What are you feeling, hoping, thinking, or remembering right now?

[InSearchOfPeople]

I've been doing great for the last few weeks.

Met a few new interesting people, some of them just became another number on my Facebook friends list and with others I found a nice connection and communicate from time to time.

I went to LA, went out over there with my friends, met hot guys and was adored by many. I felt happy for a little while, I almost forgot what it feels like.

Came back home, had great heart to heart conversation with my boss. Feels like he is especially trying to take care of me.

I made some new more or less realistic goals for the very near future.
I am moving into a new apartment with my friend - roommate (yay! at least I will be forced to not be alone all the time anymore). And after all the obstacles it seems like I was finally able to organize my moving process.

But a few days ago everything went downhill..... I feel so freaking depressed and unhappy, that I want to cry, scream and jump out the window (too bad I live on the first floor). These are my last nights alone in my old apartment, but I am freaking out again in the panic attacks from fear of being alone at night. I was binging like crazy, I regained all the lost lbs and gained the new ones.
I had an accident with my ear, had to go to the ER. I am not sure my hearing is 100% recovered.
I just hate myself from not being more organized and procrastinating on many things. And when I think about everything I need to do, I feel like to break down in tears, because it is just too much....
My birthday is coming up and my plans won't happen and I don't have any new ones instead. If I spend another birthday working, I'll just look like a complete looser to everybody and will become an outsider again.

I understand most of it is from PMS. It is unbelievable how drinking coffee and alcohol can escalate the freaking symptoms of PMS by multiple times!
And now it seems like my period will start on Friday, which is one of the worst days for that.

I need a little bit of strength and patience to pass through the next month and a thought of it make me feel like wasting precious time. Why can't I just be happy and enjoy life?!?!...whichever one I have.

 

[murmi97]

My sister and mom are going to my hometown this weekend - It really hurts. I could go with, but that'd hurt more.

 

[Peaches]

Hoping to find a guy who doesn't mind becoming friends first and getting to know each other, but thinking that that is nearly impossible in this day and age.

 

[Cavey]

Hoping to find a guy who doesn't mind becoming friends first and getting to know each other, but thinking that that is nearly impossible in this day and age.

They still exist, Peaches, but they're probably harder to find because they're not desperately trying to woo you into bed.

 

[ABrokenMan]

The last time I remember feeling truly happy, without a care in the word...summer of 1976 :/

 

[Triple Bogey]

a year ago this day I was upset because of what a woman did to me.
It's isn't going to happen again.

 

[user 115627]

I should face the facts: I can't help anybody cause I can't even help myself. I can't talk to anyone cause I've got nothing to say. And nothing is going to change cause that's just who I am. You can't turn somebody's inherent personality inside-out. I'm not a nice person and I should be glad that less and less people are falling for my attempts to cover up my lack of sociability and empathy with politeness and eloquence.

Why am I even talking? Venting or trying to connect with people just feels like desperate attention whoring in my case. I know I'm not gonna make new friends anymore. If they don't get sick of me, I get sick of them sooner or later.

At this point a lobotomy is the only cure. But since that's out of question, I should just get back to binge-watching Twin Peaks or something...

 

[murmi97]

Feeling a bit down, and guilty, because I gave away the kitten. They were a nice enough couple - I guess it just felt a little rushed. And I was getting tired of taking care of her.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I'm tired.. and I have no desire whatsoever to try anymore.. there is no hope so I'm not hoping for anything.. I think that it's not like it really mattered or not anyway.. I remember the things people tell me and the actions that don't really follow.. I wish people could just be honest and upfront with me.. I'm so tired

 

[TheSkaFish]

I'm tired.. and I have no desire whatsoever to try anymore.. there is no hope so I'm not hoping for anything.. I think that it's not like it really mattered or not anyway.. I remember the things people tell me and the actions that don't really follow.. I wish people could just be honest and upfront with me.. I'm so tired

Me too I feel this way all the time now. I wish that I knew it was going to be better somehow and that all I had to do was wait.

I'm just saying I think I know how you feel.

(hugs)

 

[VeganAtheist]

I should face the facts: I can't help anybody cause I can't even help myself. I can't talk to anyone cause I've got nothing to say. And nothing is going to change cause that's just who I am. You can't turn somebody's inherent personality inside-out. I'm not a nice person and I should be glad that less and less people are falling for my attempts to cover up my lack of sociability and empathy with politeness and eloquence.

Why am I even talking? Venting or trying to connect with people just feels like desperate attention whoring in my case. I know I'm not gonna make new friends anymore. If they don't get sick of me, I get sick of them sooner or later.

At this point a lobotomy is the only cure. But since that's out of question, I should just get back to binge-watching Twin Peaks or something...

I don't think you are beyond hope. I think like most people in similar situations, you just need the right tools so that you can improve whatever faults you have - real or perceived.

I am naturally a quiet guy. To the point where I always get the "why are you do shy?" Question. Makes dating difficult and awkward as well as makes friendships hard to sustain.

It's not attention whoring to want people to pay attention to you. It's human. We all do it one way or another. Don't beat yourself up about it.

If you ever want to chat, message me. We have some similarities and may be able to help each other. *shrug*

Oh but Twin Peaks is a good solution too!

I'm tired.. and I have no desire whatsoever to try anymore.. there is no hope so I'm not hoping for anything.. I think that it's not like it really mattered or not anyway.. I remember the things people tell me and the actions that don't really follow.. I wish people could just be honest and upfront with me.. I'm so tired

Me too I feel this way all the time now. I wish that I knew it was going to be better somehow and that all I had to do was wait.

