Feeling like I've achieved nothing...

This is my first post here.

I’ve been feeling suicidal for the past couple of weeks. I’m constantly feeling down.
I feel like I’ve achieved nothing in my 27 years, including:

1) A car which I still owe money
2) no house
3) stuck in a dead end job, mediocre income.
4) a relationship on life support, with a lover who treats me as a friend at best. (we were together for 2 years, broke up, got back together, now she wants to “take it slow”, which entails her randomly contacting me when she feels like it)
5) retired parents (irks me to no end, watching them sit around the house all day)
6) I don’t have many friends, feeling constantly lonely. Best friends have moved away.

I feel so hopeless. Everyday I wake up feeling sick and tired. I’ve lost at least 5-10 pounds. I’m drinking heavily, I can’t fall asleep sober anymore.

My happiness is always dependent on someone else. It’s weird. I’m very dependent on my gf. If it’s not on her, then it’s on a friend. I jump to help them and when I am doing things for them I am at my happiest point of the day. It gives me a sense of worth. However, when there is nothing to do, I grow listless and desolate. I think it maybe a confidence problem.

What’s wrong with me?

Your turing into a drunk. A functioning drunk.

Alvohol is a DEPRESSENT.
YES, it numbs the pains like a fucken banage.
Its not a healthy way to cope.
You can akways go to AA....meet people.
At the very least youll break patterns.

Whatever issues or problems you have..
Eveidently alcohol isnt help.
Your definitely not drinking socially...

Itll be a ***** to try to stop...withdraws
And all kinds of crap.
But you dont have to do it alone.

Yes, telationships are difficault.

Please give yourself a break.

First things first.
Don't pump more depresent into your system.
It like running on bad fuel.
Your not seeing life clearly and getting drunk
Might give you an escape..but its not going
To improve your life.

---

There's also a pink cloud stage....
After people stop drinling
.they feel happy and on top of the world.
It varies....sometimes for weeks to years. LoL

As a 27 year old I can tell you I heartily agree with your feelings. Years are passing quickly and after each one I feel a bit more empty. Let me tell ya this, you DO have things to be thankfull for lets make a tiny list.


A: You Do have a car
B: You Do have a job
C: You Do have a relationship, though it may not work out, having one at all is a boon

I know this is such a small list but I dont know much about you and Im not trying to tell you that you should be on cloud 9, but take it from someone exactly your age going through what you are, it can be worse and will be if you dont stop it. I had my own bout with the drink a few years back, and there isnt a day that goes by I dont want to start up again. Unfortunately there are many who have been down that road and the momentary glimpses of happiness are not worth the cost, both finacially and on your state of mind. I will not tell you what to do, I will suggest that while you feel suicidal it is NEVER a good idea to be under the influence of any drugs(of the "street" variety)

I hope you start feeling better, without this site I would already be dead so take advantage of these people who are willing to help you however they are able.

Yes it's the emptiness! A loneliness I never felt before when I was younger. I'm clinging terribly onto my gf and I'm worried it might push her away. When she isn't spending time with me, I'm constantly depressed.

I'm trying not to reach for the bottle tonite. I think posting here helps, I'm able to get things off my chest that have been bottled up for a long time. I don't even have the mood to say anything when I come home from work. I haven't done any drugs, but am tempted to start smoking. A couple of friends I met smoke constantly to relieve the stress.

I agree with what AJR said. You have to turn the negatives into positives, which can be really hard to do when you are feeling so down. But they are positives and something good to focus on. Heck who cares if your parents are retired, that'll be you one day. My mom is retired, she has things she does to keep herself occupied, but she never thought she'd be able to retire.

What do you WANT to accomplish? If you could change your life around today, what would you do? I think if you sit down and think about what you really want youll realize most of it is probably pretty attainable. I mean, its not that simple. But the longer you stay stuck in that kind of negativity the harder it is to pull yourself out of it.

