So I *almost* met someone today...

[Tealeaf]

But when he approached and seemed to get flirty, my anxiety skyrocketed to 10x the normal level, I broke out in a sweat, and all I could think about was getting away. Spent the next half hour berating myself and trying to calm down.

No idea how I'm supposed to meet someone this way.

I never used to be this scared, but as I had more and more bad experiences it just got worse. I'm not even sure I'm 100% over the incident with my first boyfriend in middle school, where he felt that things weren't progressing fast enough in the sexual department and that spiking my drink was the answer. If he hadn't broken down crying when I was halfway through my drink and confessed so that I had time to scramble upstairs and demand a ride home, I have no idea what my life would be today...

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

Tealeaf. I'm so sorry what you went through. No wonder you have a hard time trusting guys. In the past I picked out of a lot of horrible guys. Guys that would only want sex and none of them loved me. That happens when you're abused though which I was... now many guys don't stick around and I get creeped out easily if sex is mentioned. I just want a guy who's not a pervert and will love me for my interests and not my lookes.

You deserve a great guy and one day you'll find the right one. How did that guy talk to you? Did he say anything sexual that scared you off? Lots of things can trigger us and get us to run away. If you want to respond, vent away and I'll listen.

 

[Limlim]

However, the jackpot situation is ending up with a girl who shares your interests *and* has an amazing rack.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Lim, I don't think that will help her.

Tealeaf, what your boyfriend did in middle school was bad, and in middle school, wth? That definitely wouldn't leave a very good impression on you at all. Not all guys are like that though, just keep your guard up. Next time a guy comes along and flirts with you try really hard to stick it out, or even admit you are a bit nervous. Some guys find it enduring, well the ones that aren't just trying to get into your pants. If a girl I actually had the guts to go up and talk to said that to me it would be a huge relief, because most of the honest guys will be just as nervous.

Keep at it though, the more you put yourself out there and try the easier it will eventually get. Just don't close yourself off, it can do more harm than good.

 

[Limlim]

Help what? I was just saying I liked boobs.

 

[Tealeaf]

Tealeaf. I'm so sorry what you went through. No wonder you have a hard time trusting guys. In the past I picked out of a lot of horrible guys. Guys that would only want sex and none of them loved me. That happens when you're abused though which I was... now many guys don't stick around and I get creeped out easily if sex is mentioned. I just want a guy who's not a pervert and will love me for my interests and not my lookes.

You deserve a great guy and one day you'll find the right one. How did that guy talk to you? Did he say anything sexual that scared you off? Lots of things can trigger us and get us to run away. If you want to respond, vent away and I'll listen.

He didn't even say anything crude or offensive. That's why I was so upset with myself for just reacting to the fact that he was flirting in the first place.

I feel a bit better now, but thank you. I tend to vent in small bursts. =)

 

[andrew.1]

Hopefully next time you won't be as nervous and things will be better.

 

[Phaedron]

While reading this, I thought I saw a typo of scared for sacred, but what an idea that would be. Instead of scared, be sacred. Weave the typo into the reaction. (if only instinct could typo) face cowardice with reverence, replace aww with awe. Placebo the Gazebo. There's a trick to the tealeaf. The perfect make practice.

And be careful with those spiked drinks, they give you spiked thinks...

You gotta trick yourself out of the shyness. The vaccine is made from the poison, the solution is made from the problem.

The Symbols don't lie.

 

[perfanoff]

That's quite poetic, Phaedron.

 

[Gutted]

Lol Lim (Y)

One thing that we all MUST remember, is that no two people are the same. You could meet 50 Guys who screw you over time and time again. But you can't give up. If you give up, you're guaranteed an unhappy ending. But if you try and try again, you'll give yourself chance after chance for things to go right, as well as wrong. IF things were to go wrong in the end, at least you could go out of this world knowing that you did try, rather then give in. That's more then what a lot of people do I bet.

 

[Tealeaf]

While reading this, I thought I saw a typo of scared for sacred, but what an idea that would be. Instead of scared, be sacred. Weave the typo into the reaction. (if only instinct could typo) face cowardice with reverence, replace aww with awe. Placebo the Gazebo. There's a trick to the tealeaf. The perfect make practice.

And be careful with those spiked drinks, they give you spiked thinks...

You gotta trick yourself out of the shyness. The vaccine is made from the poison, the solution is made from the problem.

The Symbols don't lie.

The brain is a silly thing, you never know...

Lol Lim (Y)

One thing that we all MUST remember, is that no two people are the same. You could meet 50 Guys who screw you over time and time again. But you can't give up. If you give up, you're guaranteed an unhappy ending. But if you try and try again, you'll give yourself chance after chance for things to go right, as well as wrong. IF things were to go wrong in the end, at least you could go out of this world knowing that you did try, rather then give in. That's more then what a lot of people do I bet.

It's true that you can't win if you don't play, but honestly I'd rather die alone than ever allow someone to forcibly take away my ownership of self and personal sanctity for their base pleasure. My other experiences haven't convinced me that it's safe, emotionally if not physically. If other guys can be fooled into thinking a complete twat is a "nice guy," what hope do I have? I've often been told that guys are better at picking up on flaws in other guys than women.

It's not even that, necessarily. Just... the kind of things I see if I browse online forums. Ways to trick women into bed by acting like she's special to you, leaving if they don't put out within three dates, etc. I don't know how many men and which ones are into this stuff, and really getting a grasp on someone's character takes time.