Why would a girl give someone like me a chance?

[SomeoneSomewhere]

Disclaimer: I have an STD (which wasn't sexually transmitted in my case) and this thread is probably going to be all about that. If you are too sensitive to talk about it, please look away. Thank you.

Okay, so I have an STD, the biggest, baddest one (I'm not too comfortable naming it) and as I said before, I didn't get it through the use of drugs or unsafe sex or any of that.

Now, why would a girl, in her sane mind, want to be with me when she can get everything I can possibly offer, minus the hazard? I'm not even that good looking, not fun, not rich, nothing. If I were a superstar who owned a golden Lambo maybe and had it, it makes sense for a girl to want to be with me. But me, with what I am? In what world would that be worth the risk?

 

[Sci-Fi]

Good question, I dunno I'm sure there are people who have STD's that date. It just adjusting your lifestyle to work around whatever it is you have. Dating isn't all about sex, it's also about having something in common with the other person and enjoying each others company. There are toys out there to be able to pleasure each other if that's what you are concerned with.

 

[Lady X]

I don't know what your condition is, or how serious, whether its curable or suchlike. But let me give you an "top end" example:

I have a family member who has HIV.

He has a successful career, a good social life, and a good long term relationship (with someone who does not have HIV). He is also in very good health, moreso infact than someone without his condition, and can expect a normal life expectancy.

He is a good example of how you can live a normal life with a serious condition (if not the most serious condition) that can be transmitted sexually.


There are also numerous examples of people with other incurable sexually transmitted conditions (I don't like the term "disease" as it serves only to add stigma to it and make one somehow ashamed of it) who live normal love lives. There are even dating sites for people with various conditions so that they can meet people who either don't care, or have them themselves already.

Personally, as long as all reasonable measures were taken to employ safe sex at all times, I would not have a problem dating someone with a transmittable health condition, if they really were the right man for me (Disclaimer: and were I not already married!). Basically, there are women out there, myself included, who would not rule out a guy who was perfect for me because of a health condition that can be controlled. The only issue is of having children, as safe sex throws that out of the window. But again, not all women actually want kids. And even those who do may be willing to explore IVF or adoption if natural conception was not possible.


Don't give up hope. It is possible

 

[Spiderpope]

But me, with what I am? In what world would that be worth the risk?

Because you are more than your illness? It's true some won't be able to see beyond it, but you are still a person. You still have good traits and bad, same as anyone else. And there will be someone out there who will see that.

The people who can't accept it, well, are they really the kind of person you would want a relationship with?

 

[I'm Not a Doctor]

I can see how it can hurt your chances, but I'm sure you wouldn't share this fact with anyone you didn't have any deep connection. You'll find that many times that this connection will be enough for the two of you to make it through together.

Everyone has flaws, this is just one of yours. It's what you make of it that matters.

 

[MaddogRon]

Are you the only one on this earth with this problem ? Somewhere out there is someone with the same thoughts you have.
With the same problems, the same fears, and is going through life without someone to hold, to love and to care for.
Don't give up, never give up !!
Ron

 

[ladyforsaken]

What Lady X shared is proof that it's possible to find someone who can accept you the way you are. The chances may be slim, but hey, look around the forum, there are a lot of people who are healthy and able and still have problems finding a mate. I think it's just a matter of time - but only if you keep trying and give it a chance to happen. Don't limit your possibilities by thinking it won't happen.

 

[nerdygirl]

The question to ask yourself is, "Why not?" You said, "I'm not even that good looking, not fun" The thing is... a lot of people think they're ugly or boring, and a lot of people disagree with them. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all of that.

 

[aspalas]

I don't think love is about being rich, looking good, or having/not having an STD. If you really like a girl, would you care that much if she had an STD? It is a limitation, but honestly, I wouldn't mind that much, whatever it is she has. As I said, a relationship isn't (well, shouldn't be) based on stuff like this. I can't deny having the STD I think you have sucks, but you aren't doomed. It might not be the best example, but I know a guy who misses half his right arm (from birth). Everyone looks at and thinks it's weird, but he does have a very beautiful girlfriend now.

Like missing half your arm, an STD isn't the end of the world, it just limits you in certain ways, but it doesn't mean you can't ever have a relationship.

 

[SomeoneSomewhere]

Thank you all so much, all your replies make me feel so much better.

But the problem is, I just can't get past the initial "looking at a girl" stage without my head going "How can you have a chance with someone like that?! You have ____!!!!".

I know, a lot of you will say that I should just approach her normally without thinking about having the possibility of a romantic relationship with her. But I just don't know how that's done.

Any ideas...?

 

[Spiderpope]

Thank you all so much, all your replies make me feel so much better.

But the problem is, I just can't get past the initial "looking at a girl" stage without my head going "How can you have a chance with someone like that?! You have ____!!!!".

I know, a lot of you will say that I should just approach her normally without thinking about having the possibility of a romantic relationship with her. But I just don't know how that's done.

Any ideas...?

To be fair if we knew how to do that i don't think we'd be on a forum for lonely people

 

[nerdygirl]

Have you ever tried visiting this site?

http://www.positivesingles.com/

I didn't explore it, but it looks potentially useful for somebody in your position.

 

[nelloy]

Thank you all so much, all your replies make me feel so much better.

But the problem is, I just can't get past the initial "looking at a girl" stage without my head going "How can you have a chance with someone like that?! You have ____!!!!".

I know, a lot of you will say that I should just approach her normally without thinking about having the possibility of a romantic relationship with her. But I just don't know how that's done.

Any ideas...?

Im going to be honest here so don't take offence but it sounds like you're just making excuses.

Everyone has things they dont like and that they insecure about and think other people will dislike them for... this is just another one. If you want to find a good and meaningful relationship you have to find a way of letting go of your insecurities and hang ups about yourself.

Having an STI is a hurdle just the same as having a personality trait that is undesirable.... an STI may be easier to live with who knows?

You can still find someone to love and who will love you for you.... as long as you dont let the STI get in the way.

Good luck