LongWolfFang
Active member
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2015
- Messages
- 29
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- 1
Hello there. Kind of new/old, since I've been a big lurker... But, uh, nice to meet you. ^^;
So, I've known this friend for at least three to four years now, and I used to have a romantic interest in her. However, due to how our friendship is turning out, I've lost the attraction and just want to keep the friendship as is. The real problem is that I feel like I'm investing too much in the friendship and it's finally taking it's toll. She likes to complain a lot that I don't talk to her much anymore, but she puts me in a position where I'm... kind of lost for words.
When we used to spend a lot of time together, it consisted of things she liked to do. When she told me "you can suggest stuff, too, you know", I took her up on that several times and suggested games we could play and was willing to share other hobbies of mine. But she'd make excuses to back out of things, such as "yeah, we'll see. That's if my wrist doesn't give me problems" or "not sure if I'll have time or if I can keep up with you".
I'd believe the wrist situation if it weren't for two things: 1) She says this EVERY time I'd suggest an activity like a game. That's just shady; and 2) She plays games with other guy friends of hers all the time. Don't see how her wrist doesn't prevent those hours of play.
...Not to mention that she also complains when I don't like to talk to her about my life and stuff anymore. Kind of hard to do that when she either doesn't say anything of true relevance towards the subject and switches the topic on herself afterward, or literally doesn't respond at all when we're IMing or something — it causes me wonder if she even care or really pays attention.
What does she expect me to say if whatever I DO say is ignored in general?
It's stressful because I'm just the listener — it's always a one-sided conversation. I'm expected to have lengthy conversations about things only she's interested in or do things only she likes/plays games that she like, despite her saying otherwise. I'm not trying to sound selfish (and if I am, then perhaps the problem lies with me...), but every time I have that one opportunity to talk about myself, it falls on deaf ears. And the fact that she keeps saying I'm one of the most important people to her, it sure as hell doesn't seem like it.
Perhaps from the perspective of "he's always there to listen and do whatever I want", sure...
So, the only solution to this is to tell her. Problem is, every time I wish to discuss "problems", she kind of flees from it. Either she changes the subject really fast or gives me the silent treatment. Then there's the rare moments of her getting defensive as well.
But it's a problem that requires a serious response. Otherwise, I'll be forced to end the friendship, and part of me won't feel the same to do that.
I've accepted that people come and go; she may be another one of them. It just sucks to still feel lonely even when you have "friends". My only problem is finding out a way to actually sit her down and get her to listen to me for once instead of being blinded by her own needs. I'd rather talk it out properly first and see where things go the right way, rather than ditch the friendship without saying anything...
My apologies for the length. I didn't intend to rant for so long... -_-
So, I've known this friend for at least three to four years now, and I used to have a romantic interest in her. However, due to how our friendship is turning out, I've lost the attraction and just want to keep the friendship as is. The real problem is that I feel like I'm investing too much in the friendship and it's finally taking it's toll. She likes to complain a lot that I don't talk to her much anymore, but she puts me in a position where I'm... kind of lost for words.
When we used to spend a lot of time together, it consisted of things she liked to do. When she told me "you can suggest stuff, too, you know", I took her up on that several times and suggested games we could play and was willing to share other hobbies of mine. But she'd make excuses to back out of things, such as "yeah, we'll see. That's if my wrist doesn't give me problems" or "not sure if I'll have time or if I can keep up with you".
I'd believe the wrist situation if it weren't for two things: 1) She says this EVERY time I'd suggest an activity like a game. That's just shady; and 2) She plays games with other guy friends of hers all the time. Don't see how her wrist doesn't prevent those hours of play.
...Not to mention that she also complains when I don't like to talk to her about my life and stuff anymore. Kind of hard to do that when she either doesn't say anything of true relevance towards the subject and switches the topic on herself afterward, or literally doesn't respond at all when we're IMing or something — it causes me wonder if she even care or really pays attention.
What does she expect me to say if whatever I DO say is ignored in general?
It's stressful because I'm just the listener — it's always a one-sided conversation. I'm expected to have lengthy conversations about things only she's interested in or do things only she likes/plays games that she like, despite her saying otherwise. I'm not trying to sound selfish (and if I am, then perhaps the problem lies with me...), but every time I have that one opportunity to talk about myself, it falls on deaf ears. And the fact that she keeps saying I'm one of the most important people to her, it sure as hell doesn't seem like it.
Perhaps from the perspective of "he's always there to listen and do whatever I want", sure...
So, the only solution to this is to tell her. Problem is, every time I wish to discuss "problems", she kind of flees from it. Either she changes the subject really fast or gives me the silent treatment. Then there's the rare moments of her getting defensive as well.
But it's a problem that requires a serious response. Otherwise, I'll be forced to end the friendship, and part of me won't feel the same to do that.
I've accepted that people come and go; she may be another one of them. It just sucks to still feel lonely even when you have "friends". My only problem is finding out a way to actually sit her down and get her to listen to me for once instead of being blinded by her own needs. I'd rather talk it out properly first and see where things go the right way, rather than ditch the friendship without saying anything...
My apologies for the length. I didn't intend to rant for so long... -_-