Sick Relatives

[Sci-Fi]

My grandmother hasn't been doing well this past year. About 7 years ago we had to put her into a home, she's deaf and was falling asleep in her recliner when she was cooking or running water. She didn't like it at first, really didn't like it, but after a few years she accepted her life there and actually came to like living in a rest home. Last year she had a spell and ended up having to be in a wheelchair for a bit. She didn't like that and would fight it, she ended up twisting up her feet and now is permanently stuck in a wheelchair. She had a laps in memory as well, she kept thinking my mother (the oldest) was her sister or someone else. It was really hard to see her like that. She came out of it and remembers it all.

This year she's had several strokes, and even though the nurses at the rest home thought she might not make it through the night she did. I've lost count how many she's had a stroke. I don't get to see her often since I'm only home on weekends, and really I don't want to with the conditions she's in. She's become very frail and can't remember things, or talks about the same subject. She really likes to talk about the past when all us grand kids were younger.

Just this past weekend my Aunt called my mom pretty late at night to let her know that my grandmother had yet another stroke. The real sad part is that my grandmother wants to go, she's said herself she's lived a long life and it's time. We'll probably go see her this weekend since it's getting close to Christmas, my mom will probably buy her socks again, my grandmother likes getting them. My mom buys her good ones to help keep her feet warm. It's just getting harder to see her like she is, her face lights up when she sees my brother and I, so far she's always remembered who we are.

Sorry if this has been so sad, I just needed to get it out.

 

[Naleena]

((((((((((((((((((((((((SciFi))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Sorry to hear about your grandma. I know it's hard for you to see her like she is. I've noticed something about men in my job and have talked about it with co-workers. There is something about men it seems, that they can't stand to see people they love in pain or in conditions that may cause suffering. Men are knights in shining armor, the saviors, the providers, the ones that take personal responsibility upon themselves to make those they love happy and safe. Men are also the ones who can't stand the thought of not having control to do that, of not being able to make things better. Men appear to take things harder than women when it comes to that. I think it's the feeling of helplessness. The reality of knowing that there is nothing they can do. I know it seems like a generalization, but I've seen it over and over. I wonder if you are feeling a little bit of that?

It's hard to see a person change with age. You look at them and remember who they were and it hurts to know they are a shadow of that. Especially when it comes to dementia. It's like you loose a part of that person. Though your grandmother may not be who she used to be; this is who she is now. And while it hurts to see her like that, it may help to know she isn't aware of it. She doesn't realize she is saying the same things over. It's all new to her. Though you can't exchange things on a mental level as you once did; you still have that ability to exchange things on a deeper level. That level of love that is a soulful connection and doesn't require words. She knows that you are there and you love her. The words really don't matter. You and your brother make her happy. For that day, in that moment, you are a knight in shining armor to someone who loves you.

 

[queenwindbaby]

It's like Naleena says it's hard to see the ones we love suffer and change drastically. I like her already, she has quite the spirit, doesn't she? I'm a senior and can understand when she says"she does't want to be here anymore". In my care giving days (of the elderly) I heard that a lot but what family don't seem to grasp is: that is how she feels. The thought of losing her is too hard for the family to hear. I know when and if I go to a nursing home they will have me in restraints and probually tape across my big mouth-you can't do this and can't do that! Wow-talk about giving up your rights and freedom! And knowing this is the last stop-hard to accept. Yes, go see her and light up her life-she deserves that much. And, you love for her is very apparent.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Thanks, both of you.

I do love my grandma, she's always been good to us grand kids. My mother, Aunt's and Uncle's have a different relationship with her, a bit strained of one. They all went through a lot when my grandparent's broke up, none of us were even born then, I think my mom was 18. My grandmother wasn't an easy person to live with apparently. She can be a very "bitchy" person, lol, one time when we were visiting her she requested to one of the nurses not to sit this one woman near here. She doesn't like her. I was trying not to laugh with the way she said it, it was comical but not very nice of her. The nurse just smiled and told her not to worry she's sitting at another table. They've gotten to know how my grandmother can be, and they've been great with her.

If you've ever heard the old saying "Heaven won't take me and Hell's afraid I'll take over." My grandmother said that about herself once. She told my mother she's too much of a ***** for either to want her. She still has her spirits about her that's for sure. I never knew where my love of cheezies and orange pop came from, until my cousin mentioned about how grandma used to always give us grand kids that. I had forgotten all about that, it was when we were really little.

