Sorry internet friends, but I've been told you don't matter.

[Arnaert]

It's strange, you talk to people online and it seems as if you get on so well with someone. It's great, you think wow there are people out there like me. But it's not real.

There was this girl I talked to online for months. She would get sad a lot and I felt for her because she was the sweetest person I've ever had a conversation with. Whenever she was sad I would talk to her to make her feel better and she'd tell me that I was so nice & after a while of speaking she started telling me that I should go to New York City (that's where she is). I'd tell her sure, she'd get excited. I always hoped the best for her. Finally she got a girlfriend & she'd say she was in love with her. I congratulated her because I know that's the kind of thing she wants. About two months ago I was on this road trip and I would be spending a day in New York. I sent her a message saying I would be there in a few days. I joked that it was because I was stalking a band(I was following a band , but they told me to). I said that if she wanted she could come say hi or whatever. She never responded. She cut off ties. I tried asking her what was wrong. No response. Her girlfriend broke up with her and I tried making her feel better. No response. I tried one last time. Nothing.
I asked a friend about this and she said that people on the internet owe me nothing. I just don't understand why people will be your friend online, but then shun you when the possibility of meeting happens. It's hard. I feel so bad as if maybe if I was cooler or more attractive this wouldn't have happened. As much as some hate to admit, attractive people do have it easier. Idk, but she's such a good person, I can't be angry. I can only wish I had been good enough. I'm tired of not being good enough.

 

[emptyspace]

Some people chose to bare their souls to people on the internet because it's easier to do so. Not having someone stare at you with those judgemental eyes while we sob/whine/vent/rejoice. Most of us start of thinking we will never ever meet these people and so our secrets are safe, identities are kept secret. Although i'll have to agree that not everyone's like that, some of us truly want to meet new people, new friends with whom we can interact with in real life as well as on the web.

It can be intimidating especially when you've confided in someone so much. Heck, just meeting someone new at work sometimes freaks me out too. And it doesn't have anything to do with bein attractive or not. Maybe she's just freaked out about it. I know i would.

 

[Starman]

well you said she brought up the possibility of meeting before so it doesn't sound like that's the reason she cut off. maybe she can't handle things after the split with her gf and and needs time to get over it before meeting anyone again. suggesting a meet might have panicked her right now. give it a little time then contact her again and ask her how she is. if she still doesn't respond then you really have to ask yourself is she worth the effort; but the fault would be with her, not you

 

[2fresh4youx]

Yeah, well I cant sort of relate to your situation. It was different to yours, but it basically translates to how different people we are on the internet compared to real life.

Long story short, I used to work in a big place with lots of people. There was a girl there that I started talking to, but it wasn't in person (we didn't get much time to talk at work). Instead it was over Facebook messaging. We flirted and did all that stuff and finally to meet up in person. The spark just wasn't there. It was really akward from then on end at work, because somehow we connected online but never in person. We went out several times to see if anything could eventuate but it never did. Long story short; never put much expectation on online dating. The internet just hides so many things about a person. Two of those things, being mannerisms & physical attraction, are extremely important hurdles to get over when you first meet one another.

But yes, as much as everyone is supportive & nice on here, I'm not taking everything that everyone says to heart. It's only an outlet for my social problems and not much else.

 

[Starman]

i'm not sure physical attraction and mannerisms is a great problem in an age where video calling is so easy

 

[2fresh4youx]

Hmm, yes and no. I can't necessarily tell if I'm extremely attracted to someone from a webcam/photo, as much a real life. There can be huge difference.

 

[Okiedokes]

The right person will think you're good enough. I think that internet friendships do count and if someone doesn't want to meet, they should just say it and not pretend they want to. If it seems nearly impossible, they should at least say that much and that there are no promises of meeting. Anyways, maybe she was not feeling up to meeting since she just had a break up and sometimes people need some alone time to think about things. If it's not that, maybe she is really shy or perhaps was no longer interested as bad as that sounds. You already asked her what was wrong and she didn't reply so I don't know what else to say. :\

 

[Stars]

Online friends are not real lolol...I learnt that the hard way...they'll say this and that but when the time comes - they're no where to be found...I no longer emotionally invest in this online friend BS.

 

[Gutted]

You've had a bad experience with online friends haven't you, Stars? (Not obvious at all lol) But that's just it. It's about the individual in this case I think. Some of us will meet total dicks online who will ruin our perception of online friendships. Others will meet truly amazing people. You just happened to meet an EMOTIONAL Girl. Don't let it ruin your perception of others and online relationships. Not before they've had a chance to ruin it themselves lol.

 

[Antonio]

I don't know how blunt we can be on this forum, so I apologize beforehand if I go across the line.

I am a misanthrope and I have no problem admiting that. Most of people are honeysuckle and it is something easier and faster to notice online, because people seem to feel entitled to treat others like a paper bag and discard them as they please even faster when online, when things aren't close and personal, where a place is numb of human heat and emotions like the internet. For about 14 years of my internet experience meeting others, I had all the type of disapointments and honestly now I expect nothing from others when things are developed on the internet. It is up to you to let yourself get hurt or not. If you go full hearted (like I already did in the past) with others over the internet, it is most probable that you will get kicked in the teeth. On the internet people feel entitled to behave like heartless pricks and use others until they feel like it. Even if they seem to have the greatest intentions, the great majority of cases isn't what it seems.

