stressful day

[heretostay]

i hate social anxiety. i havent had it in a long time but this year and last it seems to be getting worse. i was trying to "embrace my loneliness" which was working until i went to class the last couple of days.

i think some of it is im just older and im expecting to be able to relate to younger people. i think i forget im older sometimes.

so i was just wondering, for all you out there that are 18-22 yrs old, is it weird to socialize with someone that is 30 yrs old? I saw a women that was probably in her 40's hanging out with a bunch of 20 yrs old. the older lady was acting like the kids. i was so embarrassed for her, but at the same time i understand why she did that. it might actually be kind of weird for me to try and socialize with younger kids. ive tried to talk to a couple of girls and they'll give me one word answers, but that's about it. not in all cases, but in most. so i was just curious. i have made a couple of friends, but they were older and i dont have classes with them anymore. im going to a church this sunday with older people. maybe i'll have some luck there.

 

[Badjedidude]

Well, I think that 40 yr-old lady's problem is that she wasn't trying to socialize with the younger people, she was trying to BE one of them. There's a difference between trying to talk with/be around someone younger...and trying to act like or become one. I, too, have seen plenty of older women trying to dress and act like high school girls...and it just comes off as pathetic becuase the older women have apparently forgotten their age...or are just in some sort of self-denial about their age.

As long as the older person in the group can remember that they ARE older, and act accordingly, then I think it's fine. It IS possible for an older person to hang with younger people and still hold on to their maturity and life experience. Often, the older person (in a good example of older w/youngers) acts as a behavior-moderating force, sort of the unacknowledged authority figure of the group that just sort of naturally works to keep things from getting too out of control. The same happens with conflict mitigation in the group. People turn to the older person to act as sort of a judge....and I think that these are all needed, natural results of an older person hanging with younger people.

But the older person should never "lose themself" or forget that they are, in fact, older and are therefore held to different standards. No more overly tanned 50-yr olds in hip-hugger bell-bottoms and midriff cutoff spaghetti strap shirts, plz.

----Steve

 

[Twitchy]

As long as the older person in the group can remember that they ARE older, and act accordingly, then I think it's fine.

fresia that...

That being said, I don't think age should be a factor in the friendships we keep.

 

[Badjedidude]

I didn't mean that a 40-yr old CANNOT hang out with 20-yr olds...but there has to be a limit to how far the older person goes to "fit in."

I think there is a real problem when (in the example in my post above) a 50-yr old woman will go to those lengths to try and fit in with "the kids," or act like one...*shrug* It just seems to me that someone like that is trying to deny their age, or can't find friends their own age, or something.

----Steve

 

[Twitchy]

I didn't mean that a 40-yr old CANNOT hang out with 20-yr olds...but there has to be a limit to how far the older person goes to "fit in."

I think there is a real problem when (in the example in my post above) a 50-yr old woman will go to those lengths to try and fit in with "the kids," or act like one...*shrug* It just seems to me that someone like that is trying to deny their age, or can't find friends their own age, or something.

Ok, Ok...I'll stop wearing the hip hugger bell bottoms and the cutoff spaghetti strap shirts since it bothers everyone so much.

However if there's anyone waiting for me to act my age, they are in for a very long wait. :/

 

[EveWasFramed]

(un)

 

[cheaptrickfan]

As long as the older person in the group can remember that they ARE older, and act accordingly, then I think it's fine.

fresia that....

*MWAH*

lol

Age has never been a factor in my friendships, and the only thing I try to keep in mind in regard to my behavior is "CheapTrickFan, don't act like a total ass."

fresia this being a role model bullshit. And Super-fresia the idea of acting like "a Lady."

Now I don't stroll down the street spitting and cursing, but I am no shrinking violet either. If I need to tell someone what for, I can.

 

[kelbo]

I think it is a fine. Age is just a number - it is your mental age that counts and the stuff you're into.

I am 21 years old (nearly 22) - the group of friends I hang around with varies. Some are 24-25, and then some are 29-30 and even a couple are 32-35. We are all equals - it isn't as if on a night out, or an evening in that any of us will think "oh that's the old one" or anything like that. Nobody is treat any differently. It's just always quite shocking when it is our birthdays and then it is like "woah didn't realise the age difference" but other than that it's ok.

