Why are Women afraid to touch me?

[TheSkaFish]

I think it's a familiarity thing. You have to feel a sense of familiarity with someone, to want to be physically, mentally, emotionally close to someone. Otherwise, there's no real context for closeness. It doesn't make sense to just hug someone you don't really know. There's no compelling reason to do it. You have to know someone a little, before you can be comfortable hugging them - you have to have a sense of ease around the person.

Maybe these girls you see are hugging guys they know, or have talked with for a while, or laughed with and joked around with for a while. All these things create a sense of familiarity, knowing the person, and a sense of being put at ease. Do you laugh and joke around with these women, or have longer, back-and-forth conversations where you open up a little, share something real about yourselves?

It sounds to me like these women you're talking about, just don't know you well enough yet.

 

[randomguy]

The consensus seems to be that you're a fat creep who wants to touch women's breasts.

 

[BeyondShy]

Yikes… idk… hopefully its because you are fat or something you can change. I dont hug large people personally, so that could be it?

I got back here on Saturday and before I did anything I wrote some PM’s and then tried to catch up on topics around the forum. I skimmed over plenty of them but when I saw this one I said to myself I had to read it because this particular problem is not one I have seen a lot in here.

Then I got to your response.

What in the hell?

Why are you afraid to hug “large people?” Are you afraid if you hug them you might put on five pounds? What makes you so much better than anyone else? Maybe those “large people” out there don’t want to hug you because they think they may catch something.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I got back here on Saturday and before I did anything I wrote some PM’s and then tried to catch up on topics around the forum. I skimmed over plenty of them but when I saw this one I said to myself I had to read it because this particular problem is not one I have seen a lot in here.

Then I got to your response.

What in the hell?

Why are you afraid to hug “large people?” Are you afraid if you hug them you might put on five pounds? What makes you so much better than anyone else? Maybe those “large people” out there don’t want to hug you because they think they may catch something.

I dont hug large people, many large people account for the discrimination they face in this way… so it’s rather common. If someone wouldnt want to hug me then thats a win win… no? Why the fake outrage? I said nothing wrong… if someone was afraid they’d catch something by hugging me… sounds rather childish, some people wont hug me for fear I might get make up on them. Thats happened…I didnt cry about it, physical touch should never be demanded.

 

[BeyondShy]

I dont hug large people, many large people account for the discrimination they face in this way… so it’s rather common. If someone wouldnt want to hug me then thats a win win… no? Why the fake outrage? I said nothing wrong… if someone was afraid they’d catch something by hugging me… sounds rather childish, some people wont hug me for fear I might get make up on them. Thats happened…I didnt cry about it, physical touch should never be demanded.

Spin it any way you want. I did not come back here to argue with you.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Spin it any way you want. I did not come back here to argue with you.

You did… simply cant get enough of me … I didnt spin anything I dont hug large people… so sue me? I also dont sleep with them… in case you was curious…

 

[TheRealCallie]

Ceno's going to be her usual self and Kee is going to be his usual self and things are not going to mix. Kee will take everything literally and Ceno is just playing. BACK TO YOUR CORNERS, PEOPLE!!!!

I'm not sure Kee can handle someone like you, Ceno....go easy on him. lol

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Ceno's going to be her usual self and Kee is going to be his usual self and things are not going to mix. Kee will take everything literally and Ceno is just playing. BACK TO YOUR CORNERS, PEOPLE!!!!

I'm not sure Kee can handle someone like you, Ceno....go easy on him. lol

I’ll behave

 

[BeyondShy]

You did… simply cant get enough of me … I didnt spin anything I dont hug large people… so sue me? I also dont sleep with them… in case you was curious…

I am not curious about you at all. You crave attention from everyone in here. Just going over the threads of the last year prove that.

Ceno's going to be her usual self and Kee is going to be his usual self and things are not going to mix. Kee will take everything literally and Ceno is just playing. BACK TO YOUR CORNERS, PEOPLE!!!!

I'm not sure Kee can handle someone like you, Ceno....go easy on him. lol

I don't know what you mean.

 

[ardour]

The consensus seems to be that you're a fat creep who wants to touch women's breasts.

can't he touch his own breasts?

No, seriously, a bit unnecessary.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Ahhh Callieeeeeee ughhh okay okay I promised I’d behave so I’ll keep my witty response to myself….

 

[TheSkaFish]

I felt that women didn't want to touch me either for a long time. I was painfully shy and didn't really open up much, and as far as interests go I was pretty much a one-trick pony (fandoms), which I was afraid to talk about because I thought everyone would make fun of me for being childish. So I just didn't talk at all, let alone make jokes, making it seem like I had no personality when in reality I just didn't show it.

Things got better when I got into more of a variety of interests, without ditching my old ones, and when I got better at talking to people and matching each other's vibe around me. I got less nervous around women. And sometimes I do get some hello/goodbye hugs, although again, it's with people I know and have met many times, and we have a sense of who we are, there's a level of comfort there from familiarity.

