WrongDecision
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- Aug 3, 2016
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As you can all see my nick name Wrong Decision is one I chose because I truly believe it fits me as a person. All throughout my life from high school, to college, to girlfriends, to jobs, to marriage I have always and I mean always made the wrong decisions. So much regret and wish I could go back moments in my life I dont even know where to start? I honestly think I can write multiple books with all that I been through with all the wrong decisions I made. So here is my story and sorry if it's wrong but I guess it's time I share it with the world.
It all began after a divorce from my first wife. Again another wrong decision I made in life but then again its one that everyone seems to make these days. Getting married young and thinking everything will be perfect. Long story short after 5 years my x and I called it quits. No children were involved and no big financial decisions so we actually had a very civil and easy divorce. Right after my divorce I met the girl of my dreams on a dating site. She was close to perfect but with a big flaw. The flaw wasn't even the fact that she was cross country from me. I was on the east coast and she was on the west. She was so beautiful that most models in today's world would be jealous of her. She was tall, brunet, curvy, with the most perfect smile. As they say though when someone or something looks to good to be true there is hidden story. Well she had that story and it was deep and dark. This girl Ayla lets call her suffered from depression. Not only that but she also hurt herself from all the pain. From our many phone conversations she use to tell me about times where she would cut herself because the pain was so bad. She would tell me she was lost and pain at times was to hard to bare. I believe 99.99999% of guys right after that conversation would hang up delete her from the list and run. I mean this girl had such a dark side that for a split second I thought no way can she ever see light at the end of the tunnel. She seemed to be lost soul and one that may never find herself.
My grandmother use to once tell me that I have a big heart. God rest her soul she was right. Because no matter all these big dark secrets of this girl I decided to stand by her side and talk to her in hopes she would one day appreciate life and know the real meaning of love. We would talk for hours, days, and nights. I cell phone bill was close to a mortgage payments with all the texts and calls. I even switched providers just so I can have unlimited minutes and texts to talk to her. Days, nights, months, and even years went by. I was always there for her no matter what. When that phone rang I would drop everything and run just so I can hear her voice and make sure she's okay. Along our time on the phone I started to see changes. She was always so happy and cheerful when talking to me. She would thank me all the time noting I am her angel and have taken her out of the dark. A time came where she even said I love you and honestly I was well over head over heels for this girl. Ayla was the one for me and no one else could replace her. She was the one I wanted to meet and one day start a family with. Nothing or no one was going to change that.
Like all happy days come the sad. I first booked my flight to go see her a little over a year past. This was it I thought I can finally meet the girl of my dreams. When she found out her reaction was very strange. She simply told me she wasn't ready for me and to please cancel my trip for another time. I was heart broken and confused. As hard as it was I canceled my trip just for her well being. A week went by and we didn't talk. Still lost in my own little world wondering what I did wrong. Then a call came in and it was her. Ayla was pleading for me to forgive her. Telling me the time was off and promised we will meet soon but not now. Somehow and someway I found myself to forgive her.
Fast forward few months down the road I was once again ready to finally make this trip to meet the girl of my dreams. I still recall if it was yesterday sitting in that airplane on my way to go see her. I was nervous, happy, and very anxious. When I finally landed the first thing I did was take out my phone and call her. But, no one picked up on the other line. I called her again and again but nothing but voice mail. I once again found myself confused and heart broken. Where could have this girl gone? She knew I was coming so where is she? For a full day I waited with the phone in my hand. Suddenly I got a call and rushed to answer. But, it wasn't her but her sister. She told me she has some sad news and that Ayla was taken to a clinic over night. She told me about a altercation between some guy she was dating that ended to be physical. She told me she was in a really bad situation and requested to go to the clinic as she couldnt face me and that she sorry.
I felt as if my world had ended. Everything I've done and tried to do was all to a complete waste. This one girl that I poured my heart to in hopes to one day meet was just simply not meant to be. No matter how much I wanted it to be and God did I ever it just wasn't meant to be. Like a zombie for the rest of my week long vacation I wondered why? Why me and what did I do wrong? I arrived back home more heart broken then ever before. Not knowing what to do next I quickly looked for an outlet to fill my void. This by far the biggest mistake I had made in life. I quickly met someone else and before you know it found myself dating her but with Ayla always in my mind.
A phone call came in one night and there was silence. I knew right away that it was her. I asked Ayla to speak and to talk to me. About a minute or two into the phone call she did. She told me she was sorry and I deserve better. She told me everything I didnt want to hear. That I can do better and to move on. As hard as it was I told her I will and I already found someone else to move on with.
One year later here I am married to a girl who filled my void and to a girl who promised to give me the world. Five years passed and I got a sudden email from Ayla. Not sure how she found me but she did. She told me she is now married also and has a son. Lost and confused I didn't know if I should be happy for her or mad that she never gave me a chance?
Ayla may have moved on with her life and new family but I honestly know I didn't. Till this day I question myself what if? Till this day I ask myself what if I didn't listen to her the first time and made that trip? What if I didn't rush into finding another girl right away and just gave her time? How would my life be today?
