The Epiphany that will Change my Life

[SignedSierraLynn]

It's all my problem. It all came to me. I dug deep into my thoughts and emotions. I have found something. I can't find the answer because I have been asking the wrong question. This is what I came up with........

I always asked, "Why doesn't anyone love me for me?" What I really should have been asking was "Why don't I love myself for me?". I HAVE BEEN DEPENDANT ON SOMEBODY ELSE'S ACCEPTANCE IN PLACE OF MY OWN ACCEPTANCE. Subconsciously, I've been pushing people away because I couldn't trust anyone. I pushed them away before they can hurt me. I was expecting to be hurt or lied to. When a person has a mother that has lied, used, exploited, neglected, and let them be sexually abused, that person loses all trust in people. A mother usually is someone that is most trusted and the one a child can be moat close to and feel safe. That was taken from me. When you experience thay abuse at such an early age, all done by their own mother, it is infused with them for life. But I realized this. IT IS HER FAULT WHAT SHE DID AND IT BURNED ME DEEPLY, BUT IT'S MY RESPONSIBILITY NOT TO LET IT HAVE CONTROL OVER ME. NOT TO LET IT DEFINE ME. I'm not the six year old little girl thriving for her mother's love and security anymore. I can't let her comments, her hurtful words, and her actions have effect on how I live my life anymore. I'm stronger than thay. I haven't been living my life. I've been living in the anguish of my past. I might not be able to forgive and forget, but I'm able to demolish the power she has had over me. I will love, trust, and live my own life and take everything that has happened to me and play those cards that were dealt to me into what's best for me.
Signed, [/color][/size][/b]
Sierra Lynn

 

[Lost Drifter]

Excellent. You're stepping in the right direction.

 

[kamya]

*hugs* Good luck dood. Sounds like you might be on to something.

 

[LoneKiller]

I'm very happy for you. You have strong mental power and force of will. 2 very important ones to have in life. Keep doing what you are doing and you will become even stronger. I respect your outlook and guts.

 

[SignedSierraLynn]

Thanks guys. Loves!

 

[Ak5]

I'm very happy for you. You have strong mental power and force of will. 2 very important ones to have in life. Keep doing what you are doing and you will become even stronger. I respect your outlook and guts.

Ditto.

 

[In a lonely place]

I always asked, "Why doesn't anyone love me for me?" What I really should have been asking was "Why don't I love myself for me?".

IT IS HER FAULT WHAT SHE DID AND IT BURNED ME DEEPLY, BUT IT'S MY RESPONSIBILITY NOT TO LET IT HAVE CONTROL OVER ME. NOT TO LET IT DEFINE ME.
Signed, [/color][/size][/b]
Sierra Lynn

Yes, love yourself, a hard thing to do sometimes, but if you don't love yourself, who else will?

I feel for you. I'll pray for you. Be strong.