Why don't women ever approach men?

[Revengineer]

The unspoken rule is still that it's the man's job to approach, and this causes many women to decide that there's no point in taking the initiative themselves. But why is the man's "job"? What innate skill do men have that makes them better suited for facing rejection than women? I won't deny that everyone is afraid of rejection, but only guys are encouraged to risk it because... men can take it, but women are too emotionally fragile? That's actually an insulting assumption towards women if you think about it.

Girls, I don't think taking the initiative is a bad thing in itself. Yes it can be extremely uncomfortable, but you have more control over who you get to date. It guarantees that you'll get noticed. And trust me, a decent guy won't call you horrible things just for introducing yourself to him. If he does then he's already made the decision for you.

 

[Mike413]

The unspoken rule is still that it's the man's job to approach, and this causes many women to decide that there's no point in taking the initiative themselves. But why is the man's "job"? What innate skill do men have that makes them better suited for facing rejection than women? I won't deny that everyone is afraid of rejection, but only guys are encouraged to risk it because... men can take it, but women are too emotionally fragile? That's actually an insulting assumption towards women if you think about it.

Girls, I don't think taking the initiative is a bad thing in itself. Yes it can be extremely uncomfortable, but you have more control over who you get to date. It guarantees that you'll get noticed. And trust me, a decent guy won't call you horrible things just for introducing yourself to him. If he does then he's already made the decision for you.

It depends on how they approach. It can be done in a very friendly way that doesn't shock the man or put them on the spot. It could be something as simple as "could you please pass the salt."

I won't say women are too emotionally fragile but generally speaking you could say men are better able to handle it because they lack the emotional component woman have and it won't cause them to be as upset as a woman might be. Rejection still sucks but I think because of social programming it's something men are expected to do and women aren't. So because men will have to do it more they get used to it more or something like that.

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{Ive seen with my own eyes women approach men. All the time. I'm not making this up. So how come I'm a troll ? How come it's a joke what I say ? Ive seen it for god's sake ! }

Because you are implying(and even outright saying in so many words)that only good looking men get approached and if you don't get approached you must ugly or something and that's a load of crap. Lots of good looking guys don't get approached. I heard that even Brad Pitt couldn't get a date when he first started out. He didn't become better looking just because he became famous(although many women might think that).

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Mike, you seem to be very mislead. Your experiences and what you've seen doesn't count as fact for everyone.

Uh no. Look at all the responses on here. Most people are agreeing with me that women don't typically approach men and many are giving good reasons that explain why. If they didn't agree with the premise then they wouldn't be giving explanations so obviously it's not just me who thinks this.

 

[MellyVinelli]

I've had a peculiar thing happen at a bar last year. Two guys came up to me and pointed to a girl and told me she was available. First, I was in a long distance relationship (no longer long distance now) and second, I thought they were pulling my leg. I brushed them off and they came back when the bar was near closing and this time she approached with them. I again turned it down and she got very offended. I will never know what could have happened but for that reason I would say I'm still engaged. But, if it were a happy engagement I wouldn't be here to talk about my loneliness. But aside from all that, at least I can dispel the belief that women NEVER approach men.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Because my hairs a mess, I need a shave, covered in sawdust, and tools that poke out of my toolbag are sharp.

Forgot to add that I've got dragon breath this morning- too much coffee and the fried egg and onion sandwich has given me the ability to melt steel.

I would have been OK for an approach until you mentioned that last bit, lol.

I brushed my teeth

*Approaches.....sneezes at sawdust and runs off to blow nose*

 

[Mike413]

I've had a peculiar thing happen at a bar last year. Two guys came up to me and pointed to a girl and told me she was available. First, I was in a long distance relationship (no longer long distance now) and second, I thought they were pulling my leg. I brushed them off and they came back when the bar was near closing and this time she approached with them. I again turned it down and she got very offended. I will never know what could have happened but for that reason I would say I'm still engaged. But, if it were a happy engagement I wouldn't be here to talk about my loneliness. But aside from all that, at least I can dispel the belief that women NEVER approach men.

Wow, I wish that happened to me.

Actually, I have a question. Did these guys and this woman act like they knew you? Maybe it was a case of mistaken identity. I can't imagine people you never met before and them knowing they didn't know you have the audacity to try to proposition you like that(even if they were drunk).

 

[ladyforsaken]

But, if it were a happy engagement I wouldn't be here to talk about my loneliness.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I'm sorry it's not a happy engagement for you.