I'm just saying I think I know how you feel.

(hugs)

The cool/cruel thing about life is that you never know what will happen. Maybe waiting is the best idea. Maybe doing something is. Who knows.

I have some other thoughts but they are kind of muddled lol

 

[user 115627]

I don't think you are beyond hope. I think like most people in similar situations, you just need the right tools so that you can improve whatever faults you have - real or perceived.

I am naturally a quiet guy. To the point where I always get the "why are you do shy?" Question. Makes dating difficult and awkward as well as makes friendships hard to sustain.

It's not attention whoring to want people to pay attention to you. It's human. We all do it one way or another. Don't beat yourself up about it.

If you ever want to chat, message me. We have some similarities and may be able to help each other. *shrug*

Oh but Twin Peaks is a good solution too!

When I read the right tools I couldn't help to think of the protagonist in the movie Pi who drilled himself in the head with a power drill cause he couldn't endure his headaches anymore...phew, there's the cynic again.

Seriously though, there are times when I don't know which mindset is better: Telling myself that there is hope for my social inabilities OR that everything is good the way it is cause my disconnection from society keeps me focussed and rational. I don't even worry about dating at this point...

It's hard not to beat myself up about the whoring when I try to keep telling myself that I don't need the attention anyway since it hasn't been doing me any good in the long run yet.

But I appreciate the chat offer. I'll take you up on that once I figure out what the hell I want to say...

 

[VeganAtheist]

When I read the right tools I couldn't help to think of the protagonist in the movie Pi who drilled himself in the head with a power drill cause he couldn't endure his headaches anymore...phew, there's the cynic again.

Seriously though, there are times when I don't know which mindset is better: Telling myself that there is hope for my social inabilities OR that everything is good the way it is cause my disconnection from society keeps me focussed and rational. I don't even worry about dating at this point...

It's hard not to beat myself up about the whoring when I try to keep telling myself that I don't need the attention anyway since it hasn't been doing me any good in the long run yet.

But I appreciate the chat offer. I'll take you up on that once I figure out what the hell I want to say...

Hahaha well, that is one tool you could use. I keep meaning to watch Pi but never get around it. Hmmmm.

Which mindset makes you happier? Which mindset gets you closer to your goal? Why not a combination? Why not a whole new mindset completely?
Dating is a whole different ball of confusion and emotions. It is cuffing season, though... Get in while you can! (Urban dictionary for "cuffing season").

You shouldn't best yourself up about anything really. Have some compassion for yourself! We all have our flaws and needs - we shouldn't be harsh on ourselves for not being perfect, whatever that means. You especially shouldn't punish yourself for something that is natural to nearly all humans and most other animals. Compassion, bro. Self compassion. Practice it!

I am not on the forums often anymore as I have improved my social situation but definitely message me if/when you want. I am always down to share as well as learn.

 

[PurpleMist]

Remembering my great childhood,
Happy that I can finally see my daughter calm and happy,
Giving her much of the same I had then

 

[Cavey]

I'm going to fight. I'm not giving up this time. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to do this or what mental state I'm going to end up in, but this is the way it has to be.

 

[Lilith]

I'm sensitive to what I eat. My diet affects my mood; bad food makes me feel bad and good food makes me feel good. When I eat badly, I get hysterical on this person. Therefore, I am supposed to eat badly merely one day a week. When I broke this rule tonight, this person became disappointed in me, and this disappointment affected me so much that my nerves became numb that I couldn't even hold a grip.

No more breaking this rule. This person is wonderful to me; I must respect him.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I'm going to fight. I'm not giving up this time. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to do this or what mental state I'm going to end up in, but this is the way it has to be.

I wish I can think like this.

I'm sensitive to what I eat. My diet affects my mood; bad food makes me feel bad and good food makes me feel good. When I eat badly, I get hysterical on this person. Therefore, I am supposed to eat badly merely one day a week. When I broke this rule tonight, this person became disappointed in me, and this disappointment affected me so much that my nerves became numb that I couldn't even hold a grip.

No more breaking this rule. This person is wonderful to me; I must respect him.

You will do it just fine. I believe in you.

 

[Triple Bogey]

"I really love telling you about my dream, (I like teasing you, sorry it is my devilish side ) I think it has helped us be able to talk about making love and brought us closer together . I really do look forward to the day when it feels right and we make love for the first time, I know it will be a very beautiful and loving experience, something very special.

Sometimes when I can't sleep at night I like to nip on facebook, and lately leave you messages in the middle of the night! I mostly like to think of you, that usually ends in me longing for you to be here


I agree about our first time (and many times after , will be a lovely experience, and I too think will cement our relationship. I know this my sound weird, but I have always been nervous before that, or just thinking of it happening. But with you I don't feel like that, it is so hard to explain, it is like I know that it will be something incredible

I think our first time will be wonderful. I was thinking last night in bed, and I don't believe I have ever really made love before."

A week later she was with someone else !

 

[TheRealCallie]

Is that someone's message from Facebook? I wouldn't appreciate it if someone did that with something I wrote.

 

[Volmornu]

I keep hoping that someone just like me - lonely, abnormal and enlightened - comes along and just decides that I'm the one to spill their soul to. And as I listen to them, I learn that they share the same opinions, needs, desires and values as me. Same fears. Same... everything. And I tell them everything, too. And we realize that we just found our home: each other.