What can I do to find someone?

[jwags818]

I am 57 years old. Male. I was married for 27 years to a sociopath up until about 5 years ago. Since the start of covid I have been working from home. I have one friend that is homeless so I often wonder if he wasn't if he would even come around at all. My daughter pops in once in awhile but I hardly ever see her. Not going into work somewhere has really compounded my situation. And I can't just find another job. There isn't any near where I live and I have an older dog that has never stayed home by herself and I am not going to start doing it now that she is 12 years old. I am an engineer. I like my job. I am not one of the pretty people and have never had an easy time meeting people. I want a girlfriend so bad I can't stand it. One would think there has to be someone out there that would like a kind, intelligent and attentive guy. One that doesn't lie, always comes home at night. Treats you well. Buys you flowers just because. Goes out of his way to make you feel special. I spent over 30 years with someone that lied to me and cheated on me despite my treating her very well. All her friends told me how lucky she was to have me all the time. They are all married of course. I have gained weight since covid started and being home all day doesn't help.
I don't even know where to go to try and meet someone. I tried volunteering at a few places. The local Theater ( drama with real actors type theater) and a few other places but there wasn't many people there so it didn't really expose me to any opportunities. I am so afraid I am going to die without ever having a positive relationship. I wasted the best years of my life with someone that didn't appreciate me at all and everyday that passes is one closer to the end. My dog is really the only thing keeping me here. Once she is gone I am genuinely afraid of what will happen to me. I live in Corvallis Oregon. And would welcome any ladies that want to talk. Not interested in any hookups. I want a partner. But will settle for just some good friends right now. I am so very lonely.
I am interested in lots of fun things. Like to travel and make enough money to do some of it. No one will try harder to make you happy. Drop me a line. Or if anyone has any ideas where to meet people lay it on me.
I am sincere and have a lot to offer.

Jeff

 

[TropicalStarfish]

I wish I knew. All I know is one isn't likely to find some one being in their house; and the internet isn't what it used to be. People form their cliques, and stick with facebook messaging, or other software that caters to social exclusivity.

At least you have some money to work with.

Perhaps approach it like an engineering problem, and break it down. List out all available considerations, break those down into actionable steps...

For religion: one can join a church, a bhuddist temple, mosque, humanist center, etc..
The local libraries often have events, and at the worst are filled with good books (always a decent companion in hard times).
For politics: there is activism to get involved with, probably groups, etc..
For companionship: usually you can pay some one to be a life coach, counsoulur, or friend, etc..; in the interim...
School: one is never too old to go back to school, and fortunately night school there is often a variety of different ages, though, the pickings can be slim depending on population density...
Internet: there are forums like this (this forum is rather old and desperate however), there are discord channel, slack channels; but like I said, the internet isn't really what it used to be, and people are more exclusive these days... There's also a variety of different types of dating sites, to choose from..
Physical fitness: there are usually hiking groups on meetup.com, there's the gym, if your into that, camping, outdoorsie stuff, etc.. Survival training and prepper type stuff is more popular: decent skills to acquire and social acquiantences to make
Social: there are bars, from lowscale to upscale, and if you strike out there at least u can enjoy a drink or two...

Acute pain, and loneliness are difficult, however. I don't think there is any quick fix to that; except, perhaps, to endure it, embrace it to what extent one can, and perhaps, see it for what it is... And, I think part of that is acceptance, balancing reality against ultimate dreamly desire, controlling what you can, and accepting what is beyond control..

I'm not a woman, but, it sounds like, you've got a fair bit to offer, a fair bit to deal with, and a workable amount of time to work on various aspects of the dilemma.

It sounds like you also have time to meditate on why you ended up with some one who treated you unfairly; so that you may avoid a similar situation going forward. In my observations, it's not usually till later on, that we realize things aren't as they seemed in the beginning.

Take care, and good luck to you. May wild, tender, compassionate, and unanticipated fortune find you, when you least expect it.

I know I'd like that... Not too wild though... heh.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

My suggestion is try a love focused dating site.

My mum is in a similar situation in her life, married to an actual decent man for a long time who unfortunately passed. She is almost forbidden to move on by my brother (that's a whole different story) but I think it's best as being lonely is an awful thing.

