When I die, I want to go out with a bang.

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Luna

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I am not suicidal nor am I sad as I write this.

I have many thoughts.
I have this longing to be able to express and share my thoughts with another human without having them draw back in fear, or for judgmental, yet pitiful eyes to look back into mine.

But people fear such thoughts, and I do too sometimes.

If there is one thing that I do think about and am certain of...it is death.

Maybe it will be tomorrow, in another 5 years, or maybe another 40 years.
It doesn't matter where or when, but how.

It may seem like a childish wish, but I want to die a hero's death.
I do not want to leave the earth as a coward, or in pain.

I have a fear that in another 40 years, I will be wilting away in a cheap, dimly-lit, bare apartment with only the television as company.
Sitting in a rocking chair, wondering where my life went.
Agonizing that I had spent so much time and accomplished so little.
Oh how fast time flies by.
Why didn't I enjoy every minute?
If there is one thing in life that cannot be bought, it is time.

I am scared of pain, and I cannot imagine...what it is like to be nearing the end of your life only to feel that...it's finally over.
What I have right now going for me, is my youth.
That feeling that "You still have a long way to go."
But I know of course, that I could go any time.

==================================================================================================================

My grandma lives next to a beautiful British couple, and the wife was sent to a nursing home 3 weeks ago at the doctor's request.
When I went to visit her, there was something different.

She has short light brown hair, and the biggest bluest eyes that you will ever see.
Even the thick glasses that she wears is not enough to hide the vividness of her eyes.
When I think of her, I think of such a polite and happy person.

But this Saturday, she was distant...her big blue eyes...so sad.
I tried my best to make her smile, but couldn't.
I just wanted to reach out to her and tell her that everything will be okay.
But I know it wouldn't have helped.
Okay for what?
She and I...and everyone else know...that...

If there is anything that I am happy for, it is that she has a loving husband and wonderful sons to look over her.
She is loved by her grandchildren and her daughter-in-laws.
I hope that she is loved, anyway, because she deserves every bit of love she gets.
I feel sad for her.
Such a beautiful person.
Another visitor came over to tell that she had cried just this morning.
He also came...just to have someone to talk to...his mother is dying and will die within the next 12 hours.
In a way, he was happy for her to finally be at peace soon, as she suffered so much and there wasn't a moment where she was without pain.
 
I would also like to go out with a bang. Call me crazy, but I'd rather die being hit by a truck than die in my sleep.

I mean, what kind of person wants to go to sleep, thinking they might wake up the next day, and then NOT wake up?

*shrug* Just not my thing.

I want to be conscious and aware of my death as I'm dying.
 
lmao...Luna

You're on the right track. Whatever floats your boat.
I used to have the same mentallity and in a way I still do.
I lived a very not so comformed life style and it wasn't in alignment of some poeple's morals or values.
Never the less I had a lot of fun and good memories and I paid the price.
It wasn't all good and it wasn't all bad.

I got clean and sober becuase I like it a lot of banging :p
However getting clean and sober wasn't all it was cracked up to be.
It was a different path I decided to make in my persuit of happiness.
It wasn't all good and it wasn't all bad.

What I'm saying is...intuitively I already knew and in so many ways I'm still that same person
with that sametype of personality and desire...wheather I'm clean and sober or not.
I already had the answers within me. I didn't need to work the 12 steps to graps it.
Though working the steps helped me in someways...it also messed me up in other ways.

Ultimately the message is still the same to me.
Live as if I'm dying, being in the moment, suit up & show up or live life with a bang or two.
Life is ment to be lived. Live, love,do whatever makes you happy or turns you on.
I'm a head banger to begin with anywho...banging run in my vains :p
Self acceptence, loving myself through all of it.(the goods and bads)...It's all good.

Though Jennie's death ripped me to pieces and cuased pains. It also brought with it a lot of cold hard truth.
She was young and beautiful with so much going for her and she wanted to share her love and with me.
LIVE NOW, ENJOY LIFE NOW, BE HAPPY NOW....We're not going to be here forever and be able to enjoy
what this life has to offer us forever. I'm grateful I had the opportunity to share a part of my life with her while she was here.

I'm also grateful for the love I have in my life now.
As a awaken everyday...there's 2 choices that confront everyday.
Am I going to be sad today or am I going to be happy today? It's about as simple as this.
I'm not the smartest guy on this planet but it dosnt take a rocket scientist to figure this out.
There's positive thinking and negative thinking....then there's correct thinking.
The correct chioce for me is....I choose to be happy today. it's my chioce and I'm free to do so.
 
I said the exact same thing years ago! "I wanna go out with a bang!"

I wanna look back on my death from limbo and say "****, what a way to go, and ppl are gonna remember this :D"
 
I agree with the sentiments of others.

I don't want a sad or painful death nor do I want to die in a unexpected way - such as dieing in my sleep. I don't want to live to such a ridiculous old age knowing that today could be my very last day of my life.

I don't want bring suicide into this, but I've often thought about suicide and the only way I would ever want to die is by shooting myself because it's quick and painless and you're dead instantly.
 
Badjedidude said:
.... Call me crazy, but I'd rather die being hit by a truck than die in my sleep.

Okay crazy :)
I think a few hundred pounds of explosives would be a nice way to go. Enough to totally vaporize a person. Don't even need a squeegee.
 
No idea what kind of person I am, but I'd rather die in my sleep instead of getting crush by some ********* on a truck because he doesn't know how to drive.
 
Totally want to get hit by a truck instead of dying in my sleep. Strangers always seem to show sympathy for people that die and make the news. I want people to shake their heads and possibly ruin the life of the truck driver.
 
Minus said:
Don't even need a squeegee.

LOL I guess I always imagined that if I ended up smeared on the highway, they'd just hose me off or something... not collect what they could. XD :p haha

Oh, and explosives! :D Yesssss. lol
 
Okay lolz this thread is just morbid :p but I must agree nonetheless. Better to die in an accident than wither away in bed of disease and/or old age. Yikes! Just thinking of it makes me cringe. I guess we watch too many movies. FTW the idea of a plane crash is quite good. How about disappearing to parts unknown like in the Bermuda triangle? That would certainly make the news LOL. Though that may not be actual death, who knows.
 
I wanted it to be like Donny Darko's. Pretty interesting, noone gets hurt except me and in such interesting way. Dying as the main heroine of "Dead like me" is interesing too, or like one scientist from the movie "Dead like me". Dying by old age is not that interesting but if that means realy dying, no letergism, i am good with it.
 
this thread kicks ass.

Id like to go out spitting, cursing and fighting.

Like insane zombie aliens swarming all around me as i stand defiant with a military grade shotgun, a case of grenades, and a freaking war hammer in hand, while a bus full of women and children and... puppies... yeah women children and puppies, drove off to safety.
Id kill like a million of them zombie aliens, but for every one i killed, there was 2 more. But as I stood fighting the last desperate war of my life, thered be a crapload of people watching from bus windows, tearing up as they saw me overwhelmed, knowing that underneath that swarm of monsters, was a big, big man; a man who's legend would become larger than life.

but thats probably not going to happen.... soooo, id settle for going out saving someone's life. Preferably someone who deserves it.
It'd be awesome if i saved some kids life, and he turned out to be the future doctor who finds a cure for cancer or something.


As for getting hit by a truck..... id rather get hit by a very very expensive car. Id leave a dent worth at least 100,000 in a lambergini diablo hahahaha
 

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