Hi everybody
I'm new here and this is my first post.
I'm 27, and a complete loser. I have very few friends who I can actually call friends, and it's been nearly 6 years since I had any physical intimate contact with anyone (not even a hug!) I've been on my own for so long, I don't even remember what it's like to touch or hold someone.
I'm not very good at meeting new people, and in social situations can feel awkward and anxious. If anyone starts talking to me, I honestly feel like I'm going to throw up or wet myself. I try to put on a front to mask this, I act the fool, I drink heavily or I do something crazy which I believe will make me look "cool" or make people notice me. They never do.
I haven't always felt like this. I was quite secure in myself, and didn't care what people thought about me. Or so I thought. Looking back, my life has been the same story played out in different situations.
I've always been an easy target for ridicule. I was never the best looking guy in school, but I never considered myself to be ugly. Until I started to notice girls. It was then I actually thought of myself as hidious. Every girl I asked out or tried to talk to, walked away ignoring me. Or they laughed in my face. I put this down to the immaturity of adolesance. I was wrong.
When I left school, I started being a "social butterfly." I went out every night, had quite a few friends and started to relax and have a good time. Until I asked a girl out. We'd known each other for a while and my feelings for her grew and grew until eventually I couldn't stop thinking about her. I couldn't eat, sleep or concentrate at work. I was in love, and certain she felt the same way. She didn't, she laughed in my face and started seeing my then best friend.
I took this so bad that I moved away. I moved back to a place I used to live. I met up with old friends and again started to feel comfortable in my skin again.
One night we all went to a live music gig. I met this girl, she was beautiful in every way, and I was smitten instantly. I wanted to see her agian, and we began to become friends. I asked her out constatly. Until the time she slept with (you guessed it) my best friend.
I eventually got over it, and found myself a girl who liked me in the same way I liked her. We started seeing each other and were together for nealy 3 years. Since we split up, I've found out that she cheated on me throughout the entirity of our relationship, aborted my baby (which I later found out wasn't mine in the first place.) She even cheated on me with at least 3 of my closest friends.
So as ou can imagine, we split up. That was nearly 6 years ago, and since then, I have lost any self confidence that I built up in those 3 years.
Since we split, I've been locked in a downward spiral of depression lonliness and self hatred. I have NO luck whatsoever with the opposite sex. The best example of this was when I went out for my birthday 4 years ago. I started chatting to a girl and it seemed as if we were getting on really well. I offered to buy her a drink and she accepted. The second I gave her the drink, she was gone. She spent half an hour talking with me, just to get a glass of wine.
On the same night, I chatted to another girl. She took one look at me and then turned to her friends and started to immasculate me in front of her friends and mine. My friends were no help... they joined in. I went home and tried to hang myself. My mother found me passed out with a belt round my neck, still breathing. This wasn't a cry for help. I actually wanted to die.
Obviously, I didn't go through with killng myself. I have since not attempted again. I honestly now see it as a selfish way out.
But things haven't got better. I'm starting to feel as down as I did that night. And I don't know how much more living alone I can take.
I decided to try and take steps to stop this. I went out more and spoke to more people. No one wanted to talk to me.
I tried internet dating. 7 sites and 3years later, I have never had a reply from anyone. No one looks at my profiles, no one contacts me. I know this sounds hard to believe, lets face it ANYONE can find love on the internet. Not me it seems.
All I want is to find one person, just one, who can love me and be loved by me. Is that too much to ask?!
This has gone on for far too long now, I just want to be loved. But it seems that no one wants to love me.
I'm new here and this is my first post.
I'm 27, and a complete loser. I have very few friends who I can actually call friends, and it's been nearly 6 years since I had any physical intimate contact with anyone (not even a hug!) I've been on my own for so long, I don't even remember what it's like to touch or hold someone.
I'm not very good at meeting new people, and in social situations can feel awkward and anxious. If anyone starts talking to me, I honestly feel like I'm going to throw up or wet myself. I try to put on a front to mask this, I act the fool, I drink heavily or I do something crazy which I believe will make me look "cool" or make people notice me. They never do.
I haven't always felt like this. I was quite secure in myself, and didn't care what people thought about me. Or so I thought. Looking back, my life has been the same story played out in different situations.
I've always been an easy target for ridicule. I was never the best looking guy in school, but I never considered myself to be ugly. Until I started to notice girls. It was then I actually thought of myself as hidious. Every girl I asked out or tried to talk to, walked away ignoring me. Or they laughed in my face. I put this down to the immaturity of adolesance. I was wrong.
When I left school, I started being a "social butterfly." I went out every night, had quite a few friends and started to relax and have a good time. Until I asked a girl out. We'd known each other for a while and my feelings for her grew and grew until eventually I couldn't stop thinking about her. I couldn't eat, sleep or concentrate at work. I was in love, and certain she felt the same way. She didn't, she laughed in my face and started seeing my then best friend.
I took this so bad that I moved away. I moved back to a place I used to live. I met up with old friends and again started to feel comfortable in my skin again.
One night we all went to a live music gig. I met this girl, she was beautiful in every way, and I was smitten instantly. I wanted to see her agian, and we began to become friends. I asked her out constatly. Until the time she slept with (you guessed it) my best friend.
I eventually got over it, and found myself a girl who liked me in the same way I liked her. We started seeing each other and were together for nealy 3 years. Since we split up, I've found out that she cheated on me throughout the entirity of our relationship, aborted my baby (which I later found out wasn't mine in the first place.) She even cheated on me with at least 3 of my closest friends.
So as ou can imagine, we split up. That was nearly 6 years ago, and since then, I have lost any self confidence that I built up in those 3 years.
Since we split, I've been locked in a downward spiral of depression lonliness and self hatred. I have NO luck whatsoever with the opposite sex. The best example of this was when I went out for my birthday 4 years ago. I started chatting to a girl and it seemed as if we were getting on really well. I offered to buy her a drink and she accepted. The second I gave her the drink, she was gone. She spent half an hour talking with me, just to get a glass of wine.
On the same night, I chatted to another girl. She took one look at me and then turned to her friends and started to immasculate me in front of her friends and mine. My friends were no help... they joined in. I went home and tried to hang myself. My mother found me passed out with a belt round my neck, still breathing. This wasn't a cry for help. I actually wanted to die.
Obviously, I didn't go through with killng myself. I have since not attempted again. I honestly now see it as a selfish way out.
But things haven't got better. I'm starting to feel as down as I did that night. And I don't know how much more living alone I can take.
I decided to try and take steps to stop this. I went out more and spoke to more people. No one wanted to talk to me.
I tried internet dating. 7 sites and 3years later, I have never had a reply from anyone. No one looks at my profiles, no one contacts me. I know this sounds hard to believe, lets face it ANYONE can find love on the internet. Not me it seems.
All I want is to find one person, just one, who can love me and be loved by me. Is that too much to ask?!
This has gone on for far too long now, I just want to be loved. But it seems that no one wants to love me.
