angel_in_view
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- Aug 31, 2011
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[/size] Hello. I haven't posted on here in a while, but enjoy reading the different sections. I have an issue that I hope some will be able to answer.
I've been friends w/a girl for about 8 yrs. I first met her through my job. She got hired to work in the same bldg w/me. We hit it off almost immediately and became really close. We had a lot of stuff in common..and we still do.
After 3 years, I relocated to another office that was 2 1/2 hrs. away. We kept in touch (talked on the phone & emailed), but we only actually saw eachother a handful of times in the 4 yrs that I was away. I was blessed w/the opportunity to come back to town after being gone those 4 yrs. Although we wouldn't be working in the same office anymore, we were both excited to be in the same town again! I've now been back for almost 2 years.
At first, it was as if things just picked back up from where we'd left off. After about 6 months, I started noticing the changes. We used to text eachother for at least an hour every evening bc that was our time to "catch up" on non-work related topics. We were usually so busy during the day, that we didn't have time to talk about general stuff. After about 2 wks I asked her about it. She said she was busy bc her 3 kids had started school & she had to rip & run them to all of their after school activities. By the time she got home, it was basically dinner, baths, bed. I understood that and didn't give it another thought. I have 2 brothers who are teachers, so I understand how your schedule & bodies are "out of whack" at first when school starts. Two more wks go by w/o any contact from her. So I call her that next week. She's happy to hear from me & we plan a lunch date.
That's when I REALLY noticed things were "off." It started out ok, but then it seemed like the conversation w/us was strained. So, I asked her point blank what was wrong w/us? What was going on? Had I done something w/o knowing? She said nothing was wrong. Its just that she's tired & grumpy from having to do all that stuff w/the kids. She was getting no help from her hubby. Hmm..okay. Well, things didn't get any better. I wouldn't hear from her for a month @ at time. I'd text her to "check in" and she'd respond. But, she wouldn't text me first.
About 3 mo after school started, we were supposed to go shopping. She cancelled promising to reschedule. She didn't. We agreed to meet for dinner about 2 wks later so we could exchange gifts. I was surprised to hear from her bc up until then, I'd been the one making all the effort. Well, dinner was so uncomfortable that I came home w/my mind made up that I was NOT going to do that again. It just felt like we were schoolmates that hadn't seen eachother in 30 yrs and just happened to run into eachother somewhere. That was the last time we saw eachother. Since then, we've texted mabye 3-4 times.
It has really hurt my feelings bc I know I haven't done anything to her. We were so close & now it seems like you have to pull teeth to do anything. I am the type of person who has always believed friendship is a two way street. I am NOT going to run up underneath anyone & beg them to be my friend. My hubby thinks its bc of her kids. When we lived here before, they were in middle & elem school. Now they are in middle & high school. I understand they've grown & are now into all kinds of things. However, to me that has never mattered. If I'm your friend, I'm your friend. I have other friends who have gone through different stages in life(gotten married, have had kids, etc) and while things do change..we have all continued to be friends. ON TOP OF THAT, while I was living in the other town, she told me about a girl she was friends w/who had gotten married & basically dropped their friendship like a hot rock. She was very upset about it bc she felt the way I did about being a friend. I guess that's why this hurts so much. I never thought she'd do this to us.
So, that brings me to the subject of this post. Should I just let it "transition" into a casual/we'll just say hi & talk if we happen to run into eachother friendship? Or should I try to keep it alive?
I've been friends w/a girl for about 8 yrs. I first met her through my job. She got hired to work in the same bldg w/me. We hit it off almost immediately and became really close. We had a lot of stuff in common..and we still do.
After 3 years, I relocated to another office that was 2 1/2 hrs. away. We kept in touch (talked on the phone & emailed), but we only actually saw eachother a handful of times in the 4 yrs that I was away. I was blessed w/the opportunity to come back to town after being gone those 4 yrs. Although we wouldn't be working in the same office anymore, we were both excited to be in the same town again! I've now been back for almost 2 years.
At first, it was as if things just picked back up from where we'd left off. After about 6 months, I started noticing the changes. We used to text eachother for at least an hour every evening bc that was our time to "catch up" on non-work related topics. We were usually so busy during the day, that we didn't have time to talk about general stuff. After about 2 wks I asked her about it. She said she was busy bc her 3 kids had started school & she had to rip & run them to all of their after school activities. By the time she got home, it was basically dinner, baths, bed. I understood that and didn't give it another thought. I have 2 brothers who are teachers, so I understand how your schedule & bodies are "out of whack" at first when school starts. Two more wks go by w/o any contact from her. So I call her that next week. She's happy to hear from me & we plan a lunch date.
That's when I REALLY noticed things were "off." It started out ok, but then it seemed like the conversation w/us was strained. So, I asked her point blank what was wrong w/us? What was going on? Had I done something w/o knowing? She said nothing was wrong. Its just that she's tired & grumpy from having to do all that stuff w/the kids. She was getting no help from her hubby. Hmm..okay. Well, things didn't get any better. I wouldn't hear from her for a month @ at time. I'd text her to "check in" and she'd respond. But, she wouldn't text me first.
About 3 mo after school started, we were supposed to go shopping. She cancelled promising to reschedule. She didn't. We agreed to meet for dinner about 2 wks later so we could exchange gifts. I was surprised to hear from her bc up until then, I'd been the one making all the effort. Well, dinner was so uncomfortable that I came home w/my mind made up that I was NOT going to do that again. It just felt like we were schoolmates that hadn't seen eachother in 30 yrs and just happened to run into eachother somewhere. That was the last time we saw eachother. Since then, we've texted mabye 3-4 times.
It has really hurt my feelings bc I know I haven't done anything to her. We were so close & now it seems like you have to pull teeth to do anything. I am the type of person who has always believed friendship is a two way street. I am NOT going to run up underneath anyone & beg them to be my friend. My hubby thinks its bc of her kids. When we lived here before, they were in middle & elem school. Now they are in middle & high school. I understand they've grown & are now into all kinds of things. However, to me that has never mattered. If I'm your friend, I'm your friend. I have other friends who have gone through different stages in life(gotten married, have had kids, etc) and while things do change..we have all continued to be friends. ON TOP OF THAT, while I was living in the other town, she told me about a girl she was friends w/who had gotten married & basically dropped their friendship like a hot rock. She was very upset about it bc she felt the way I did about being a friend. I guess that's why this hurts so much. I never thought she'd do this to us.
So, that brings me to the subject of this post. Should I just let it "transition" into a casual/we'll just say hi & talk if we happen to run into eachother friendship? Or should I try to keep it alive?