Truth of the matter is I'm not happily married, I dont like my 8-5 job, I'm trapped in debt a house I didn't want, and living a life that I forced myself to live just to forget about Ayla. But, I simply can't forget about her. No matter what I do I can't get this girl out of my head. It's almost as if she hypnotized me. Easier said then done I have to walk away and not look back. I have at times moved forward but no matter what I still look back and I still find myself asking what if.
It all began after a divorce from my first wife. Again another wrong decision I made in life but then again its one that everyone seems to make these days. Getting married young and thinking everything will be perfect. Long story short after 5 years my x and I called it quits. No children were involved and no big financial decisions so we actually had a very civil and easy divorce. Right after my divorce I met the girl of my dreams on a dating site. She was close to perfect but with a big flaw. The flaw wasn't even the fact that she was cross country from me. I was on the east coast and she was on the west. She was so beautiful that most models in today's world would be jealous of her. She was tall, brunet, curvy, with the most perfect smile. As they say though when someone or something looks to good to be true there is hidden story. Well she had that story and it was deep and dark. This girl Ayla lets call her suffered from depression. Not only that but she also hurt herself from all the pain. From our many phone conversations she use to tell me about times where she would cut herself because the pain was so bad. She would tell me she was lost and pain at times was to hard to bare. I believe 99.99999% of guys right after that conversation would hang up delete her from the list and run. I mean this girl had such a dark side that for a split second I thought no way can she ever see light at the end of the tunnel. She seemed to be lost soul and one that may never find herself.
My grandmother use to once tell me that I have a big heart. God rest her soul she was right. Because no matter all these big dark secrets of this girl I decided to stand by her side and talk to her in hopes she would one day appreciate life and know the real meaning of love. We would talk for hours, days, and nights. I cell phone bill was close to a mortgage payments with all the texts and calls. I even switched providers just so I can have unlimited minutes and texts to talk to her. Days, nights, months, and even years went by. I was always there for her no matter what. When that phone rang I would drop everything and run just so I can hear her voice and make sure she's okay. Along our time on the phone I started to see changes. She was always so happy and cheerful when talking to me. She would thank me all the time noting I am her angel and have taken her out of the dark. A time came where she even said I love you and honestly I was well over head over heels for this girl. Ayla was the one for me and no one else could replace her. She was the one I wanted to meet and one day start a family with. Nothing or no one was going to change that.
Like all happy days come the sad. I first booked my flight to go see her a little over a year past. This was it I thought I can finally meet the girl of my dreams. When she found out her reaction was very strange. She simply told me she wasn't ready for me and to please cancel my trip for another time. I was heart broken and confused. As hard as it was I canceled my trip just for her well being. A week went by and we didn't talk. Still lost in my own little world wondering what I did wrong. Then a call came in and it was her. Ayla was pleading for me to forgive her. Telling me the time was off and promised we will meet soon but not now. Somehow and someway I found myself to forgive her.
Fast forward few months down the road I was once again ready to finally make this trip to meet the girl of my dreams. I still recall if it was yesterday sitting in that airplane on my way to go see her. I was nervous, happy, and very anxious. When I finally landed the first thing I did was take out my phone and call her. But, no one picked up on the other line. I called her again and again but nothing but voice mail. I once again found myself confused and heart broken. Where could have this girl gone? She knew I was coming so where is she? For a full day I waited with the phone in my hand. Suddenly I got a call and rushed to answer. But, it wasn't her but her sister. She told me she has some sad news and that Ayla was taken to a clinic over night. She told me about a altercation between some guy she was dating that ended to be physical. She told me she was in a really bad situation and requested to go to the clinic as she couldnt face me and that she sorry.
I felt as if my world had ended. Everything I've done and tried to do was all to a complete waste. This one girl that I poured my heart to in hopes to one day meet was just simply not meant to be. No matter how much I wanted it to be and God did I ever it just wasn't meant to be. Like a zombie for the rest of my week long vacation I wondered why? Why me and what did I do wrong? I arrived back home more heart broken then ever before. Not knowing what to do next I quickly looked for an outlet to fill my void. This by far the biggest mistake I had made in life. I quickly met someone else and before you know it found myself dating her but with Ayla always in my mind.
A phone call came in one night and there was silence. I knew right away that it was her. I asked Ayla to speak and to talk to me. About a minute or two into the phone call she did. She told me she was sorry and I deserve better. She told me everything I didnt want to hear. That I can do better and to move on. As hard as it was I told her I will and I already found someone else to move on with.
One year later here I am married to a girl who filled my void and to a girl who promised to give me the world. Five years passed and I got a sudden email from Ayla. Not sure how she found me but she did. She told me she is now married also and has a son. Lost and confused I didn't know if I should be happy for her or mad that she never gave me a chance?
Ayla may have moved on with her life and new family but I honestly know I didn't. Till this day I question myself what if? Till this day I ask myself what if I didn't listen to her the first time and made that trip? What if I didn't rush into finding another girl right away and just gave her time? How would my life be today?
Truth of the matter is I'm not happily married, I dont like my 8-5 job, I'm trapped in debt a house I didn't want, and living a life that I forced myself to live just to forget about Ayla. But, I simply can't forget about her. No matter what I do I can't get this girl out of my head. It's almost as if she hypnotized me. Easier said then done I have to walk away and not look back. I have at times moved forward but no matter what I still look back and I still find myself asking what if.