Whats your life about

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Basically go to work everyday, then get home to be with the dog, take her out for walks (which is about the only thing I enjoy doing), and then sit around the apartment doing nothing but watching movies and such. Just my dog and me, thank god I have her.
 
My life has been a journey, discoveries, challenges, learning and growth.
I try to take the bad with the goods as best I can.

Everything that I thought I figured out, I had to relearn again.
It's been a combinations of achiving goals of things that's within my control
and life on life's terms of things that's not in my control.
Sometimes I get confussed, other times I'm very clear.

The past 2 years where difficults with a lot of changes.
My recovery got put through the acid test.
It might not be a big deal for anyone else, but it is for a recoverying alcoholic/addict.
The past 7 years combined had been a living hell.
Inspite of it all..I didn't drinking or used over it.
No one..No one can ever take this away from me. It's been done..I did it.
I got clean and sober for me. I'm in control of this.
Inspite of everything I never gave up on myself or I ever gave up on love.
For this...I know I can live with myself and hold my head up high.
There is purpose and directions in my life. I'm a winner. I've won.
I win every morning I get up sober. I win everynight I go to sleep sober.

Yet losing Jenni was one of the biggest lost I've ever felt.
I had no control over her death but I do have control over whether I'm going to get drunk over it or not.
Everyday I chose not to get drunk or high nor run away from any of my pains or sorrows (challenges).
If I can stay clean and sober inspite of Jenni's death...I can do whatever I set my mind up to do or
chose to.

It's been a struggle of wanting to live and go on with my life without her.
A purpose to go on living without her.

something strange and funni happened tonight.
We almost got into a head on collusion...
What came out of my mouth at such moments is the turth of how I really am....
because I didn't have anytime to think about it nor rationalized it.

" fresia...I love Jenni and all..but I don't want to die yet...Jenni can wait until I see her in heaven
I still want to live...There's people to meet and places to go still "

I'm learning to live for me. To allow myself to be happy for me without all the guilt and shame.
I'm learning how to let go.
I'm learning how not to be a victim.
I'm learning how to follow my dreams and allowing myself to follow my hopes and dreams.
I'm learning to beliving in myself again.
 
Cooking. Cleaning. Singing. Gaming. Whatever else that ends in -ing that might occupy a day.








>_>
 
Lonesome Crow said:
I'm learning to live for me. To allow myself to be happy for me without all the guilt and shame.
I'm learning how to let go.
I'm learning how not to be a victim.
I'm learning how to follow my dreams and allowing myself to follow my hopes and dreams.
I'm learning to beliving in myself again.

how powerful! couldnt have put it better.
thats my story too! learn to be happy with yourself! i think im alright i just have a problem being without love as i was in love for almost a decade.
and i think you said its been awhile crow but im sorry for your loss. chin up, youl be fine...
 
My life is about surviving, and not completely losing my mind! It usually involves alot of escapism - be it music, games, movies or books, while trying to figure out a more constructive way to deal with my problems. Sometimes it feels hopeless, but I'm not dead yet, surely that has to mean something. :)
 
^same here
The problems might be different, but that's it for me in a nutshell.
 
I'm pretty much always online.. chatting, ALL, youtube, sometimes I watch tv, go out randomly but its the same ole stuff.. boring..
 
-getting really drunk
-working a lot
-my friends
and there's probably a lot more
but i just can't think of any right now.
 
I'll admit it, a lot of my free time is spent in some form of escapism or another, reading, glutting myself with movies, or (my personal favorite) daydreaming about the life I wish I were actually living.

I know damned-well that I need to stop the passivity, stop letting the real life opportunities pass me by, but it is so hard to break out of a well-established routine.

When I do spend time doing creative things like writing and painting, I feel hundreds of times better because I am really doing something - committing an act of creativity.
 
Van Hooligan X said:
Punisher said:
donvito said:
what you do during the week and weekends ...i do nothing im boring as hell

Are you... ME!? :O

no he is clearly me (h)

haha that is a funny picture. Ironic.

I just wanted to say in general, that making small talk is annoying BECAUSE people act extremely vain in my opinion. They act like they are the best thing going. Maybe a defense mechanism or something, but its quite annoying when you have to talk about them and how amazing they are.
 

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