FarahFalak
Active member
Hello to all ...
my native language is not english so i apologize in advance for my bad grammar
To have reached lifes Mountain Top can mean Victory but also loneliness ...
i have suffered a lot of cruelty in this what seems to be such a long lifetime ( age 43 ) . i had to deal with many horrible things and on top of it i battle with numerous illnesses yet i survived a lot and some i still battle . Sometimes i wonder how i managed it all ... i never grew up with loving people / parents ( abuse ) yet i was or am able to show much love to others and am always there when someone needs me . All my life i wore this mask and pretended to be this happy person and to so many i appear so strong but i feel lately my facade is crumbling down . in 2009 i was diagnosed with Cancer and even that could not shake me , i treated it like a flu and told myself it would pass and i really dont pay it that much importance . i have lost some '' friends '' due to the fact that the Doctors told me that i will kick the Bucket within 5 years and some could not deal with that . i made new friends also ...
i was working for the Military but had to quit my job due to my illness which left me devastated but came to accept that i will no longer be able to work .
The past years i started to withdraw from a lot of people , nothing makes sense anymore i just feel people have become so superficial and nothing has deep meanings anymore .Some People enjoy being rude and immoral so it seems . i just cant cope with many people anymore ... i know it is probably me but still i feel so much has changed in this world and all too quickly !
So many hypocrites , liars , players and cruelness ... maybe i am just depressed ( lol , i know i am ) but i still treat people with the utmost respect . i just feel the world has become so hostile . i miss having deep and meaningful conversations , i miss myself smiling and laughing ...
i never have or had problems making friends but now i have chosen to be alone and i love and hate it , i cant explain ... but loneliness is a killer !!! i stared at my screen the other day and just typed ''alone'' and the first thing appeared was this site ...
i am deeply sorry for my rant but i just feel so really really tired lately mentally and physically ... but i take it day by day in hopes to one day find my smile again ...
thanks for reading ...
my native language is not english so i apologize in advance for my bad grammar
To have reached lifes Mountain Top can mean Victory but also loneliness ...
i have suffered a lot of cruelty in this what seems to be such a long lifetime ( age 43 ) . i had to deal with many horrible things and on top of it i battle with numerous illnesses yet i survived a lot and some i still battle . Sometimes i wonder how i managed it all ... i never grew up with loving people / parents ( abuse ) yet i was or am able to show much love to others and am always there when someone needs me . All my life i wore this mask and pretended to be this happy person and to so many i appear so strong but i feel lately my facade is crumbling down . in 2009 i was diagnosed with Cancer and even that could not shake me , i treated it like a flu and told myself it would pass and i really dont pay it that much importance . i have lost some '' friends '' due to the fact that the Doctors told me that i will kick the Bucket within 5 years and some could not deal with that . i made new friends also ...
i was working for the Military but had to quit my job due to my illness which left me devastated but came to accept that i will no longer be able to work .
The past years i started to withdraw from a lot of people , nothing makes sense anymore i just feel people have become so superficial and nothing has deep meanings anymore .Some People enjoy being rude and immoral so it seems . i just cant cope with many people anymore ... i know it is probably me but still i feel so much has changed in this world and all too quickly !
So many hypocrites , liars , players and cruelness ... maybe i am just depressed ( lol , i know i am ) but i still treat people with the utmost respect . i just feel the world has become so hostile . i miss having deep and meaningful conversations , i miss myself smiling and laughing ...
i never have or had problems making friends but now i have chosen to be alone and i love and hate it , i cant explain ... but loneliness is a killer !!! i stared at my screen the other day and just typed ''alone'' and the first thing appeared was this site ...
i am deeply sorry for my rant but i just feel so really really tired lately mentally and physically ... but i take it day by day in hopes to one day find my smile again ...
thanks for reading ...