StorytellerSly
Member
- Joined
- Jun 19, 2016
- Messages
- 19
- Reaction score
- 0
I kinda know what i have to do to improve my life at this point even though i feel like i can't because of my medical issue that i feel ruined a lot of things for me which caused me to have sezuires at a young age and had to be on medication and i got off of it before it would have probably killed me. I was a terrible student in high school i managed to graduate but getting a special deploma doesn't really get someone into college and i was about 21 when this happened.
I never learned have to really work a proper job because i could never make up my mind and because of bad experiences i haven't learned how to drive either and i seem to have no interest or short attention span or just can't contain all the knowledge of driving or have really low esteem i don't know why really.
I've spent the majority of my time playing video games since its one thing i'm pretty good at and making friends online and i live at home on disability with my parents who are retired/disabled. I'm 39 as of may of this year and haven't done anything to improve myself because i just don't know what to do or how to do anything but i'm having constantly worrying about my future because of things getting more expensive, because i'm single and a lot of other issues, i don't think i could raise a family because my lack of game with women and i had girlfriends in the past up to i was about 26 but i just stopped trying because nobody wants to be with someone that doesn't work or isn't successful in life.
I have one friend from highschool but he has a family to take care of and i just feel more and more depressed/anxiety that i keep bottled up because i feel like i can't really talk to many or get help. I'm so used to the way i life that i haven't tried to really change much besides adding new games to play. I feel beat up as the years go on but i guess thats my age getting to me. having bad knees (left ACL repair) the medical problem being a hydrocephalus shunt which had to be put in when i was 2yo and had to take meds for sezuires
https://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=3826
I don't know anymore what to really do people tell me what i should do but then i just sit down in front of my computer or ps4 and forget i even heard anything since thats all i feel i'm good at or know and i could do something with that but the amount of crap i'd have to learn like running a youtube channel and doing editing i think i'd need help learning that since i seem to have issues learning period. there is so much i feel i can't do or don't want to do since i feel like i'd fresia it up and fail that i don't even try. and the thoughts just don't really stop the worries of ending up homeless and not being able to maintain what i do because of lack of education or i feel i'd be too distracted. the worrying has gotten to the point i've lost sleep on many days but not all at once. like today i woke up at 6-6:30am being bothered by all of this and normally i used to be able to sleep most of the time without waking up early from whats on my mind but now since i turned 39 its hard to control i mean my worrying used to be about a 3-4 out of 10 now its 8-9-10, honeysuckle one day it was an 12 i was so worked up i felt a meltdown coming but i didn't cry i just tried to maintain my sanity and deal with it alone.
I never learned have to really work a proper job because i could never make up my mind and because of bad experiences i haven't learned how to drive either and i seem to have no interest or short attention span or just can't contain all the knowledge of driving or have really low esteem i don't know why really.
I've spent the majority of my time playing video games since its one thing i'm pretty good at and making friends online and i live at home on disability with my parents who are retired/disabled. I'm 39 as of may of this year and haven't done anything to improve myself because i just don't know what to do or how to do anything but i'm having constantly worrying about my future because of things getting more expensive, because i'm single and a lot of other issues, i don't think i could raise a family because my lack of game with women and i had girlfriends in the past up to i was about 26 but i just stopped trying because nobody wants to be with someone that doesn't work or isn't successful in life.
I have one friend from highschool but he has a family to take care of and i just feel more and more depressed/anxiety that i keep bottled up because i feel like i can't really talk to many or get help. I'm so used to the way i life that i haven't tried to really change much besides adding new games to play. I feel beat up as the years go on but i guess thats my age getting to me. having bad knees (left ACL repair) the medical problem being a hydrocephalus shunt which had to be put in when i was 2yo and had to take meds for sezuires
https://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=3826
I don't know anymore what to really do people tell me what i should do but then i just sit down in front of my computer or ps4 and forget i even heard anything since thats all i feel i'm good at or know and i could do something with that but the amount of crap i'd have to learn like running a youtube channel and doing editing i think i'd need help learning that since i seem to have issues learning period. there is so much i feel i can't do or don't want to do since i feel like i'd fresia it up and fail that i don't even try. and the thoughts just don't really stop the worries of ending up homeless and not being able to maintain what i do because of lack of education or i feel i'd be too distracted. the worrying has gotten to the point i've lost sleep on many days but not all at once. like today i woke up at 6-6:30am being bothered by all of this and normally i used to be able to sleep most of the time without waking up early from whats on my mind but now since i turned 39 its hard to control i mean my worrying used to be about a 3-4 out of 10 now its 8-9-10, honeysuckle one day it was an 12 i was so worked up i felt a meltdown coming but i didn't cry i just tried to maintain my sanity and deal with it alone.