How Can I Overcome Overthinking?

Are you an overthinker? Have you experienced analysis paralysis? To me, an overthinker is a person who can be so paralyzed and buried in their own thoughts that it impedes decision-making to the point where either nothing happens, or the situation is made to seem negative when it isn't.

For example, let's say a girl that I have only met on one or two occasions, suddenly says "Hello" to me as she walks by. Here is what my brain will do in a matter of seconds:

"Why did she say Hello to me?" (Suspicion.)
"She's never said Hello to me before." (Caution.)
"I like her, but she didn't seem to want a conversation." (Disappointment.)
"Why did she not stop and talk? Was she too busy for me?" (Complaint.)
"Was she just being polite?" (Self-hate.)
"Her friends don't like me. Maybe it was their little private joke?" (Self-hate.)
"She is really pretty, but she would never go for a guy like me." (Self-hate.)

And on, and on, and on. My brain runs through every possibility in a given situation, positive and negative. Sometimes, it's a good thing. At work, if someone suggests a project or an idea for improvement, my mind runs so fast that before the team is able to start working on it, I have about 4 or 5 talking points that will be worth discussing. But I've had many talks about my over-thinking over the years.

I know that my friends are aware of my tendency to overthink, and I am well aware of how it can be irritating to the listener when this happens, particularly when the overthinking is mostly negative.

I find myself overthinking myself into inaction all the time. And inevitably, it leads to procrastination. It's like I want the perfect scenario in every decision I make, and if I can't find the perfect decision, I stop thinking about it and put the idea on ice. Partly because I'm exhausted from thinking about it, and also I have not found the perfect solution.

I've read some online tools for reducing the overthinking mind, but have you found methods that have worked for you to stop this incessant thought process?

You may be overthinking this... Sorry - had to do that.

I dunno, I don't think I do that, but I am similar in when a problem is presented I rush to start thinking about it and possible solutions, when sometimes I need to stop - step back and view the entire thing.

I guess you have to try and teach yourself to accept things such as your examples at face value until proven otherwise.

If a girl says 'hello' maybe she's just being friendly, just say hello back, smile and see what happens next. Maybe nothing, maybe it's just politeness.

Oh and as for the 'she would never go for a guy like me', we all need to stop judgeing ourselves and allow others to go for us or not, you don't know what it is about you (initially) that might attract someone to you. But a very negative and offputting attidue will be just that, offputting.

Have a think about that!

Going to follow this one closely I really would like to know how, too

I can relate. In fact, pretty much the same scenario happened to me recently.
A group of ladies at work suddenly started to say "Hello" to me, even though they hadn't for the year or two we have seen each other.
"Why did she say Hello to me?"
"She's never said Hello to me before."
"I like her, but she seems to be with that other guy"
"Was she just being polite?"
"She is really pretty, but she would never go for a guy like me."
"She probably thinks I am that other guy. Everyone likes him"

I take it a step further sometimes and have whole conversations "with her" in my mind. My brain wants to come up with the best response to any particular question/comment/whatever that comes up. I can't tell you how many times I have had "pre-conversation" conversations with various people in my mind. After the actual conversation, I have a "post-conversation" conversation where I run through a scenario where I correct the mistakes I made and analyze how I think the conversation will go with these corrections.

I have been told that only medication could fix it. Someone else told me that I need to stay too busy to be thinking as much. So far, the only way I have been able to calm the thoughts is by injecting a healthy dose of "fresia it" into the mix (ex. "Maybe she likes me, maybe she doesn't. fresia it. *shrug*". Meditation works work when I am alone.

JustSomeGal said:

Going to follow this one closely I really would like to know how, too

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ME TOO!!!!

Edward W said:

Oh and as for the 'she would never go for a guy like me', we all need to stop judgeing ourselves and allow others to go for us or not, you don't know what it is about you (initially) that might attract someone to you. But a very negative and offputting attidue will be just that, offputting.

