When buying entertainment / gifts for myself .....I shut down

[The_long_journey]

Whenever I buy video games for example : sims or animal crossing .....like for 360 or for nintendo 3ds....


I never fully finish a game. Like when I'm near the middle or end ...I stop and shut down. Even though I really want to finish. I shut down because Its hard for me to be happy because I think . I have a learning disability with past jobs that wasn't great, I am nothing and I dont deserve to be happy because of my Learning Disability. I act like any person and people arent even aware that I even have a disability. But I feel like I dont deserve to be happy. I put more effort into other peoples happiness instead of my own. It's hard to get out the words in my head that my parents put in " I never deserve to be happy, I should have been placed in adoption ." And my step dad who I had a poor relationship with describe my death and how I'm better off beaten, stabbed driven over by a car and since I have no friends I would be buried in a pit and no one would cry for me and I 'm alone basically anyway because I have no friends and no one likes anime, japanese music and I'm basically a loner for the rest of my life.





Ever since I was abused growing up I ....have a hard time thinking I deserve to be happy but when I try to be happy something always brings it down either my boyfriends family or mine.






Dont worry I have no relationship with my step dad .... I told my family about what he said he regrets it by saying I never said that and my mom backed him up and he spit in my face weeks befor I kicked out because....I
never made enough money and all my money went to my mom and the household.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I hope you realize that none of those thoughts are because you aren't good enough, because you ARE good enough. You DO deserve to be happy. Your stepfather was abusive, plain and simple. Maybe not physically, but definitely emotionally, which, IMO is worse because it's harder to let go of.
What he said to you became ingrained in your head until you started believing it to be true. It's not, please try to not focus on those thoughts and focus on good things. Doesn't matter how small the good things are, just grab one and hold onto it. Then grab another one tomorrow. Keep going like that until you have good things to hold onto.

As for your learning disability, it doesn't define you and it doesn't have to stop you unless you let it. Push past it and find a different way if you struggle and can't get through it. Anything is possible, don't use your shortcomings as a crutch. It will only drag you further down.

 

[blazemaster26]

I'm worse in my buying habits. I buy games for full price and it takes months if not years to complete even.
I bought Ac4 back in the day full price and still haven't finished it, and lot's of many other games on that list.
It's hard to keep up with finishing games so I guess that's not really something to do with your learning disability.

Try to focus on good thoughts, it's hard but it's better than being sad.