Weekends are quite painful

[Ovid]

Hey,

Just sitting here on a Sunday afternoon, thinking about how I can get out of this 'rut'. Most weekends consist of me sleeping, eating, watching a movie, or playing a game. I know the main reason I do this every weekend is lack of friends, but it's really starting to get to me. During the week is a little better, because I work, come home, eat, sleep, repeat.

I would really like to find new friends (just people to talk to / go out with), or maybe even a girlfriend, but certain factors are making me think that I can't. A run down of me would be:

Good:
- Graduated uni last year and have a good job
- I'm healthy

Bad:
- I still live at home (at 26 turning 27 in a month).
- I am car-less (crashed mine, so at the moment I take public transport to work).
- I'm shy and meeting people is hard.

My mum tells me that she likes me living at home, and that I shouldn't have to move out until I absolutely want to, but at the same time I feel like it would be impossible to make friends / or have a girlfriend while still living here without my independence. I feel like no-one would respect me.

I live extremely minimal at the moment, and I've been trying to save so that I can get a place of my own, and be more independent, but at the moment it's that "waiting" which is killing me. I tell myself that If I just stay in this lonely position for a year/two/three more, then I can have saved up enough to branch out on my own a little more securely.

I know that I *probably* could move out now, put things on finance, live wage-to-wage but making such a move really scares me. I do not have a rich family (my mum earns minimum wage and has suffered too much), my brother is mentally ill (doesn't work and probably never will, and has made life very hard), and I don't have anyone else. So I already know that if anything happened to my mother, I would probably let my brother have the house we live in (I mean, without it he would be on the street). So I have this feeling that if I don't succeed I have nothing to fall back on, so I don't want to risk going into debt.

It's just the prospect of "knowing" I will be lonely for at least the next few years which is making me feel quite depressed.

Does anyone relate to this at all? would be very nice to hear any advice.

 

[stella]

hi Ovid. I can relate to this oh so very much. In fact you might as well be describing my life, the only difference being is that i don't live at home. In fact i envy you that you seem to have a loving mother and family who don't want you to move out. i have no family to visit or to fall back on, i spend every Christmas on my own and my birthday. So in that respect you are very lucky.

you mentioned that you have a good job, have you made any friends in work that you could hang out with?

 

[Ovid]

Hi, thanks for the reply

Unfortunately all of my work mates are married with children etc, and I find it hard to relate to them on non-business terms. In fact I'm the only one there under 30.

I do have a caring mother, and I am very thankful for that, but she has really started to break down over the last few years, mainly due to my brother. I know that she cannot continue this way forever and will have to stop working soon. A government pension will be all she can hope for. I do want to be able to give her a better life *when* I make it somewhere.

Sorry to hear that your situation is like that . It must take so much strength to handle it... I know mine takes enough out of me. I wish you the very best Stella.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I'm living with my parents again..and I'm a bit older.

I got laid off from a very good paying construction job a couple of years ago and my long time gf
left me for fucken dead. Then someone else died which kind of truned everything unside down.
Plans...*sighs*...I had freaken plans..

I managed to get well enough to returned to my previouse job..I thought things was going
to look up...but hell no, i got laid off from that job too. I did managed to save up some money.
My plan was to save enough money for a reserve, enough for an automobile and enough to return
to college to further my educations...*sighs*

I felt good when I had work and i though i was making progress...I at least mamaged to save money.
However I purchased a truck...there gose my reserve. I would feel a little bit more at ease if i had
$5000 in my savings like I used to..incase anything happens.

At the moment I'm penny less....mmm I like to have a GF..but there's just so..so much i have to
work through aside from finacial issues in order from me to even consider a seriouse relationship again.

My goal is still to return to college.
I need to find work..when there's no work avaliable
There's a mental block of me making plans..
I think I'm making progress to even have written goals , a wish list or dreams at the moment.

I read and write alot. I try to stay positive and keep a good attitude as best I can.
I know I can't afford to sink into my depression no matter what happens.

Something else has to fucken break...I'm fucken broken already.