Have a think about that!

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Thanks for the response. I'm an overthinker, so I've already thought of practically every permutation of the example I gave. I used that mental list only as an example of how my brain works in the span of maybe ten seconds. I'm not seeking help for any of the self-negative comments. I already have solutions for that. I'm more looking for ways to stop my brain from running at high speed all the freaking time.

VeganAtheist said:

I take it a step further sometimes and have whole conversations "with her" in my mind. My brain wants to come up with the best response to any particular question/comment/whatever that comes up. I can't tell you how many times I have had "pre-conversation" conversations with various people in my mind. After the actual conversation, I have a "post-conversation" conversation where I run through a scenario where I correct the mistakes I made and analyze how I think the conversation will go with these corrections.

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I have done this myself on countless occasions. In fact, while I don't do this anymore, when I was younger, I was petrified of calling someone on the phone. So I would rehearse my opening statement, and imagine possible responses to questions or comments before I made the call. If it was a plumber, for example, I would write a list of every question that I wanted to ask because without it I would forget a pertinent question and kick myself for that failure. It was exhausting.

VeganAtheist said:

Someone else told me that I need to stay too busy to be thinking as much. So far, the only way I have been able to calm the thoughts is by injecting a healthy dose of "fresia it" into the mix (ex. "Maybe she likes me, maybe she doesn't. fresia it. *shrug*". Meditation works work when I am alone.

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Being busy does seem to help me. If I'm busy with a project or a task, I don't have the time to overthink. But I'm not busy all the time, and I wish I knew of a way to calm my mind. Meditation, perhaps. I don't know. But there are times when my brain acts like I've injected it with speed. It's awesome at times, but a burden other times.

Well, instead of thinking too much about it, just go into action. You can think and think until you are blue in the face, but unless you actually DO something, you will never know what will happen.

If a girl says hello to you, say hello back. If you are walking the same way, have a go at some small talk and see where it goes. This will sound a little odd, but instead of going to every possibility, why not ask yourself if it's worth so much of your thought process. Is it worth over thinking? It is worth more than a few seconds of your time thinking about? Stop thinking and start doing. If the action is good, you will be ahead. If it's bad...well, you'll still be ahead, because you'll (hopefully) learn something from it.

Now, all that said, I do tend to over think things, but it usually has to do with my kids.

I'm a regular overthinker too and the principle of 'calcuated conversation' is well known to me. Even though it's quite obstructive to plan ahead what exactly you're going to say during dialogue (and evaluate it afterwards...). I won't even start on predicting all possible reactions of people towards my words...

I learned to make the best out of it. I caught myself carefully choosing my words beforehand just to be thrown off-track after the very first response...and I noticed I'm not that bad at improvising. I'm an articulate person when the situation demands it. But I didn't think I would be able to apply these skills in live conversation. Occasionally I get a bit shaky in these situations, but I can deal with better than expected. Practice makes perfect.

I haven't got a solution for that silent overthinking though. Trying to analyze people's body language and looks for quiet judgement of myself usually got me nowhere - but I still do it everyday. Somedays I care more and somedays less. So it's just like VeganAtheist said...indifference and a 'To-hell-with-that' attitude is all that's helping here.

Overthinking is just an application of my pessimism, because it has a lot to do with critical prediction and evaluation of a situation. And that's not exclusively a bad thing to me. Murphy's Law is omnipresent. If I would have a sudden change of mind to a happy-go-lucky attitude, I guess I would end up in trouble 24/7. So I learned to appreciate that trait of mine.

My overthinking has lead to paranoia, self-esteem & confidence issues. I have been doing considerably well for the past year with being mindful of my senses.... as soon as I am aware I am overthinking I stop and do a sense check i.e. What do I smell? What is my body temp? What do I hear? Etc. That doesn't always work but reality is crucial and its a way to evaluate what is real... conversations in the head occur way less now too. And I suggest stopping such by whatever means, I literally say "stop" out loud. I don't know if this will help ya'll but I've come a long ways, being mindful is one thing practice is another and methods working take time, so best of luck

couldnt persistent overthinking be a sign of adhd?