It's even getting hard for my mom to go see her, sometimes my grandma has trouble remembering my moms name which is weird since they have the same first name, though my mom goes by her middle name. My mom visits her the most out of everyone in my family, and they have had the most turbulent relationship. My mom never let that get in the way of use seeing our grandma though, she used to watch us when she lived in the same city. My grandma always kept a box of die cast cars for the grand kids to play with, and always made sure she had pop and a ham in the freezer. My brother and I love ham, she mentions that when we visit, how she would always cook one up.

 

[misa]

Sci-Fi, sorry to hear about your gram. but she is very old and ill. at least she has lived a long life and most importantly she has told you that she is ready to die. i don't think its sad in theory, but it sad to hear someone say that.

my aunt's boyfriend had a mri and they found tumors in his brain. this was over thanks giving. he had to have an operation and now his motor and speech nerves are damaged so he can not speak or walk. they are going to begin radiation and chemo because its an aggressive cancer. it was really sudden. he was fine one day and now he's a different person. he's ill and frail and he can't even talk. its very frustrating for him. i saw him and he had always been a serious guy who was not emotional. he just cried and kept grabbing onto my aunt to hug her. it was heart breaking and i couldn't watch... he was only 62 and not really prepared for this i think.

i feel naive about all of this. nurses watch these things every day and its really weird for me just to see this one thing. i don't know anything about ailments and disease and illnesses.

 

[Mr. Sir]

Sorry to hear this, man.

 

[bootiful]

My mom passed away 6 months ago. She had been sick for 8 years but the last 3 years were very hard for her. Although it was the most painful experience I have ever dealt with and continue to deal with, I am very happy that she is at peace at last. Many times while listening to her cry in pain I wished that God would just take her because I couldn't stand knowing that she was in so much pain. It's a very traumatic experience to lose someone you have loved all your life, but when they are in so much pain all you can do is tell them that you are and will always be there for them. I do not believe that only men can feel protective, I am a woman and the only family my mom ever had and she was the only family I ever had. I was the only person to take care of her during the 8 years she was sick. I was helpless, I could not make it better. And, although I wish she was here with me, I am thankful that she is no longer in pain and that she is my Angel who will always be watching over me and waiting until we are reunited.

 

[stuff4096]

Sorry to hear your sad story. There is certainly no need to apologize for the post. That is what the forum is for. A place to freely get things out that might not otherwise come out. Your story was very touching. I have not personally experienced anything like this so I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you. Making someone's day is the best gift you can ever give someone. I hope you can take some comfort in knowing that much. Your grandma sounds like a very nice lady so hang in there for her sake

 

[shells]

My mom passed away 6 months ago. She had been sick for 8 years but the last 3 years were very hard for her. Although it was the most painful experience I have ever dealt with and continue to deal with, I am very happy that she is at peace at last. Many times while listening to her cry in pain I wished that God would just take her because I couldn't stand knowing that she was in so much pain. It's a very traumatic experience to lose someone you have loved all your life, but when they are in so much pain all you can do is tell them that you are and will always be there for them. I do not believe that only men can feel protective, I am a woman and the only family my mom ever had and she was the only family I ever had. I was the only person to take care of her during the 8 years she was sick. I was helpless, I could not make it better. And, although I wish she was here with me, I am thankful that she is no longer in pain and that she is my Angel who will always be watching over me and waiting until we are reunited.

I can relate to this.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Thanks everyone, and for sharing your stories. My mom went to see my grandmother on the weekend, she said she wasn't looking so well. She was laid up in bed and looked yellow in colour. Her memory is slipping again as well, when one of my Aunts was by to see her several weeks ago my grandmother thought she was my Great Aunt Edie. I just wish she could have the peace she is wanting.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Well, my Grandmother came down with the flu that has been going around her nursing home on the weekend, she passed away last night. She finally got the peace she's been wanting for so long now.

 

[LGH1288]

Well, my Grandmother came down with the flu that has been going around her nursing home on the weekend, she passed away last night. She finally got the peace she's been wanting for so long now.

My condolences to you & your family.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Thanks LGH

Went to the funeral today, got to see some of my cousins that I haven't seen in a very long time. My second cousin Porsche read a very touching poem about our grandma. It's too bad one of my Uncles couldn't take the stick out of his ass for one day, everyone else put their differences aside. Oh well, what can you do. I bet my grandma was looking down wanting to smack him. Sometimes you have to decide what is more important at times like this, petty grudges or family.