Not sure how familiar. With AA or support groups.
Mot sure where you. But thsts what meetings offer.
An alternative so that you dont come Ihome and
Isolate. Basically talk to people about living problem
And challenge. Yeah. That empty feelings you feel
And dont know how to cope with.

I live in the mist of alcoholism. It gets pretty bad.
Been on the giving end and receiving end of
It.
My life is a freaken mess becuase i choose
To be involved with an alcoholic.
Its not how much you drink sometimes.
Its the insanoties and chaos.
Lots of unnecessary wrackage.

I cant stop anyone from drinking.

I also know its possible to stay sober.
Not easy...but possible.
I have a choice.

Sci-Fi said:

Heck who cares if your parents are retired, that'll be you one day. My mom is retired, she has things she does to keep herself occupied, but she never thought she'd be able to retire.

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I wish they had a hobby like ur mom, it really bothers me they do nothing but sit around and sleep, while I barely get 5 hours a nite and work my ass off. I just feel they could be contributing a little more. This morning, I found all the dishes from last nite, unwashed, simply put back in the cupboard. I held a plate and actually cried. ANd I haven't cried in a long, long time

Among the Sleep said:

What do you WANT to accomplish? If you could change your life around today, what would you do?

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Thanks. I really want to repair my relationship right now. As of lately my gf and I aren't even talking. I have no mood to talk to her, and she hasn't texted me in two days. I feel like a worthless peice of trash.
2) I'd like to pay down some debt and work towards a place of my own
3) switch jobs. I hate my current job, and I can't stand it anymore.

You're right, I think it is attainable with a little more confidence and time. But things look bleak, and the horizon even darker. How can I think about being where I want to be one year from now, when I'm having trouble getting through Tonite, let alone this week??

Gross, that reminds me of my grandfather and his second wife, they used to lick the plates clean and put them back in the cupboard. My mom used to wash the dishes when we went to visit them, lol. Have you ever talked to your parents about it, ask them for a little help with small things like that?

Barely 5 hours of sleep a night? how the hell are you even holding a job and being functional? At all?

I'm amazed you are functional. I would have a break down (actually you ARE having one but it seems to have taken you a while to get there, whereas i'd be there in 2 or 3 days)

Also, please stop drinking, it'll only make your depression worse.

Sci-Fi said:

Gross, that reminds me of my grandfather and his second wife, they used to lick the plates clean and put them back in the cupboard. My mom used to wash the dishes when we went to visit them, lol. Have you ever talked to your parents about it, ask them for a little help with small things like that?

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lol, that's sick ... ur gramps could at least put used plates in the fridge or something.
I brought it up with my folks today. My dad ended up blaming it on my mom. My mom mumbled an excuse. Seems like no one really heard what I said, nor cared enough to hear

SophiaGrace said:

Barely 5 hours of sleep a night? how the hell are you even holding a job and being functional? At all?

I'm amazed you are functional. I would have a break down (actually you ARE having one but it seems to have taken you a while to get there, whereas i'd be there in 2 or 3 days)

Also, please stop drinking, it'll only make your depression worse.

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I frequently fall asleep at work and take short naps throughout the day. But yeah, I'm exhausted (you know ur exhausted when ur googling 'sleep deprivation' at work, lol). I think I've been just keeping everything bottled up inside for far too long, and now it's all starting to come out...

I'm trying to help dig our family out of debt and help everyone get by, but I think I might be in over my head here.
It sucks when you're the only one trying to improve the situation and everyone else in the family seems to be either working against you or just "standing on the sidelines".

On the plus side, I'm trying not to drink this week... day 2 now

Well, at least you talked to your parents and got that off your chest, even if you didn't get the response you would have liked to. You know what might be a good trick to try, is to get your own dishes and keep them in your room. Let your parents have gross dishes. You don't have to look after them, look after yourself and your space.