I'm definitely of the type to overthink. I've been told in both my gaming / work life that I tend to overthink everything. But while it may seem negative to others because it seems I'm under some sort of stress of overthinking, I actually enjoy it >_<. As long as you aren't repeatedly running into cycles of thought that go nowhere it's probably ok? The consequences of thinking out everything for me has worked extremely well in my favor so this is now something I refuse to let go of and rather something I'd want to keep as part of my identity. I tend to like thinking through all the contingencies that follow from an event or from the anticipation of an event.

When it comes to overthinking one particular person though I feel the problem in this context has less to do with the worrisome wart in us but rather our over investment in the person. When I was far lonelier I would cling to every social interaction I could have, and any person I would be able to connect with would excite me on several levels causing me to think about them more than anyone else.

As stated for a possible solution, getting busy with yourself is an answer to that. The idea is to spread your investment of interests so there's other things to think about, investing in your hobbies or other activities to make use of the 'great thinker' in us (that's how I see it lol) in other areas that need it more. Alternatively you could just increase your exposure to people and hopefully find more people you'd want to invest in to spread that investment of interest. This is a particularly useful solution if you're starting to crush on someone and it's turning into unhealthy obsessiveness with that one person. Though I'm not accusing you of doing this but if that is the case it's a useful thing to know.

I think in the end though when you've done your critical analysis of the situation you do have to come to some conclusions until further action is taken and new results appear. You have to break the cycle of thoughts with some form of statement that satisfies you and leave the unknown to the unknown possibilities. Once you practice getting to conclusions it gets a little easier to close a case before rethinking it.

TheRealCallie said:

Well, instead of thinking too much about it, just go into action.

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That would help me in areas where I procrastinate, maybe, but it won't stop the overthinking during moments of self-reflection. Sadly.

TheRealCallie said:

If a girl says hello to you, say hello back.

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I probably should have used another example. I don't have a problem talking to women. My intention with that example was to describe what happens in my brain as I am walking away from a sudden event and how I flash needlessly through 100 different possibilities in the span of a minute. It's this rapid thinking that I'd like to curtail since it is inefficient and wasteful.

TheRealCallie said:

This will sound a little odd, but instead of going to every possibility, why not ask yourself if it's worth so much of your thought process. Is it worth over thinking? It is worth more than a few seconds of your time thinking about? Stop thinking and start doing.

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When I read the sentence, "Stop thinking and start doing," that seems logical and wise, especially at the office when time is money. But in a non-office setting, I still don't know how to apply that philosophy. I guarantee you that in the next few days, something will happen that will trigger my overactive brain, and short of being a waking busy-body (filling every waking moment with tasks to avoid quiet moments when I think a lot,) I'm still not sure how to tackle the overthinking when it occurs.

Rodent said:

Overthinking is just an application of my pessimism, because it has a lot to do with critical prediction and evaluation of a situation. And that's not exclusively a bad thing to me.

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Since I'm an optimist, my overthinking is different. For me, it's like everything I encounter has a quiz of "20 Questions" attached to it where I have to speed through the questions in 10 seconds. It delays me from making decisions at work, and it tempts me into moments of self-loathing. It doesn't seem to be benefiting me in either my professional or my personal lives.

ucxb said:

I suggest stopping such by whatever means, I literally say "stop" out loud. I don't know if this will help ya'll but I've come a long ways, being mindful is one thing practice is another and methods working take time, so best of luck

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Hmm. That seems like an interesting suggestion. That might work.

johnny196775 said:

couldnt persistent overthinking be a sign of adhd?

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I'm not sure. I thought ADHD sufferers had trouble focussing on one thing. If anything, I am hyper-focused to my own detriment.

