annoyed by it nor would it brighten my day. You don't want to talk to her, you don't want any form of relationship out of her, you just want to tell her you enjoyed your time together? Some things are better left un-said.