If you need to rant just do it here, let it all out. There is a diary section you can use if you don't want replies or care for people to read.

Keep up the good work on the not drinking. One day at a time.

I didn't go to work today, was too tired and needed to recharge.

I caught up on some sleep. Got a full 10 hours, which is 4 more than I normally get.

1) I started off by making a few phone calls to pay off some bills.

2) Played some games for about 2 hours.

3) Got some information about a job for my girlfriend. Decided not to call her yet though because I'm kind of pissed she's treating me like I'm non-existent this week. Only after we haven't talked for 3 days! (monday, tues, wed) did she text me and asked where I'd disappeared to. If I was in trouble, I'd be dead by now. 3 days, how inconsiderate.

4) Went for a short drive by myself.

5) Brewed a cup of coffee, with some hazelnut and sugar.

6) Did some homework for one of the online courses I was taking.

I'll admit, I'm feeling pretty lonely right now. I'm thinking whether I should contact my gf tomorrow, or not (I'm still angry she's treating me like a friend and even worse sometimes). I'm also wondering whether I should drop a course or not given my fragile state of mind. And I'm still peeved at the fact my parents walk around doing nothing while I'm working out payment plans and budgets for the next 6 months. Regardless, taking the day off work did me wonders, and I was way overdue for a rest.

Take one day at a time and treat every day as a new day with no mistakes. Sounds corny but, it got me thru some rough times. Give yourself a break once in awhile too.

You obviously don't like the situations you are into, and I 'll admit that is really doesn't sound like you're living a dream life,
BUT it's not entirely bad if you think this is not the dead end and as a 27 years old healthy young man you still have all the time in the world to turn it all around.
It might sound like I'm making things easy but life ends when it ends ....until then, there is time to change it if you don't like it, it's just hard, but definitely not impossible, so don't think there is nothing you can do to get yourself in a better situation because there is, ... the thing you have to ask yourself is how much you want to get out of there and how much strenght you are ready to invest in your "escape" .

Some people let themselves "die" because they think they do not have what it takes to change things, and while there really are people who don't have that kind of strenght, you sure look like someone who has it.

Your posts indirectly say that you already have what it takes, a certain ammount of different personal skills that you are probably not giving the right weight to.

1 to get a job and not getting fired from it means you have endurance and a pretty high sense of responsablity ( it also means that despite not liking something ( your job ) you are still ready to face it everyday for the sake of obtaining a profit out of it ( money ). ( doesn't matter if you eventually took one day off )

2 Having friends and a girlfriend means that you have ( or had anyway ) at some point in your life the necessary social skills to draw people to you and make them like you.

3 Taking satisfaction in helping other people and thinking of it as something worthy gives away that you luckily have good heart and a great empathy, and the fact that you refer to it as " the happiest point of the day" also means that you are a deep person who naturally gives priority to said type of gratifications rather than more shallow ones.

4 The fact that it "irks" you to see you parents doing nothing and living every day as if it was the same instead, it's a sign that any type of self destructing behavior,even the less serious cases such as apathy or resignation are naturally and instinctively rejected by your conscience (at least subconsciously), and that is proof that you are someone who, for his nature not only hates the idea of people destroying their life with thier own hands, but also dislikes the idea of them simply surviving instead of choosing to" live ".


I think you are someone who's naturally ( even though probably unsconciously ) very prone to "live" in the real sense of the word, fully and completely, and has all it takes to do it, but has just been discouraged by not seeing the same will in the people around and eventually as the years passed settled to follow their wrong example leading a mediocre life .

I personally think you can't sleep at night because deep inside of you you're afraid to end up like your parents, carrying on and surviving this worthless way until you're old and there will be nothing left to do for you except to look back and feel regretful to have lived an empty life.

But you don't have to worry the very same fact you fear it so much you can't sleep in peace, it's proof you will not end that way, see ? your subconcious is already rebelling to that idea.
All that is left for you to do is to do it consciently too.