There is nothing wrong with hanging out with younger or older people, as long as you are both in the same place mentally. For example if I were to start hanging around with a 16 year old, it wouldn't really be tooo bad in the number of years (only 5 years difference) but it would be seen as very strange because I go out to nightclubs/drink/have sex/act a bit older and do different things that what a usual 16 year old would do (then again I am generalising there because everyone is different - many 16 year olds might be mature for their age) D'ya get what I mean though? Depends on the persons involved.

Thats my thoughts anyhow. Hope this eases some of your social anxiety.

 

[Steel]

Nobody should ever feel the need to "act their age". People should act the way they want - not feel constrained to act a certain way because of the possible disapproval of others.

To those that think otherwise, may I just say "Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Baaaaaaaaaaa."

 

[EveWasFramed]

ROFL@ sheep

 

[Badjedidude]

?? If everyone acted the way they wanted, then people would be running around hacking each other with axes and eating their victims' flesh.

That's an extreme example, but societal moderation is there for a reason, folks...I'm not saying that people have to follow set character roles for WHO THEY ARE...but how they act in public? Yeah, there need to be some lines. If society had no need for those lines then they never would have come about in the first place. Maybe I'm just old-fashioned, but when I see a 42 yr-old guy hanging around with 18-yr old guys, I wonder what he's looking for or why he's there.

Situation changes things, though...if it were, say, in a pub setting, then yeah, I would naturally expect to see lots of different people of various ages mingling together, joking, drinking together, and stuff. Same with a sports event or something like that. What I'm talking about is when it goes too far--when an older person tries to do things that only a younger (more immature, inexperienced) would do...just to try and fit in or relive years past....like dressing younger or trying to act young.

*shrug* Like I said, I may just have an outdated view of things...but I won't apologize for it. So don't hate!

----Steve

 

[johnfernandez00]

Age should not be the restriction to be a friend of someone. I agree that this is a little less prevalent in the society but who cares until you have a good friend. In fact you can learn a lot from them, the older people have a lot of experience on their part and learning something from it would be of good use in the future.

 

[Twitchy]

fresia this being a role model bullshit. And Super-fresia the idea of acting like "a Lady."

Now I don't stroll down the street spitting and cursing, but I am no shrinking violet either. If I need to tell someone what for, I can.

"Super-fresia"...that is genius.

I am in complete agreement. Acting a certain way to please others is bullshit, especially when you're going to be treated with disdain regardless of what you do (as I often am).

The best person I know how to be is me. If anyone has a problem with that, it's really just too bad for them.

---

*shrug* Like I said, I may just have an outdated view of things...but I won't apologize for it. So don't hate!

No hate here. Everyone deserves their own theories. Unless we're sitting in a jury, there's no law that says we all have to agree.

 

[EveWasFramed]

?? If everyone acted the way they wanted, then people would be running around hacking each other with axes and eating their victims' flesh.

That's an extreme example, but societal moderation is there for a reason, folks...I'm not saying that people have to follow set character roles for WHO THEY ARE...but how they act in public? Yeah, there need to be some lines. If society had no need for those lines then they never would have come about in the first place. Maybe I'm just old-fashioned, but when I see a 42 yr-old guy hanging around with 18-yr old guys, I wonder what he's looking for or why he's there.

Situation changes things, though...if it were, say, in a pub setting, then yeah, I would naturally expect to see lots of different people of various ages mingling together, joking, drinking together, and stuff. Same with a sports event or something like that. What I'm talking about is when it goes too far--when an older person tries to do things that only a younger (more immature, inexperienced) would do...just to try and fit in or relive years past....like dressing younger or trying to act young.

*shrug* Like I said, I may just have an outdated view of things...but I won't apologize for it. So don't hate!

----Steve

I like you, Steve, but you can be kinda narrow minded on occasion.

