So, i do have one friend, i am quite lucky to at least have someone i know, but part of me does not want to be friends with her, This girl i have known since i was 6 and we kinda drifted apart between age 12-16 and found each other again last year.. But the difference between us is so great, our taste in music, clothes, boys.. and also the way we seem to think about friendship, i often tend to turn to her when i really need someone to talk too, i always do this when we are both online on facebook or msn cause i could never tell her these things in real life, but i have told her everything and i mean everything she knows all my dark secrets, but when we meet, does she ask me about it? does she pretend like it happened? no! and that is all i want.. and i know i might sound selfish but ok so one time i told her, How i had started to cut, and feel the urge to cut (I do not do this anymore but at the time i really wanted to) and that i was thinking about death alot, that suicide might be the only option. We meet 1 day later, you'd think she would be a little concerned, and i am too shy to acknowledge this.. But no, we sit and talk about all this bullshit stuff that does not matter.. and on the inside i am just screaming but she can't see, she does not want to see. It just makes me question what is a friendship? is this as good as it gets? Maybe i watch to many movies i don't know. And i think i try to be a good friend and care about her, she fights quite a lot with her boyfriend and whenever something happens, i always lets her know that i am here which i do really mean. I am here for her, but she just seem numb to it all. And she has a very active social life.. i always wonder what she is like with her other better friends.. cause i am not one of her best friends.. idk.. Just makes me think what real friends are.