As far as stereotypes go, it's really hard for anybody, male or female, to approach anyone. Rejection hurts, dude.

It actually proves that women are smarter than men, because they sit back and let us do all the work. Well, some of us... I have trouble approaching girls, which is probably why I've never kissed anyone.

But I have had a few crazy instances. One girl threw her arms around me in a bar, dragged me back to her friends, and introduced me as her boyfriend. One girl called me sexy several times and said I had a cute butt. One girl used my phone as an opener, and actually took my phone and wouldn't give it back until I either said yes or no to her asking me out.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Mike, you seem to be very mislead. Your experiences and what you've seen doesn't count as fact for everyone.

Uh no. Look at all the responses on here. Most people are agreeing with me that women don't typically approach men and many are giving good reasons that explain why. If they didn't agree with the premise then they wouldn't be giving explanations so obviously it's not just me who thinks this.

Don't typically approach guys. That's not saying they never do the approaching. Jesus, dude, dig your head out from the sand a bit.

 

[jzinsky]

Look at it this way, why should the woman have to be the one to do the
hard work of approaching a guy?

Equality?
But yeah woman approach a man... Hmm... Just like buying the round, walking round with no shirt on and saying just what's on their mind directly there are some things women just don't do. (generally of course, there may well be a small pocket of 3-4 among the billions :/ )

And look at it this way, why should the man have to be the one to do the hard work of being systematically ignored by all the women?

 

[theraab]

Look at it this way, why should the woman have to be the one to do the
hard work of approaching a guy?

Equality?
But yeah woman approach a man... Hmm... Just like buying the round, walking round with no shirt on and saying just what's on their mind directly there are some things women just don't do. (generally of course, there may well be a small pocket of 3-4 among the billions :/ )

And look at it this way, why should the man have to be the one to do the hard work of being systematically ignored by all the women?

If a guy doesn't want to approach a woman, that's up to him - but if he doesn't do it, another guy will. When you do approach a woman, sometimes you win and sometimes you lose - but if you refuse to compete with the other guys, don't be upset with women because they didn't make the first move.

And, if you're being systematically ignored by all the women, why would you expect them to notice you to approach you in the first place? Wouldn't that be all the more reason to make the first move?

There's nothing wrong with women making the first move (like I said before, it's happened to me and was in no way a turn off), but it isn't something you should count on if you want to get the girl.

 

[MellyVinelli]

I've had a peculiar thing happen at a bar last year. Two guys came up to me and pointed to a girl and told me she was available. First, I was in a long distance relationship (no longer long distance now) and second, I thought they were pulling my leg. I brushed them off and they came back when the bar was near closing and this time she approached with them. I again turned it down and she got very offended. I will never know what could have happened but for that reason I would say I'm still engaged. But, if it were a happy engagement I wouldn't be here to talk about my loneliness. But aside from all that, at least I can dispel the belief that women NEVER approach men.

Wow, I wish that happened to me.

Actually, I have a question. Did these guys and this woman act like they knew you? Maybe it was a case of mistaken identity. I can't imagine people you never met before and them knowing they didn't know you have the audacity to try to proposition you like that(even if they were drunk).

I know I definitely wasn't drunk. I was playing wallflower and went with two female coworkers who were approached by two guys in a hurry while I spent the rest of the night alone. I suppose this really shouldn't count because I was first and foremost approached by two dudes on behalf of a girl in an attempt to get her laid. She was a willing participant but she was not really the type I would have really tried to grow a pair to approach.

However, I was invited to hang out with a crowd a long time ago that wasn't really my friends. I don't talk to any of them anymore. We all went to town to have one guy demonstrate how he picks up girls every time.

And this isn't for dating...it's purely for sex. He allowed us to pick a few in the crowd and have him score at least one.

I watched him down the rest of his beer, walk around the dance floor like a vulture and then make a pass at the girl when I didn't think it was possible...

He chatted her up, probably some pick up line to grab her attention.

He told her he needed to go to the washroom, came back to us, and said "let's go to Durty Nelly's, another bar. I looked at the girl. She had ditched her little circle of friends, waiting in the middle of the dance floor for his return, and he was standing with us getting his coat on. What?!!! And if you all think he must look like Ryan Gosling...here's a mental image for you. He wore a yellow dress shirt that used to be white and one straying eyeball.