You are currently unsatisfied with you life so go ahead and try to change things as much as you can : Will to live, endurance, wisdom at ayoung age, a very strong coscience... are all things that you luckily already possess and could easily help you out of the hole you unwillingly dug yourself into during these empty years.

Sit down grab a pen and make a plan, think about what you really want to do, or how you you want to end up like when you'll be 50 and try to think of how you can achive it from where you are now. ( Sounds tough huh ? but it helps to clear you mind and set objectives )

In the mean while as a side activity ( since helping others make you feel more realized ) I might suggest you to take part in a charitable organization ... there you can do what you seem to consider " worthy " and make some nice good hearted friends at the same time, talk about it to you girlfriend and join together... it might help you. If there isn't any around you try looking online or go to the nearest church I think any priest would be more than glad to help you find one.

PS
Don't start smoking, quitting ain't easy and the only think you can get from it is cancer, not stress relief.
Stop drinking that much,only idiots get drunk and you don't sound like one, start to drink less and less every day and that problem will fade away, it seems obvious to me that you drink to forget and feel better, but the same effect can be achived through other healthier solutions, go to your doctor and tell him what you have, he will give you sleeping pills or a light anti depressive that will make you feel much better than alchool, I'm trying some and it works.

I wish you the best

PPS
But in the end if I had to give you only 1 advice I would tell you this : read the Gospel, the message Jesus left to us and believe in it... it saved me and it's still doing it.

Avalon.

u are lucky. I want a gf now to kill this loneliness I feel.

why do people have to protect egos and argue who is right/wrong in a relationship?
its the process of 2 people bonding. so go ahead... contact her. clear the air. treat her like u rnt already *******.

cuz now that its gone.. im just listening to bob dylan and wondering what I was thinking....

1) A car which I still owe money

What's wrong with this? Many people purchase their cars on credit. You'll pay it off one day, but how long will this take? Make regular payments to your car and guesstimate when you'll have it paid off. Mark this day on your calendar to celebrate!

2) no house

Houses aren't necessarily great investments as many who have suffered from the housing crisis will say. Renting does have its benefits. You can move around, save on maintenance costs, renovations, etc... That stuff sounds like a lot of hassle.

3) stuck in a dead end job, mediocre income.

The only way out of this is to make calculated steps that lead to an end goal. Depending how your situation and where you want to go, you can be out of this fairly quickly or need to work it at it for a while. I'm in no position to comment on that length of time, but make sure you inform yourself with relevant career advancing advice. Visit vault.com, talk to a career counselor, find a side job on craigslist while you're looking for another job. Do whatever it takes man. Know your weaknesses. If you hate interviewing, learn to love it. Google "learn to love interviewing". Build a strong mentality. Most importantly, make sure to take small steps and have a friend to help you out. Be curt with them and say you need their help.

4) a relationship on life support, with a lover who treats me as a friend at best. (we were together for 2 years, broke up, got back together, now she wants to “take it slow”, which entails her randomly contacting me when she feels like it)

I strongly sympathize with you here. I have failed a number of (short term) relationships. I'm working on this but it is tough. As you mull over your conversations, I'd recommend writing your thoughts out. Don't get stuck in a repetitive drone of negative feelings. Try speaking to a marriage counselor for advice, regardless if you're married or not. You should know by now that guys and girls are very different. Try to be the better person and know what makes your girl happy. Understand what those things are and know how much sacrifice you'd need to make to fulfill most of her wishes. Perhaps you'd find out that you it's not that complicated after all.

5) retired parents (irks me to no end, watching them sit around the house all day)

Parents don't change. You can be a positive influence but understand the limits. Few mortals have significantly altered their parents lifestyles especially if they're retirement age.

6) I don’t have many friends, feeling constantly lonely. Best friends have moved away.

Come back to this site one in a while. Learn more and apply newfound knowledge bit by bit.