I manage to hang out with some friends last night at a coffee shop.
We were pretty much all broke...spent $2.00 between all of us ..lmao
Yes...please try to get out and miggle...as Stella suggested. It helps.
if you don't...that's okay too... The piont is to not freak out no matter what happens.

 

[Ovid]

Good to hear from you crow, you're posts always contain so much spirit. I do hope your situation improves very soon.

I too write small lists (sometimes for a day, sometimes for a week, month etc), that I try to guide myself on, but I never seem to tick off everything on them.

 

[packyourbags]

hey Ovid. i think you are wrong about one thing tho - people can indeed be really understanding, and i know quite a few people living at home. and don't forget - you are living at home bc you choose to be careful, not because you have no work/savings at all.
i think there is a lot to respect in that, not being overly careless with your money.

(hug)

so - best of luck, i hope you'll find people to talk to...

skia.

 

[Ovid]

Hi Packyourbags,

You're always very sincere in your replies so I truly hope you are right about some people being understanding. It's just a matter of finding / making friends with those types of people I guess.

It's nice to know I can talk to good people here at least.
Thanks.

 

[Twitchy]

Living at home isn't as bad as people once made it out to be. I stayed until I was 25 and only moved out because I felt like it was what I was supposed to do. In retrospect, I kind of wish I would have stayed another year and saved a bit more cash.

Try to vary your weekends up a bit by forcing yourself to go out somewhere occasionally. I know it can be hard, but even just going for a simple walk can often be enough to clear your head.

I don't know what your area is like, but here there will often be free live music being played by the river or somewhere else closeby. Sometimes I'll go there and hang back for awhile to see if it's any good. On occasion people will walk by and chat with me...sometimes not. Either way it gets me out of the house for a bit.

Don't know if any of that helped, but it was worth a shot.

 

[SilentThinker]

For me,it is like sleep,eat,play and school.

There were times that I was wishing for a phone call or a sms like saying,"Let go out and play/eat/talk."It is like trying to find a rabbit in the lion's den.

Plus,I am those kind of person who can go out to places and do not talk at all.Either I am too afraid that nobody listen or For me,I tried to find what my friends do and join their activites.It has been quite successful only the part of talking.

 

[Jack Kerouac]

My mum tells me that she likes me living at home, and that I shouldn't have to move out until I absolutely want to, but at the same time I feel like it would be impossible to make friends / or have a girlfriend while still living here without my independence. I feel like no-one would respect me.

I live extremely minimal at the moment, and I've been trying to save so that I can get a place of my own, and be more independent, but at the moment it's that "waiting" which is killing me. I tell myself that If I just stay in this lonely position for a year/two/three more, then I can have saved up enough to branch out on my own a little more securely.

That's a good story to tell people- "I only live at home because I'm saving up for a place of my own, and I can't wait to get out!"

Say that and people will be fine with it. I guarantee it. I know lots of people who lived or live at home in their mid to late 20s. Yeah, it's not a badge of coolness, but many people do not care whatsoever.

I've had tons of friends and gone out with girls while living at home. The only real setback it is for girls is you don't have a place to take them, and girls might be uncomfortable going to your parents house. But if you tell them you're saving up they're not going throw you away just for that.

I also think though that if your mom is telling you she likes you at home, she's an unhealthy influence on you and is probably babying you. It's ok that you live at home and good of her to let you, but if she's encouraging that kind of behavior, she's doing something wrong.

 

[Luke_S]

I also think though that if your mom is telling you she likes you at home, she's an unhealthy influence on you and is probably babying you. It's ok that you live at home and good of her to let you, but if she's encouraging that kind of behavior, she's doing something wrong.

I get that a lot from my dad, he raised both me and my brother by himself and is an amazing man, but there are times when he treats me and talks to me more like a child. I can't really have much of a conversation with him which requires a certain point of view or something to discuss since he noticably gets aggravated when I try to express my point of view, or correct him on anything.

Its like I'm still a child to him so therefore he talks down to me like one, and my opinions dont matter, its hard because I would like to have an interesting fun adult conversation with my father without being talked down to all the time.

But its not his fault, he only does it because I think he misses me and my brother when we were kids, because I see him less and less often now as I am growing up.