 

[VanillaCreme]

If a guy doesn't want to approach a woman, that's up to him - but if he doesn't do it, another guy will. When you do approach a woman, sometimes you win and sometimes you lose - but if you refuse to compete with the other guys, don't be upset with women because they didn't make the first move.

And, if you're being systematically ignored by all the women, why would you expect them to notice you to approach you in the first place? Wouldn't that be all the more reason to make the first move?

There's nothing wrong with women making the first move (like I said before, it's happened to me and was in no way a turn off), but it isn't something you should count on if you want to get the girl.

Quoted for truth. Because it's really, truly, honestly up to the person.

And if you all think he must look like Ryan Gosling...here's a mental image for you. He wore a yellow dress shirt that used to be white and one straying eyeball.

Actually, I was thinking why would he leave someone like that? Rather rude of him.

 

[Dissident]

So basically you both subscribe to the alpha/beta dichotomy.

 

[MellyVinelli]

If a guy doesn't want to approach a woman, that's up to him - but if he doesn't do it, another guy will. When you do approach a woman, sometimes you win and sometimes you lose - but if you refuse to compete with the other guys, don't be upset with women because they didn't make the first move.

And, if you're being systematically ignored by all the women, why would you expect them to notice you to approach you in the first place? Wouldn't that be all the more reason to make the first move?

There's nothing wrong with women making the first move (like I said before, it's happened to me and was in no way a turn off), but it isn't something you should count on if you want to get the girl.

Quoted for truth. Because it's really, truly, honestly up to the person.

And if you all think he must look like Ryan Gosling...here's a mental image for you. He wore a yellow dress shirt that used to be white and one straying eyeball.

Actually, I was thinking why would he leave someone like that? Rather rude of him.

Because he was never interested in the girl. His stunt only served as a live demonstration.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Because he was never interested in the girl. His stunt only served as a live demonstration.

And that just proves that you can get what you go for.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Men don't usually do ballet. That doesn't mean that, if you go to a ballet, all the people up on stage are women.

Women don't usually do construction or be police officers. That doesn't mean every construction worker or police officer is a man.

 

[jzinsky]

There's nothing wrong with women making the first move (like I said before, it's happened to me and was in no way a turn off), but it isn't something you should count on if you want to get the girl.

My point is that I've seen (and torn into) plenty of women who will refuse to make the first move despite their attraction to a guy that's probably oblivious.

I understand and appreciate all the points that contradict and agree with the OP, but then also understand that people are bloody stupid.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I understand and appreciate all the points that contradict and agree with the OP, but then also understand that people are bloody stupid.

How is it your right to decide that all people are stupid, and act a certain way?

 

[ardour]

If a guy doesn't want to approach a woman, that's up to him - but if he doesn't do it, another guy will. When you do approach a woman, sometimes you win and sometimes you lose - but if you refuse to compete with the other guys, don't be upset with women because they didn't make the first move.

And, if you're being systematically ignored by all the women, why would you expect them to notice you to approach you in the first place? Wouldn't that be all the more reason to make the first move?

There's nothing wrong with women making the first move (like I said before, it's happened to me and was in no way a turn off), but it isn't something you should count on if you want to get the girl.

This misses the point of the topic, but you unintentionally affirm what the OP is complaining about; the basic unfairness of having to offer yourself up for rejection while women get to sit back and let men do the work and take the risk.

 

[theraab]

If a guy doesn't want to approach a woman, that's up to him - but if he doesn't do it, another guy will. When you do approach a woman, sometimes you win and sometimes you lose - but if you refuse to compete with the other guys, don't be upset with women because they didn't make the first move.

And, if you're being systematically ignored by all the women, why would you expect them to notice you to approach you in the first place? Wouldn't that be all the more reason to make the first move?

There's nothing wrong with women making the first move (like I said before, it's happened to me and was in no way a turn off), but it isn't something you should count on if you want to get the girl.

This misses the point of the topic, but you unintentionally affirm what the OP is complaining about; the basic unfairness of having to offer yourself up for rejection while women get to sit back and let men do the work and take the risk.

Since when is anything in life fair? The women aren't the ones making it unfair - complain about the guys who have balls enough to talk to those women, because they are the ones who are making it unnecessary for women to make the first move.

Frankly, the sort of guy who complains about how women don't make the first move (for whatever reason) rather than going out and talking to women or making themselves more desirable for women isn't the sort of guys that women are going to approach anyway.

Maybe that's the problem - it isn't that women don't approach guys - it's that women don't approach guys who don't otherwise have the guts to approach them.