Unconscious vibes

[SimonT]

I think I give off unconscious vibes. Maybe that I'm inapproachable, unfriendly or recently was told that a message I sent to someone enquiring about their opinion on a software was slightly aggressive. I've since read the message back and don't see it. Think it was a little blunt and maybe came across as direct and a tad slightly confrontational if you get me. Maybe a lack of lol's or something I dunno. The long and short of it is, I didn't mean it to come across that way. So why do people dislike me or misinterpret me. I'm lost. Maybe it's just depression that makes me that way.

 

[9006]

If you use lack of emotion in any communication (Especially text/message) people assume you're either miserable or hostile, and as always it's how you word things. IE you could say "Do you think this software is good?" rather than "Tell me if this is any good." the latter is kind of a demand rather than a question, but it takes something as simple as that for people to automatically think you're being aggressive or something.

 

[SimonT]

Think this is the case.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I think I give off unconscious vibes. Maybe that I'm inapproachable, unfriendly or recently was told that a message I sent to someone enquiring about their opinion on a software was slightly aggressive. I've since read the message back and don't see it. Think it was a little blunt and maybe came across as direct and a tad slightly confrontational if you get me. Maybe a lack of lol's or something I dunno. The long and short of it is, I didn't mean it to come across that way. So why do people dislike me or misinterpret me. I'm lost. Maybe it's just depression that makes me that way.

I used to get similar comments 25 years ago. People definitely didn't like me then. They said I was miserable, rude, never smiled, had no sense of humour. I didn't mean to be. I have always tried to nice. I had no friends. The people I hung around with didn't like me. Everybody made fun out of me. I couldn't get a job because I never passed the interview. Women either laughed at me or ignored me.

All these things don't happen now (I think) - I am not sure why, either I have changed somehow, developed a personality because I work in retail or I don't take notice of the comments that people make.

I would suggest improving your 'people' skills. A good way is working with people either retail or charity shops.

 

[Nightwing]

If you use lack of emotion in any communication (Especially text/message) people assume you're either miserable or hostile, and as always it's how you word things. IE you could say "Do you think this software is good?" rather than "Tell me if this is any good." the latter is kind of a demand rather than a question, but it takes something as simple as that for people to automatically think you're being aggressive or something.

I used to get something similar in my job. I'd get comments like "whoa! This is really aggressive." And I just couldn't get it. As far as I was concerned, I was being concise and getting to the point. My boss taught me to write in a "fluffier" way... perhaps that's all Simon needs to do?

 

[Annie Bodie]

I used to get something similar in my job. I'd get comments like "whoa! This is really aggressive." And I just couldn't get it. As far as I was concerned, I was being concise and getting to the point. My boss taught me to write in a "fluffier" way... perhaps that's all Simon needs to do?

Well, instead of using the word "fluffier" I'd say he should try to be a bit more chatty

My husband is dealing with a similar issue stemming from an e-mail he received two days ago from his division supervisor. He's been trying to figure out what the man's subtext actually is, whether he's just brusque or if he's actually annoyed with my husband personally and/or unhappy with his job performance.

 

[9006]

People are conditioned (or 'brought up') different ways, some people like to exchange pleasantries, meaningless conversations or candy-coat sentences while others prefer to get to the point or simply want any information requested. Whatever the case I think it's fundamental people have patience and respect as not everyone's the same.

 

[robinstoke]

And some people are just douchebags with the inability to look deeper than what they see with their eyes..

 

[Forever Misanthrope]

Agreed with robinstroke (add them to the small minority of quality posters). The problem isn't you based on what you're saying. Those you converse with need to develop thicker skin ... or skin to begin with. Hell, any skin will do when someone who doesn't user over 9000 laugh-out-loud(s) is aggressive.

 

[SofiasMami]

Saying please and thank you go a long way.
I tend to be blunt too and written communication can be easily misinterpreted because there are no nonverbal cues to rely on. I had to email instructions to an attorney last week that I'm not happy with but made extra sure to include please and thank you even though I was really pissed; that's not a bridge I want to burn.


-Teresa