somber_radiance
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- Joined
- May 6, 2011
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I've walked this earth for 21 years as an individual with no Y-chromosome. In other words, I'm a 21 year-old female.
Not sure how to start. I have so much to say and it's hard to know anyone from just an introduction. Essentially, I have denied myself from admitting that I feel alone. (Warning: this is really long)
Growing up, I always had friends to talk to and hang out with. But as the years went by, I began to feel like I really didn't belong anywhere. I got along fine with everyone, but that was the thing. I had a lot of shallow friendships and...NOBODY really knew me.
It never dawned on me until my high school crush threw those words at me, "I realized I don't really know you" ...we had known each other for a long time and been "talking" for at least a year. That's when I realized that, although I knew my extroverted friends very well, it didn't mean that they knew me, because I kept too much to myself. Now that I think of it ...even my ex didn't quite understand me.
I thought things would change in college. I thought I'd finally find my niche and meet that special someone. As my alter ego emerged, I embraced the party scene and went through my "wild" phase. I meet many fun people and many guys too.
Well, I've just finished four years of college and realized that I don't feel particularly close to any of the hundreds of people I have met during my time here (and, no, I did not make my friends at parties). During my last few semesters, I noticed that I did more and more things by myself. Nobody would call me anymore to hang out or eat lunch. I would just sit in my room bored out of my mind. Most weekends, I'd stay in and tell myself it's to get work done, but I end up wasting time trying to get rid of that feeling of emptiness. I don't mind doing things alone so much, but it's ridiculously BORING. I lose all motivation and inspiration to do anything. I can't even be a couch potato when I'm bored.
A few days ago, I was thinking, I've taken a job in a state, in which I have no friends or family...or anywhere nearby. In the past, I would have seen this as an adventurous chance to start over and meet new people. However, I feel incredibly lonely thinking about it. I will have no social life. I don't know how to start one outside of the academic world.
If things keep continuing on like this...I foresee that my future is going to be real lonely... I might lose my mind. Genetically, my chances are higher than average...
Not sure how to start. I have so much to say and it's hard to know anyone from just an introduction. Essentially, I have denied myself from admitting that I feel alone. (Warning: this is really long)
Growing up, I always had friends to talk to and hang out with. But as the years went by, I began to feel like I really didn't belong anywhere. I got along fine with everyone, but that was the thing. I had a lot of shallow friendships and...NOBODY really knew me.
It never dawned on me until my high school crush threw those words at me, "I realized I don't really know you" ...we had known each other for a long time and been "talking" for at least a year. That's when I realized that, although I knew my extroverted friends very well, it didn't mean that they knew me, because I kept too much to myself. Now that I think of it ...even my ex didn't quite understand me.
I thought things would change in college. I thought I'd finally find my niche and meet that special someone. As my alter ego emerged, I embraced the party scene and went through my "wild" phase. I meet many fun people and many guys too.
Well, I've just finished four years of college and realized that I don't feel particularly close to any of the hundreds of people I have met during my time here (and, no, I did not make my friends at parties). During my last few semesters, I noticed that I did more and more things by myself. Nobody would call me anymore to hang out or eat lunch. I would just sit in my room bored out of my mind. Most weekends, I'd stay in and tell myself it's to get work done, but I end up wasting time trying to get rid of that feeling of emptiness. I don't mind doing things alone so much, but it's ridiculously BORING. I lose all motivation and inspiration to do anything. I can't even be a couch potato when I'm bored.
A few days ago, I was thinking, I've taken a job in a state, in which I have no friends or family...or anywhere nearby. In the past, I would have seen this as an adventurous chance to start over and meet new people. However, I feel incredibly lonely thinking about it. I will have no social life. I don't know how to start one outside of the academic world.
If things keep continuing on like this...I foresee that my future is going to be real lonely... I might lose my mind. Genetically, my chances are higher than average...