I'm one of those people who are perfectly comfortable hanging around with younger folks. I am 41, and I have two brothers, ages 19 and 23. Hell, we like a lot of the same stuff. I've even had people raise their eyebrows at me when I've been out some place with my oldest little brother - like I was some sort of "cougar" and he was my "cub." It's disgusting how people can leap to conclusions simply by LOOKING at someone. I play video games too!! Should I retire my Zelda and Mario games and take up..err...what do "older" people do these days anyways?? Like...knitting or something?? (lol, yes I know that was a stereotype) I played baseball ever weekend with a bunch of teenagers until I was in my mid-30s (once they got old enough to get jobs, that stopped). Even now, sometimes I hang out with them and their freinds. No, I don't feel out of place and they've never looked at me funny because I like the same stuff they do. You can't judge someone like that.
Do I wear what kids my brother's ages wear? Nope. But if I liked that style, you can bet your ass I would.
I act how I act. Period. My "age" doesn't have a **** thing to do with it and it never will.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

fresia this being a role model bullshit. And Super-fresia the idea of acting like "a Lady."

Now I don't stroll down the street spitting and cursing, but I am no shrinking violet either. If I need to tell someone what for, I can.

"Super-fresia"...that is genius.

;-)

I am in complete agreement. Acting a certain way to please others is bullshit, especially when you're going to be treated with disdain regardless of what you do (as I often am).

The best person I know how to be is me. If anyone has a problem with that, it's really just too bad for them.

I carry this over in dating/relationships now... finally after God knows how many years. Yes, it can be frustrating when it seems that men in my past have not wanted to accept me, the whole package, without asking that I tweak myself somehow. I know that there are areas where I could benefit from some work (my attitude, trust issues etc), but FFS, one guy actually said, "You're a ****-fine looking woman now, but do you know how hot you'd be with a little plastic surgery? Wear some more dresses, put on some makeup, you'd be a totally different person!"

!??!

I don't need that crap. I have zero interest in changing some man to fit some ideal, why should I allow someone to treat me as though I were a lump of clay?

fresia that. No... Super-fresia that. heh

 

[Badjedidude]

Haha, well I never claimed to be perfect. I do come from a fairly conservative/religious upbringing, so my mind does tend to follow some pretty "straight-and-narrow" pathwork..

...but I do at least realize that my opinion isn't the only one out there, and that counts for something.

Haha I like you too, EveWasFramed, and I have a sneaking suspicion that I'd be fine hanging out with you any 'ol day of the week, no matter our age difference. ^_^

----Steve

 

[EveWasFramed]

Haha, well I never claimed to be perfect. I do come from a fairly conservative/religious upbringing, so my mind does tend to follow some pretty "straight-and-narrow" pathwork..

...but I do at least realize that my opinion isn't the only one out there, and that counts for something.

Haha I like you too, EveWasFramed, and I have a sneaking suspicion that I'd be fine hanging out with you any 'ol day of the week, no matter our age difference. ^_^

----Steve

Indubitably.

And yes, it does count for something!

 

[Twitchy]

but FFS, one guy actually said, "You're a ****-fine looking woman now, but do you know how hot you'd be with a little plastic surgery? Wear some more dresses, put on some makeup, you'd be a totally different person!"

I think I might have kicked him. That's just incredibly rude.

I don't need that crap. I have zero interest in changing some man to fit some ideal, why should I allow someone to treat me as though I were a lump of clay?

What a lot of people don't realize is that trying to change for someone else is actually bad for both people involved. It's not fair to the person trying to change, and the other person just ends up with a phony. Why anyone would want that is beyond me.

Then again, I suspect 90% of the people here would prefer I purchase a large handgun and blow the back of my skull out just for being myself. So in some cases, I suppose folks prefer a phony. :/

 

[EveWasFramed]

Then again, I suspect 90% of the people here would prefer I purchase a large handgun and blow the back of my skull out just for being myself.

I disagree with that. Completely.

 

[Badjedidude]

Wow...I don't know you that well, Twitchy, but that seems like it's from waaaaaay out in left field! You're not a bad dude!

Lol I think 90% of the people on here will want to shoot you themselves just for saying that!

----Steve