terrified

[simhthmss]

the only support i have ever had is my brother i have no one else that isnt a professional to talk to and hes moving to ireland for half a year....im already falling apart hes the only company i have had for 8 years and im near constantly in pieces these days i dunno what to do :-(

hes stopped me killing myself a lot of times im really scared

 

[Ioann]

Keep posting here. I know its not the same as having your brother, but it will help

 

[SophiaGrace]

You know, it may surprise you but the professionals care about you too. They're trained to care about their clients. They're not just robots.

That being said, yeah, maybe you should think about trying to put yourself out there more? Somehow?

 

[Tiina63]

Also keep in mind that he will be back in six months whenever you feel really low. Although it feels like an eternity now, it will soon go.

 

[Punisher]

You still have us

 

[simhthmss]

i appreciate your kind words but i dont think people get how bad this is, ive almost died (one time spent months i cant even remember having seizures on a midazolam drip apparently in out of body fully immersive hallucinations) i only see these people an hour every couple weeks that's all they have time for and except dialing 999 after 5pm theres no one who can physically be with me anymore which is what i desperately need ive been totally isolated for 8 years im only just trying to piece my life together for the 100th time and its about the worst thing that could happen, no offense but my condition is massively complex with many problems; they all sort of collide creating this world of catch 22's and paradoxes that put me where i am today.

if you could hear what the voices i hear say i cant even bring myself to type the words i hear, im finding just being alive unbearable

thank you for listening and replying though everyone *grouphug*

 

[VanillaCreme]

Perhaps think of how your brother feels. When you feel like you're not doing so well, look at it from his perspective. Think of what he would tell you or say to you. You seem to hold your brother in high regard, so always remember that he cares and that he loves you, and wouldn't want anything to happen to you. And that when he comes back from those 6 months, he'd want to tell you all about Ireland. I know it's hard, way easier said than done, but think positive. Look forward, towards the future.

 

[mattathyah]

Keep your chin up, he will be back in 6 months, in the long run it isn't that long. Maybe try to take up a hobby to get feeling out in the open. And we are here for anything you need!!!