A friend blocked me, and I'm completely lost without her!

[Someone1k94]

This is going to sound really silly, as I only met this person exactly a month ago via a friendship app for those with Autism, and we'd been getting on great - we have most of the same struggles in life, find it hard to make friends, etc. So, I felt a very strong connection with them!

So, anyway... I decided I'd give her a bit of space, so that she could focus on spending time with her Boyfriend. I refrained from sending a message for 24 hours. Similarly, she was not seen on WhatsApp in 24 hours (since we'd last spoken!).

I sent her a message asking how her day went, etc. But I just had a strong feeling that something was wrong and deleted the message and just asked if she was okay instead. She had a row with her Boyfriend the previous week (they sorted things out since then!), and I got worried it had happened again.

Anyway, when she got back to me, her message was in response to the since deleted message (that hadn't been marked as seen), I also never saw her come online, or see her typing, so I mentioned in my response back that I was confused - and she took offence at this.

So, she sent me a 24-paragraph message in response and ended it with "Take care and all the best!" and had blocked my number before I had chance to respond back.

Her main issues were she felt that...

1. I expected her to reply as and when suited me, as if she was a puppet on a string (her analogy) - This wasn't the case, but in the same respect, I feel she expected me to turn on and off whenever was convenient to her! I think she believes that when I asked if she was okay, it meant I was trying to pressure her to respond more quickly, but rather I was genuinely worried about her wellbeing.
2. Thinks it was what she said that confused me - It was mainly that the message hadn't been read/she wasn't showing online!
3. I criticized the way she spoke - this couldn't be further from the truth! I was always respectful of the way they spoke and never once made a comment on their grammar usage!
   

I only realized after it that she probably responded from the notification on her phone, which likely wouldn't mark it as seen!

I guess what I want to know here...

- Should I have at least been given a chance to explain what I meant?
- Did she overreact?
- Is it my fault?

Sorry for the long post, I'm just kinda struggling to deal with it - really could be doing with another person's view! I'm at a loss on what I should do!

Thank you for reading!

 

[TheRealCallie]

Welcome to ALL

Should you have been given a chance to reply? Maybe, but that's neither here nor there because she didn't want to hear the explanation. When dealing with other people, the only control you have is to your own reactions, which sadly, also applies to others. Meaning, that you won't always get a chance to explain. You won't always get the answers you want. Nothing you can do about that one.

Did she overreact? Probably, but we all tend to do that, especially when we are in a difficult situation (ie, if her and her boyfriend were having issues). While you may have sent a message with good intentions, you can't predict how someone will interpret them. Sadly, nothing you can do about that either.

Is it your fault? I believe that no situation can be solely blamed on any one person, so I'm sure you had a part in what happened. BUT, that doesn't mean that the majority of it was on you.

Maybe she'll realize that she overreacted and apologize to you for it, maybe she won't. But there are other people out there to be your friend. If she gave up on you so easily, can you really consider her a friend? People's actions show you who they are, not their words. Believe the actions.

 

[okidoke]

Callie covered it well, but I’ll add, don’t sweat it. Really. Sounds like this is the first time you’ve been blocked. When you’ve been blocked dozens of times you get to realise that people have a lot of issues, which you can’t resolve, so just let it go and move on. I block people on other platforms all the time, for various reasons, whether I’ve known them for one impersonal exchange or after a deep personal lengthy one, but it’s always because in the end they’re not good for my own mental health. On one forum, I block people without even ever having an exchange with them just so I don’t see their rubbish in the feed lol.

Welcome to the forum.

 

[Someone1k94]

Callie covered it well, but I’ll add, don’t sweat it. Really. Sounds like this is the first time you’ve been blocked. When you’ve been blocked dozens of times you get to realise that people have a lot of issues, which you can’t resolve, so just let it go and move on. I block people on other platforms all the time, for various reasons, whether I’ve known them for one impersonal exchange or after a deep personal lengthy one, but it’s always because in the end they’re not good for my own mental health. On one forum, I block people without even ever having an exchange with them just so I don’t see their rubbish in the feed lol.

Welcome to the forum.

It's not the first time I've been blocked, but it is the first time I've been blocked by someone I actually care about!

For me, personally, I very much dislike blocking people - unless I have no choice to!

 

[okidoke]

It's not the first time I've been blocked, but it is the first time I've been blocked by someone I actually care about!

For me, personally, I very much dislike blocking people - unless I have no choice to!

Not saying it's impossible to get close to someone in a short time, but really, how well can you know someone in one month. Some people have surprised me after years.

 

[Someone1k94]

Not saying it's impossible to get close to someone in a short time, but really, how well can you know someone in one month. Some people have surprised me after years.

I suppose.

A bit of a development since my last response here. If quite by chance, as I was checking another app for Autistic individuals I use and searching for helpful posts, and found this person on there - without looking for them!

I requested to connect with them, and this I guess I will see as a last resort. If they decide to reject the request, I have my answer and will be left in a worse state.

On the other hand, I may get a chance to explain my side of things to her and hopefully can make amends.

 

[okidoke]

Don't guess at what might happen. It's pointless and causes unnecessary emotions. Whatever happens, happens. Same advice applies as I said before. Let it go. Move on. You don't want to come across as creepy and stalkerish.

 

[Someone1k94]

I have made a decision on this matter.

I have removed the request to contact and will just get on with trying to make new friends!

And maybe she will reach out in the future. If she does, fantastic. If not, her loss.

I appreciate the responses you both have made here. Thank you.

 

[Someone1k94]

Hey!

Just thought I'd post a quick update on this one - a week ago (well, 5 days ago), she decided to reconnect and we are giving the friendship another shot!

She has suggested a schedule of when is best for her to chat. I want to be respectful/mindful of her difficulties that I am willing to put her before myself, so I have agreed to it. Basically taking it at a much slower and relaxed pace and see what happens!


I also actually find coincidences to be very interesting! I started talking to her originally on Nov. 19, but we (or rather she) parted ways on Dec. 17 and she reconnected on Jan. 15. In both cases, it was 2 days before it would have been a month! So, that's something.