Zett said:

Alternatively you could just increase your exposure to people and hopefully find more people you'd want to invest in to spread that investment of interest. This is a particularly useful solution if you're starting to crush on someone and it's turning into unhealthy obsessiveness with that one person.

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I think being with more people is always good, but I'm not obsessing about anyone at present.

I over-think a lot. I also tend to go off on tangents before I have a chance to "challenge" my thoughts (which is my coping mechanism). A current anxiety-provoking situation could remind me of a previous anxiety-provoking situation, which reminds me of others, and so on, to the point where I forgot about the situation I'm currently facing, but I didn't get to combat the anxiety either. It doesn't lead me to feel more at ease about the current situation, but rather, I'll avoid it altogether.

Unfortunately, the over-thinking process is, of itself, anxiety-provoking. Notice how no one ever over-thinks all the good things that can happen as a result of an action. Then it wouldn't be a problem, would it?

When I notice that I'm over-thinking about something, I try to first stop myself before I start getting to the point where I start thinking about anything other than the situation at hand.

Secondly, I want to round up the main points I'm worrying about. Namely, what scares me about the situation, what's the worst outcome, what I want to happen, and what will probably happen.

Usually, I can tell what will probably happen even if my irrational thoughts cloud my vision. Let's say a person I've only met once or twice starts chatting with me.

What's probably happening is that they're bored or just feeling friendly, figured they haven't met me yet, and wanted to exchange a few words. If I just respond and expect nothing out of it, I should be fine.

I know this, but it can't be helped that I will worry. So I want to think of the worst thing that could happen, which might be that there's some malicious intent behind this person's sudden interest in me. So let's say the worst thing that could happen is that this person is playing some kind of prank on me and really isn't interested at all.

Well, doesn't that kind of make them immature or a psychopath? So why should I worry about that person? In fact, I should pity them.

So, knowing that, what scares me the most in this situation? That I'll talk to them and become really interested, only to find out that the conversation leads nowhere, and that it'll be my fault.

Well, conversations are a two way street. If I try to keep the conversation going and they're not interested, then it can't be helped. Moreover, if my honest opinion isn't interesting to them, then it's safe to say we wouldn't appreciate each others' company in the long run.

And what's the best thing that can happen, anyway? Well, we could end up having a lot in common and I'd make a new friend, which would be nice.

Now that I've reduced my million thoughts down to just two negative thoughts, one neutral thought, and one positive thought, I can challenge the negative thoughts and they won't seem nearly as likely to me anymore. Even if they do happen, I realize I don't have to make it my problem. And if I can handle the absolute worst thing that could happen, then nothing else matters anymore. I realize I should just behave like I normally would and say whatever first comes to mind.

This is all basic CBT stuff that any therapist would tell you, but I find that simplifying my thoughts and changing the way I approach them really does work for me. I used to think that over-thinking things would be what keeps me safe, and that thinking about every little thing made me more thoughtful and perceptive than the rest, but that's a dumb opinion to have. Keeping all the junk thoughts just makes your head too full of junk to function.

But the most important thing to me is not to compare the current situation with all the similar situations of the past. That's where a lot of my over-thinking comes from. "Living in the moment" means treating these situations as though you've never experienced them before and approaching them with a clean slate and a light heart. Past negative experiences can greatly affect the amount of caution you tend to take with current situations, so I find that putting them out of my head makes things a whole lot easier.

That's what I do, anyway.

I tend to overthink almost as a general rule, though probably not as much as others. My overthinking is mostly based around deciding what to do and how to do it; figuring out something I actually want to do as well as how to do it in an efficient manner is not easy, because I always wind up questioning everything and why I should even bother, even when it's a pure-profit thing.