We are going to try the “mature” dating sites and I think that results on there are very very different.

Good luck on your search

 

[Norfolk_gal]

I am 57 years old. Male. I was married for 27 years to a sociopath up until about 5 years ago. Since the start of covid I have been working from home. I have one friend that is homeless so I often wonder if he wasn't if he would even come around at all. My daughter pops in once in awhile but I hardly ever see her. Not going into work somewhere has really compounded my situation. And I can't just find another job. There isn't any near where I live and I have an older dog that has never stayed home by herself and I am not going to start doing it now that she is 12 years old. I am an engineer. I like my job. I am not one of the pretty people and have never had an easy time meeting people. I want a girlfriend so bad I can't stand it. One would think there has to be someone out there that would like a kind, intelligent and attentive guy. One that doesn't lie, always comes home at night. Treats you well. Buys you flowers just because. Goes out of his way to make you feel special. I spent over 30 years with someone that lied to me and cheated on me despite my treating her very well. All her friends told me how lucky she was to have me all the time. They are all married of course. I have gained weight since covid started and being home all day doesn't help.
I don't even know where to go to try and meet someone. I tried volunteering at a few places. The local Theater ( drama with real actors type theater) and a few other places but there wasn't many people there so it didn't really expose me to any opportunities. I am so afraid I am going to die without ever having a positive relationship. I wasted the best years of my life with someone that didn't appreciate me at all and everyday that passes is one closer to the end. My dog is really the only thing keeping me here. Once she is gone I am genuinely afraid of what will happen to me. I live in Corvallis Oregon. And would welcome any ladies that want to talk. Not interested in any hookups. I want a partner. But will settle for just some good friends right now. I am so very lonely.
I am interested in lots of fun things. Like to travel and make enough money to do some of it. No one will try harder to make you happy. Drop me a line. Or if anyone has any ideas where to meet people lay it on me.
I am sincere and have a lot to offer.

Jeff

I'd be interested in chatting with you Jeff, drop me a message

 

[insecure]

My suggestion is try a love focused dating site.

My mum is in a similar situation in her life, married to an actual decent man for a long time who unfortunately passed. She is almost forbidden to move on by my brother (that's a whole different story) but I think it's best as being lonely is an awful thing.

We are going to try the “mature” dating sites and I think that results on there are very very different.

Good luck on your search

My experience with dating apps is quite negative for the moment.
Many fraudulent profiles, also people who "match" with you but don't answer to any messages, yet they don't unmatch you either, some openly saying in their profile they are prostitutes.
Not easy to have a real meeting with a woman.
Facebook dating is free, so you might try that one without a cost.
The women that reacted over there I found to be unattractive, but maybe I'm just too picky.
Anyway if it's free you can't lose money on it.

I think the experience for women is different, because the ratio is like 80% men 20% women on a dating site/app.

 

[4No1]

I think the experience for women is different, because the ratio is like 80% men 20% women on a dating site/app.

I tried once a few years ago. And my is exeprience is also negative.

I got plenty of messages with sex-suggestions. A few even before I posted a picture.
And when I answered "I'm not interested", I got some offensive answers . I had to be very grateful to that guys for their suggestion, as they were almost rescuing me of dying of lack of sex
Other sort of messages were just "hi" and when I answered smth, I got no answer. Maybe there were just some bots. I met only one guy there who was able to write the sentences with more than 3 words.
Maybe attractive women get more meaningful messages, idk.

 

[insecure]

I tried once a few years ago. And my is exeprience is also negative.

I got plenty of messages with sex-suggestions. A few even before I posted a picture.
And when I answered "I'm not interested", I got some offensive answers . I had to be very grateful to that guys for their suggestion, as they were almost rescuing me of dying of lack of sex
Other sort of messages were just "hi" and when I answered smth, I got no answer. Maybe there were just some bots. I met only one guy there who was able to write the sentences with more than 3 words.
Maybe attractive women get more meaningful messages, idk.