I do worry a little about accidentally landing my hands on the wrong place, but it hasn't happened yet.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I do worry a little about accidentally landing my hands on the wrong place, but it hasn't happened yet.

 

[ardour]

NM

 

[michael2]

I would think I am not close enough to that guy to get a hug and I wouldn't expect a hug. I think I already said that. So yes, I would say I am not entled to a hug by that guy and also, I wouldn't want one because I am clearly not close enough to him to give a hug back.

Also, if you don't want to be creepy, don't be inappropriate, don't leer at people, don't ogle them, don't stalk them, don't do dodgy honeysuckle. That's how you accomplish not being creepy. If you aren't doing those things, you aren't creepy.

What in the world is a dodgy hone7suckle. Man, there's so many negative stereotypes and names for men nowadays, I can't keep up.

I think it's a familiarity thing. You have to feel a sense of familiarity with someone, to want to be physically, mentally, emotionally close to someone. Otherwise, there's no real context for closeness. It doesn't make sense to just hug someone you don't really know. There's no compelling reason to do it. You have to know someone a little, before you can be comfortable hugging them - you have to have a sense of ease around the person.

Maybe these girls you see are hugging guys they know, or have talked with for a while, or laughed with and joked around with for a while. All these things create a sense of familiarity, knowing the person, and a sense of being put at ease. Do you laugh and joke around with these women, or have longer, back-and-forth conversations where you open up a little, share something real about yourselves?

It sounds to me like these women you're talking about, just don't know you well enough yet.

That's the thing, they don't feel at ease around me.

I don't joke and laugh with them. I see one too many guys who make it their life's goal to make women laugh. Nah, not me.

For me getting to know someone isn't about having a laugh with them, it's sharing ideas, or learning more about the world together.

I felt that women didn't want to touch me either for a long time. I was painfully shy and didn't really open up much, and as far as interests go I was pretty much a one-trick pony (fandoms), which I was afraid to talk about because I thought everyone would make fun of me for being childish. So I just didn't talk at all, let alone make jokes, making it seem like I had no personality when in reality I just didn't show it.

Things got better when I got into more of a variety of interests, without ditching my old ones, and when I got better at talking to people and matching each other's vibe around me. I got less nervous around women. And sometimes I do get some hello/goodbye hugs, although again, it's with people I know and have met many times, and we have a sense of who we are, there's a level of comfort there from familiarity.

I do worry a little about accidentally landing my hands on the wrong place, but it hasn't happened yet.

What's wrong with being shy, or quiet?

You make it sound like alot of these loud extroverted men who get all the attention live interesting and amazing lives. Most don't. That's the same for quiet introverted men. Most people live boring lives. It's just that the extroverts are the ones looked up to because they thrive on social contact and make a larger effort to talk to people. I only talk to people I find interesting

 

[TheRealCallie]

What in the world is a dodgy hone7suckle. Man, there's so many negative stereotypes and names for men nowadays, I can't keep up.

Dodgy - not trustworthy
Honeysuckle - The forum automatically changed the bad word for poop to honeysuckle.

Got it? Nothing about stereotypes or names, just the forum being ridiculous.

ETA: and that's EVERYONE not just men. M'kay, thanks.

 

[randomguy]

Ahhh Callieeeeeee ughhh okay okay I promised I’d behave so I’ll keep my witty response to myself….

Hahahahaha looks like you got your own personal Grinch Princess, I'm sure that fella was her last year having random pops at you for no reason. Imagine how much fun it would be if he was here all year round. ALL the gift that never stops giving.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Hahahahaha looks like you got your own personal Grinch Princess, I'm sure that fella was her last year having random pops at you for no reason. Imagine how much fun it would be if he was here all year round. ALL the gift that never stops giving.

it actually really hurts my little feelings ah who am I kidding but I hope everyone has a good festive period, no fighting



Oh and back on topic… maybe its because… they are afraid of work gossip. I know every time I simply keep eye contact with a man everyone starts wondering if im having a.. cheating frenzy

 

[randomguy]

No, seriously, a bit unnecessary.

Subtly has never been one of my strong points. I was merely trying to point out the folly of asking for opinions and advice on ALL.... maybe I was being a wee bit mischievous too.

 

[Unsigned]

I do worry a little about accidentally landing my hands on the wrong place, but it hasn't happened yet.

A few years ago, I was accidentally groped in an elevator by a coworker in her 20s.
She was talking and swinging her arms (for some reason) and when the door open and she stepped back her hand landed...well...you can guess where. She chucked a bit and said to me "I'm sure glad it was you".
I interpreted that 2 ways (1) we knew each other so it was less awkward or (2) you're an old guy so you won't get any funny ideas.
It later turned out that she was a lesbian - no relevance to the story, just an interesting side bit.
I liked her. Had a good sense of humor and could deal with my "political incorrectness" just fine.