Wanted: self-esteem
- Thread starter Wayfarer
- Start date
Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:
Arachne
Well-known member
- Joined
- Sep 6, 2014
- Messages
- 3,056
- Reaction score
- 22
You build it one step at a time. Sometimes my self esteem takes a hit but I keep fighting regardless. Have a look at this link might help you..
self esteem
self esteem
Tealeaf
Well-known member
Do.
All the positivity talks never worked for me. The only reason I have a lick of self-esteem is because of my work.
All the positivity talks never worked for me. The only reason I have a lick of self-esteem is because of my work.
SofiasMami
Well-known member
It's not something you get by reading a book or seeing a therapist. I agree with Tealeaf, accomplishing things over and over again that give you a sense of pride and help you feel good about yourself will lead you down the path to self-esteem.
-Teresa
-Teresa
ladyforsaken
Well-known member
Like what Tealeaf and Teresa said. You gotta try and push yourself to do things, get out of your comfort zone. It's one way to do it... at least that's how I did it. That said, there's also a need to be mindful of how the different outcomes of that situation will be and no matter how negative it turns out, you have to be able to tell yourself that it's okay to fall down after the first several tries. But the most important thing is to learn from those falls and get up again to improve yourself. I wish you good luck on this.
If you are male and want self-esteem, you have to confront other men and be able to physically beat them or dominate them in some way.
If you are female and want self-esteem, you have to marry a rich, handsome man and get pregnant.
There's no other way, that's it. Sad but true. We are what we are, completely predictable.
If you are female and want self-esteem, you have to marry a rich, handsome man and get pregnant.
There's no other way, that's it. Sad but true. We are what we are, completely predictable.
Mr Seal The Albatros
Well-known member
I agree with tealeaf as well. I once had bad self-esteem too. Try different things and work slowly, but if one doesn't work, don't give up yet. Nobody's perfect and we all make the odd mistake here and there. Best of luck! 
ABrokenMan
Well-known member
Self-esteem grows from confidence.
Confidence can only grow from positive life experiences.
Such is paramount regarding personal relationships.
If you have little or no positive experiences, it will impede or prevent all potential to grow one's self esteem.
No words, self-help books, encouraging platitudes, etc are a viable substitute.
Confidence can only grow from positive life experiences.
Such is paramount regarding personal relationships.
If you have little or no positive experiences, it will impede or prevent all potential to grow one's self esteem.
No words, self-help books, encouraging platitudes, etc are a viable substitute.
DariusArgent
Well-known member
Start by doing small things. If you accomplish those things and feel good about it then you made a first huge step. If not, find something else to do for there is always something to do.
sothatwasmylife
Well-known member
Anything you acheive will give you self esteem....anything no matter how small....this will give you the means to build further self esteem....so give yourself the credit you deserve for achieving the smallest of things and try to avoid or limit those things that undermine you..
lonelydoc said:
That is completely false and we DO NOT allow gender stereotyping here. Don't do it again.
ardour
Well known loser
If you are male and want the esteem of others, you have to have a particular personality type - socially dominant, confident, extroverted (at all times.) Women can relax and be whoever they are personality wise- from assertive and aggressive to introverted- it's all generally well-received.
They get to express the full range of their humanity including sadness, insecurity etc. Men can 't because it's deemed unappealing/unattractive and they fear their partners might start to feel "trapped" or bored in the relationship.
They get to express the full range of their humanity including sadness, insecurity etc. Men can 't because it's deemed unappealing/unattractive and they fear their partners might start to feel "trapped" or bored in the relationship.
Are you kidding me, are we really starting with this whole crap again? No we're not so you can all knock it off. If there is ONE thing I have heard from women personally and outside of relationships is that men don't open up and share their feelings enough, and they WANT them to! I really don't want to see any more of this gender stereotypical garbage.
ABrokenMan
Well-known member
No one can give you self esteem.
As I've stated before, you can only grow self esteem by confidence, which itself stems from one's positive life experiences.
As I've stated before, you can only grow self esteem by confidence, which itself stems from one's positive life experiences.
I'd say the biggest step for me personally was finding the ability to laugh at my many, many mistakes. I found that it wasn't the larger tragedies that weighed down on me as much because you learn to carry them with you over time, they color your past and help you determine what you want for the future. No, what I found weighing down on me was the pile of little embarrassing or awkward moments that inevitably build up over time. It's easy to feel crappy about yourself when you've done as many stupid things as I'm sure we all have but learning to laugh some of them off can help shift you towards a more positive outlook in general.
Example! I'm a writer, I write stuff and that basically means it has become a cardinal sin to make a typo in any professional context. I'd say the most potent example of this was when I sent an e-mail in to a potential employer intended to really paint myself as the ideal employee, a guy who'd really up the standards around the office with my mastery of all things wordy. Typo'd within the first line of text! I feel obligated to make note of how nervous and desperate I felt while writing this to really drive home just how much of an ass I felt like once I noticed that what should have read: "Nice to meet you!" ended up "Nice to mee you!". I was young and this was the first time I put myself out there professionally. As you might guess, I didn't get a response back.