Guess I'm just too shy to perform that kind of approach, maybe I should just go for a sex date, though I guess that is not so easy for me.
I am surprised that they also use bots for women, one would think that with the huge number of testosterone on those apps/sites available, there would be no lack of interesting males.
Let's say that a horny woman will find it super easy to find a man willing to pleasure her on such an app/site, and a man will not find it that easy.
For a serious relationship it might be difficult for both sexes.

 

[StarDust]

Hi.... I have no experience in dating apps, and only know from what stories people tell me. I grew up and had relationships before internet. On that thought.... one would have social interaction with another prior to official dating. Thus... considering all negative reviews of dating apps, try get to know people socially first. I found this online site that is genuine and filled with real people....
https://www.stitch.net/was a member for awhile, but just did not have adequate time to really engage in the site and the people.

NOTE: to become a member, there is an authentication process... if you like faking a profile, then "Stitch" is not for you.

 

[Unsigned]

If you are OK with women in your own age range and not too picky regarding looks then match.com would probably be a good bet for you.

I'm the same age as you...but I'm a very picky ******* for both age (much younger) & looks...I wish I wasn't but it is what it is.

Good luck.

 

[Lonely girl 28]

I am 57 years old. Male. I was married for 27 years to a sociopath up until about 5 years ago. Since the start of covid I have been working from home. I have one friend that is homeless so I often wonder if he wasn't if he would even come around at all. My daughter pops in once in awhile but I hardly ever see her. Not going into work somewhere has really compounded my situation. And I can't just find another job. There isn't any near where I live and I have an older dog that has never stayed home by herself and I am not going to start doing it now that she is 12 years old. I am an engineer. I like my job. I am not one of the pretty people and have never had an easy time meeting people. I want a girlfriend so bad I can't stand it. One would think there has to be someone out there that would like a kind, intelligent and attentive guy. One that doesn't lie, always comes home at night. Treats you well. Buys you flowers just because. Goes out of his way to make you feel special. I spent over 30 years with someone that lied to me and cheated on me despite my treating her very well. All her friends told me how lucky she was to have me all the time. They are all married of course. I have gained weight since covid started and being home all day doesn't help.
I don't even know where to go to try and meet someone. I tried volunteering at a few places. The local Theater ( drama with real actors type theater) and a few other places but there wasn't many people there so it didn't really expose me to any opportunities. I am so afraid I am going to die without ever having a positive relationship. I wasted the best years of my life with someone that didn't appreciate me at all and everyday that passes is one closer to the end. My dog is really the only thing keeping me here. Once she is gone I am genuinely afraid of what will happen to me. I live in Corvallis Oregon. And would welcome any ladies that want to talk. Not interested in any hookups. I want a partner. But will settle for just some good friends right now. I am so very lonely.
I am interested in lots of fun things. Like to travel and make enough money to do some of it. No one will try harder to make you happy. Drop me a line. Or if anyone has any ideas where to meet people lay it on me.
I am sincere and have a lot to offer.

Jeff

Unfortunately I'm not in your area but I'd love to talk to you. I have 3 dogs and 2 cats. I like dinner theatre. I like travelling; often I go by car, bus, or train.

I'm sorry youve been cheated on; that must be tough to deal with.

 

[BeyondShy]

I came in here hopefully looking for some advice that I can take away and use.

 

[Prodigy]

No idea how to find people either. I think I've given up trying to meet people, given that friends/lovers are even harder to find than diamonds. I realised that although it's nice to have friends/lovers, but they aren't a necessity in life, as compared to food/water/shelter anyway. If I can find friends/lovers in my life, that's great! But if I can't find them in my life, I can go solo and live without them too. I've learnt that if you have difficulty changing your circumstances in life, then the only thing you can do is to change your mindset, if you want to be happy in life.

 

[Butterfly 2]

Never tried a dating site, but they can work. My experience is before the internet, just like stardust said.

But I have a relative who tried Our Time and at first she hated it. She and her first match went on a dinner date and they left before the food arrived. He said she was too wild for him. Not sure what he was expecting, but she's far from wild. She was 70 at the time and had probably just come from either Church or volunteering somewhere.

Flash Forward and she bumped into an old love on there and they rekindled their relationship and are getting married in a few days. They are both 72. Both lost their respective spouses years ago.