This might end being very long, but I truly hope that you read it. I don't open up to anyone and I figured it's finally time for me to open up on a forum or something. My life is falling apart, I'm a male sophomore in college and my life is starting to depress me beyond belief. Sometimes I just feel like I should leave my family and the little friends that I have and go as far as I can. I feel lost and helpless. I cannot deal with this terrible feeling anymore. And it's all due to my social anxiety that has led me to live the way I live. I have very low self esteem, and minimal confidence. I have very few friends, but the friends that I do have, are away for school so I have nobody to hang out with, do the things guys my age do. People say I should join this and that, get involved, but i can't find myself being able to do so. I don't know...I have never had a girlfriend, I barely even talk to girls because of my shyness. I wouldn't be surprised if people in high school thought I was gay because they never saw me talking, approaching or even being with a girl ever. I had a lot of friends in high school, but they all seem to be living their lives perfectly fine, and I haven't talked to them since the high school days. I used to be very ambitious but now I just don't care anymore, I have no motivation what so ever to study, get good grades. I only have class twice a week, the rest of it I spend locked in my room wasting countless hours on pointless websites, or watching youtube videos. That's how pointless my life has become.
My self esteem is complete garbage, I mean there are times where I think I'm pretty cool, but most of the time I just feel like an ugly, worthless guy. I wouldn't say I'm very ugly, but I don't have the hottest of looks either. I'm self conscious about my nose and height (5'7''), but my nose drives me nuts. My entire life I haven't been able to tell if a girl is interested in me because of my looks. I have never been approached or been told that I'm good looking by sober women. I get the "you're cute" a lot, but only while walking down the street during the drunken hours... Who knows, maybe girls are interested in me, I just don't seem to ever realize it.
I go out occasionally, to some parties but they're just not fun if I don't get drunk. If I am sober I just sit in the corner and not talk to anyone, I feel like such a loser even when I do go out. The only times I've hooked up with girls was when I was drunk. When I'm sober I have absolutely no balls to approach them and talk to them. Heck I don't even have the ability to talk to them even if I wanted to, my communication skills are terrible. It's very hard for me to make friends, when I'm in class I don't talk to anyone, I never participate, I'm just always scared of people.
There's just a whole ton of issues with me and I don't know how to deal with them. I am fortunate to have the things I have, but what's the point when I am not able to take advantage of the life I have. Why should I be alive and wasting this comfortable life when other people in the world are desperate and fight day and night to survive.
I don't know how to deal with this, I've read books, but they haven't helped. Day by day I feel like I'm getting into a deeper depression. What should I do? I don't know...maybe I should just fall in a ditch and see what happens.
My self esteem is complete garbage, I mean there are times where I think I'm pretty cool, but most of the time I just feel like an ugly, worthless guy. I wouldn't say I'm very ugly, but I don't have the hottest of looks either. I'm self conscious about my nose and height (5'7''), but my nose drives me nuts. My entire life I haven't been able to tell if a girl is interested in me because of my looks. I have never been approached or been told that I'm good looking by sober women. I get the "you're cute" a lot, but only while walking down the street during the drunken hours... Who knows, maybe girls are interested in me, I just don't seem to ever realize it.
I go out occasionally, to some parties but they're just not fun if I don't get drunk. If I am sober I just sit in the corner and not talk to anyone, I feel like such a loser even when I do go out. The only times I've hooked up with girls was when I was drunk. When I'm sober I have absolutely no balls to approach them and talk to them. Heck I don't even have the ability to talk to them even if I wanted to, my communication skills are terrible. It's very hard for me to make friends, when I'm in class I don't talk to anyone, I never participate, I'm just always scared of people.
There's just a whole ton of issues with me and I don't know how to deal with them. I am fortunate to have the things I have, but what's the point when I am not able to take advantage of the life I have. Why should I be alive and wasting this comfortable life when other people in the world are desperate and fight day and night to survive.
I don't know how to deal with this, I've read books, but they haven't helped. Day by day I feel like I'm getting into a deeper depression. What should I do? I don't know...maybe I should just fall in a ditch and see what happens.