Recently, though, my overthinking has led to actual, real stress. I've been having... well, 'personal issues' with a friend of mine I know online, with trying to help him overcome his depression and get back on the right track. It's been a year, now, and I'm definitely suffering from compassion fatigue. I shouldn't even be thinking about what to do, because there's really only decent course of action and I just need to deal with it and move on. Ironically, my desire for change and action (itself an irony, no less) drove me to stress myself out, because I wanted to find an answer to things.

I finally just gave up. What I mean by that is: I stopped thinking. I decided that since nothing was going to change at this rate, anyway, driving myself into the ground over it was pointless. I just needed to pick one course of action and roll with the punches. So I did. So I'm still helping him, only now my methods have changed.

I'm not sure if that's helpful at all. But, since overthinking so often leads to 'analysis paralysis', as the OP so eloquently put it, the logical approach to fixing the problem is to do the exact opposite thing -- take action. Stop. Thinking. Give a situation only a quick once-over to figure out how it works, absorb all the facts, figure out the pros and cons... and then do it. You might be able to practice by starting small, making little goals like 'I'm going to talk to at least two people today'. You can do your thinking after the action is complete.

Boil it down to basest simplicity -- if a first analysis and objective facts of a situation reveal no good reason why NOT to do something, then do it. Heck, do it for no other reason than to be able to say that you did something today. And if, upon retrospection after the fact, you decide--even for a second--that you genuinely liked doing it, then do it again. Reserve your thoughts for how to do things better, not why you should do them. Let your natural forethought and hindsight do its job.

I over think about women because I know deep down they aren't interested. I get desperate, I want something good to happen this century so when simple things happen, I over think and analyse
hoping that a simple smile or an hello means something. Or they are ignoring me because of shyness ! Crap like that.

I'd say I'm an overthinker. This is because I tend to want very specific results. So I ponder my words and actions and try to come up with the most perfect way to get what I'm after. Unfortunately, it also means I do things very slowly.

Hey Case, what I believe you are doing is called ruminating, going over the same subject over and over again without any viable outcome? I don't know if someone had already told you this because you had many posts and I didn't read them all.
Anyways, I do the same thing, which I think a lot of people with anxiety/depression do or people that are very socially aware.
My counsellor gave me a few tips that have helped me for the last month or so, first say what your thinking out loud. I know it might sound mad to talk to yourself but when you say something in your head continuously it loses all meaning. I've said a few things out loud that I have been ruminating over and realised how stupid I was for getting so worked up over it!

Also consider the worst case scenario of what you are thinking about, so for you it would be to ask this girl out, right? I'm guessing the worst thing that could happen would be for her to say no. Then what.... You will feel hurt for a while and continue with your life. It may also knock you confidence but what you are already doing by overthinking is knocking your confidence anyways. I think self hate can be so much more detrimental to ones mental health than anything anyone else can say.

The last one I can give you is a lot more easier said than done, but with time it will become easier.
Redirect you thoughts, so instead of dwelling on a subject you don't feel comfortable taking action on, try and do something else .i.e I take my dog out or listen to music, read a book, talk to a friends on the phone normally after time I can come up with a solution or forget the thing I was so obsessive with.
I hope this makes sense, I have a habit of writing posts filled with gibberish.
If you need to talk anymore of the subject I can listen and help (try!).

Goodluck

Case said:

Are you an overthinker? Have you experienced analysis paralysis? To me, an overthinker is a person who can be so paralyzed and buried in their own thoughts that it impedes decision-making to the point where either nothing happens, or the situation is made to seem negative when it isn't.

For example, let's say a girl that I have only met on one or two occasions, suddenly says "Hello" to me as she walks by. Here is what my brain will do in a matter of seconds:

"Why did she say Hello to me?" (Suspicion.)
"She's never said Hello to me before." (Caution.)
"I like her, but she didn't seem to want a conversation." (Disappointment.)
"Why did she not stop and talk? Was she too busy for me?" (Complaint.)
"Was she just being polite?" (Self-hate.)
"Her friends don't like me. Maybe it was their little private joke?" (Self-hate.)
"She is really pretty, but she would never go for a guy like me." (Self-hate.)