For me it has always been those types of little things, those little jabs to my confidence that began to drag my self-esteem down. It wasn't easy to laugh at myself at first but when I think about how many e-mail typos have happened since then (0! Hurrah!) it started to become clear that I wasn't a bad writer or an airhead, I was just human. We all have our little hiccups and our huge earthquakes throughout our lives but it comes down to something pretty simple. Which ones do you want to focus on handling, the hiccup or the earthquake? By shrugging off some of the smaller stuff we make more room for awesome things, we can look at our mistakes not as bad marks on our selves but as footprints in the sand, all leading up to our current selves. Some of those footprints may have come out weird, someone may mistake you for an alien or bigfoot occasionally but those don't have to drag you down. Smile, do something silly to remind yourself that you matter and have value no matter what's weighing down on you.
Whew, that ended up being a lot longer than I thought it would. Hope it helps...maybe generates a chuckle or two.
Example! I'm a writer, I write stuff and that basically means it has become a cardinal sin to make a typo in any professional context. I'd say the most potent example of this was when I sent an e-mail in to a potential employer intended to really paint myself as the ideal employee, a guy who'd really up the standards around the office with my mastery of all things wordy. Typo'd within the first line of text! I feel obligated to make note of how nervous and desperate I felt while writing this to really drive home just how much of an ass I felt like once I noticed that what should have read: "Nice to meet you!" ended up "Nice to mee you!". I was young and this was the first time I put myself out there professionally. As you might guess, I didn't get a response back.
For me it has always been those types of little things, those little jabs to my confidence that began to drag my self-esteem down. It wasn't easy to laugh at myself at first but when I think about how many e-mail typos have happened since then (0! Hurrah!) it started to become clear that I wasn't a bad writer or an airhead, I was just human. We all have our little hiccups and our huge earthquakes throughout our lives but it comes down to something pretty simple. Which ones do you want to focus on handling, the hiccup or the earthquake? By shrugging off some of the smaller stuff we make more room for awesome things, we can look at our mistakes not as bad marks on our selves but as footprints in the sand, all leading up to our current selves. Some of those footprints may have come out weird, someone may mistake you for an alien or bigfoot occasionally but those don't have to drag you down. Smile, do something silly to remind yourself that you matter and have value no matter what's weighing down on you.
Whew, that ended up being a lot longer than I thought it would. Hope it helps...maybe generates a chuckle or two.
stb
Well-known member
I think a lack of self esteem is a side effect and not a primary issue. I think if you are happy with who you are as a person and realize your true value, than a lack of self esteem can't exist. Try to find a way to feel productive in a possitive way. Find something that you enjoy and help introduce others to it. If you can't think of anything, try volunteering at a homeless shelter or pantry. People who work as volunteers tend to be very kind and easy to get along with.
Above all else, don't sit around your house feeling sorry for yourself. No one can or will do it for you, gotta throw yourself out there and get it.
Above all else, don't sit around your house feeling sorry for yourself. No one can or will do it for you, gotta throw yourself out there and get it.
ARE YOU GUY OR CHICK AND WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE IS CAUSE OF YOUR LACK THEREOF..... LOOKS ,SPEECH IMPEDIMENT, WEIGHT, INTELLIGENCE, R U UNCOORDINATED.....SPECIFY AS THEY ALL WOULD REQUIRE A DIFFERENT ANSWER.....MATE IM A 57YO MALE VIRGIN , NEVER KISSED A WOMAN WITH THE WORST LUCK YOUVE EVER HEARD..... MY SELF ESTEEM SHOULD BE ABSOLUTELY ZIP... YET THINGS ROLL OF ME CAUSE I SEE THROUGH THE VEIL......LOOSELY BE THE BEST AT SOMETHING...EXERCISE AND BUILD MUSCLE.....IT DOES HELP.... ICE SKATE IF YOUR YOUNG, AND JUST GO UP TO PEOPLE..... YOU CANT POSSIBLY BE AS UGLY AS ME.
http://www.esteemedself.com/
Take a look at this website, and consider doing the writing exercises.
http://www.esteemedself.com/exercises/
http://nathanielbranden.com/grow-exercises
Good luck. Have fun.
Take a look at this website, and consider doing the writing exercises.
http://www.esteemedself.com/exercises/
http://nathanielbranden.com/grow-exercises
Good luck. Have fun.
L
lonelyfairy
Guest
Self-esteem grows slowly from small steps out of your comfort zone. Also stop the negative thinking cycle, it's hard but you can learn it. I'm not saying that you need be such a happy chirp but negative thinking surely won't help you. You need to have some goals too and step by step try to achieve them and that usually means that you need to get out of your comfort zone. Don't compare yourself to other people, you are YOU and can't be anyone else. There's only one you in this world and no one can be like you. Do things which inspire you, make you feel AWESOME and keep doing it. Helping other people make you feel better about yourself too. You can do it! Best of luck.
Similar threads