From now and then... very rarely... we find this precious diamonds that stick with us forever, though.

 

[Arnaert]

Idk. I know she's nice to people in her real life. Amazingly so. And online she could be so sweet as well. That's why it's really made me feel like honeysuckle that I'm the person who gets rejected. Out of all the people that talk to her online, it's me that gets disposed of.

In the last message I sent her I said that I didn't understand any of this, but that I would give her some space. I told her the truth that this experience made me self conscious about my social skills. I just can't think of anything that I may have done wrong. I was always nice. And I was always aware if I was becoming too much of a constant. But anyway told her I would maybe try again in about a year.

Idk, is a year long enough? Does this sound like a bad idea?

 

[Antonio]

Just try to not over think about the issue, put yourself as a priority and take well care of yourself phisically and mentally or this can hurt you in the long run... and by then you actually get blind when a real person/oportunity arises.

 

[Arnaert]

Just try to not over think about the issue, put yourself as a priority and take well care of yourself phisically and mentally or this can hurt you in the long run... and by then you actually get blind when a real person/oportunity arises.

What if this person was someone of high status? What if she was the only person of that status to ever even compliment me?

I can't really empathise with people. That ability alludes me, but I really would like it if maybe you guys did. Idk, I've never really had people do that for me.

 

[IgnoredOne]

What if this person was someone of high status? What if she was the only person of that status to ever even compliment me?

I can't really empathise with people. That ability alludes me, but I really would like it if maybe you guys did. Idk, I've never really had people do that for me.

Won't be the case. Don't go out of your way to say nevers.

 

[Arnaert]

What if this person was someone of high status? What if she was the only person of that status to ever even compliment me?

I can't really empathise with people. That ability alludes me, but I really would like it if maybe you guys did. Idk, I've never really had people do that for me.

Won't be the case. Don't go out of your way to say nevers.

Sorry, but what does that mean?

 

[Antonio]

By this thread I suppose you already empathized with at least one person in your life.

I am not saying is not hard, is far from being easy. But, I can't stress enough about saying that you need to protect yourself, whatever might be your decision or actions. I talk about self experience. I'm sorry to tell you this, but doesn't worth to destroy oneself by someone that seem to not care anymore.

Just try to not over think about the issue, put yourself as a priority and take well care of yourself phisically and mentally or this can hurt you in the long run... and by then you actually get blind when a real person/oportunity arises.

What if this person was someone of high status? What if she was the only person of that status to ever even compliment me?

I can't really empathise with people. That ability alludes me, but I really would like it if maybe you guys did. Idk, I've never really had people do that for me.

 

[Awkwyrd]

All my real world friendships have fizzled to nothing over my life as easily as online ones do, so it is not just an online phenomena. If one person puts more into a relationship of any kind, or thinks that they do, it can make it very difficult to keep that relationship going.

I had a similar experience of getting to know someone quite well through letter writing while in the Army, and though we had gone out a few times when I was home on leave, the relationship did not last long after I actually got out and we started spending more real time together. Things just felt different and in the end, we broke up. Funnily enough, we had even gotten to the point of discussing marriage in our letters before my enlistment was over.

I can't say what being there in person did to make things so much different. After all, we were both the same people who wrote the letters to each other. Whatever it was, we just felt like something was out of place when we actually began seeing each other face to face.

Perhaps your friend had a similar experience in the past and just got a case of the nerves... or like others have said already, she is just down about her breakup. Either way, you can keep trying and hope she eventually answers, or just chock it up to a lesson learned and move on to the next friend. You never know, the next one might give more than receive in your relationship anyway.

 

[Poguesy]

If we create friendships with people over the net are we not deluding our perception of them the longer the friendship goes on?

Perhaps starting to fantasise over who and what this person is, only to feel great disappointment when it comes to d-day?

I dunno...just some thoughts this thread sparked off.

Seeking friendship online is not worth it mostly.

 

[HappyYogi]

I am sorry. That is disappointing.

I am not sure it's because of the Internet, though. There are lots of people who have met in person after meeting online. I think it's her. She flaked. Simple as that. Whether it's fear or whether she wasn't true or whatever...she flaked on you.

But don't blame yourself. Because it is her.

Also, I think internet dating can be a blessing. It's just a way to meet others. From there you see if there is chemistry. But if you don't drink, aren't meeting suitable singles of your age, etc...it's a blessing. I found two long term bf's from it. Quality men.

---

I think maybe she got scared.

She realized she is meeting someone in person who she divulged a lot of personal stuff. She probably has anxiety about facing you and if it would work out.

Now that's not an excuse but I bet it's it. Because it can be awkward if it doesn't work out, flow, with someone who you've shared so much with.

Again, don't blame yourself and don't assume everyone is cavalier with internet buddies. Many value their internet buddies a lot and will actually follow thru.

 

[nerdygirl]

I strongly disagree with the concept that relationships are somehow invalid simply because they're conducted online. Perhaps it's because I've moved so many times. Perhaps it's because I've been involved with men who were in the military. Perhaps it's just my own inability to play silly mind games. When I call somebody my friend, it has nothing to do with our location. It has nothing to do with the means with which we communicate. True friendship is not about how much time you get to spend physically united. It's about coming together in your minds. Anybody who believes otherwise has no freaking clue what real friendships are, and I try not to waste my time with them.