And on, and on, and on. My brain runs through every possibility in a given situation, positive and negative. Sometimes, it's a good thing. At work, if someone suggests a project or an idea for improvement, my mind runs so fast that before the team is able to start working on it, I have about 4 or 5 talking points that will be worth discussing. But I've had many talks about my over-thinking over the years.

I know that my friends are aware of my tendency to overthink, and I am well aware of how it can be irritating to the listener when this happens, particularly when the overthinking is mostly negative.

I find myself overthinking myself into inaction all the time. And inevitably, it leads to procrastination. It's like I want the perfect scenario in every decision I make, and if I can't find the perfect decision, I stop thinking about it and put the idea on ice. Partly because I'm exhausted from thinking about it, and also I have not found the perfect solution.

I've read some online tools for reducing the overthinking mind, but have you found methods that have worked for you to stop this incessant thought process?

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this is probably not what you want to hear but I doubt there is better advice:

You "might" suffer from social anxiety, lowered self-esteem, social exclusion or maybe melancholia. But I know nothing about you, just guessing.


Issues you described are very common and normal. If you want to do smt. about it talk to specialist, who deal with such issues. Either psychologist or life coach. Psychologist you can easily find in your area, life coaches here: www.coachmefree.com

The most important thing now is to take action.

Have you looked into mindfulness meditation? Even if you don't meditate it teaches you to stay in the present and not let your mind wander. This really is the key to being happy. It might sound new agey but... my favorite book on this subject is "the power of now". The author suggests literally that you have two parts to YOU... the mind and the brain. The mind is actually you... the brain is actually something that is not good for you and actively works to hurt you every day, mostly by over thinking. He refers to it as the "ego". Once I started looking at those thoughts as not produced by "me" but produced by some entity that was trying to hurt me... it was AMAZINGLY easy just to hear them, but not hear them. To just set them aside.

He talks about how most people are closely associated with their mind and brain and cannot differentiate between the two. The brain controls their mind and the have no idea that the can break the link. He talks about how close association between the two leads to all kinds of bad things.

So when a girl says hello
"Why did she say Hello to me?" (Suspicion.)
*you mind activates and says.. ha ha... ego, you are just trying to trip me up -- I don't have to listen to you... and I won't.*

you respond ... hello how are you... and focus on what she is saying to you.

If you have ever seen the matrix, it is obvious that movie was lifted from many Buddhist teachings. The matrix is your "bad thoughts" you ego keeping you trapped. Free you mind.

I agree with the OP that overthinking and self-hate appear to go hand-in-hand. I'm constantly on the lookout for changes in people's tone of voice and body language that would indicate a change in attitude towards me. It's a rare day where I'm capable of switching off and not caring.

For example there's a guy I just met who I've been chatting with in the breaks, and we seemed to get along, have quite a bit in common, but haven't seen him the last couple of days so of course my first thoughts are "he's tired of me already", "he thinks I'm an idiot", "I won't be seeing him again unless by accident". Now a rational, balanced person with a life wouldn't think that way or care.

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ucxb said:

My overthinking has lead to paranoia, self-esteem & confidence issues. I have been doing considerably well for the past year with being mindful of my senses.... as soon as I am aware I am overthinking I stop and do a sense check i.e. What do I smell? What is my body temp? What do I hear? Etc. That doesn't always work but reality is crucial and its a way to evaluate what is real... conversations in the head occur way less now too. And I suggest stopping such by whatever means, I literally say "stop" out loud. I don't know if this will help ya'll but I've come a long ways, being mindful is one thing practice is another and methods working take time, so best of luck

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I've tried but have never been able to stop my mind from jumping to every negative conclusion possible about a situation. So far being aware of it doesn't do a **** thing to change it.

If anything the solution seems to be having other people around, plenty of distractions, not being left alone with your thoughts.