grosslonelyguy
Member
Hey all.
I suck at intros and I hate them, but I shall try to make one.
I'm a 20 year old guy living in Nottingham. Just finished failing my first year of college.
I moved to Nottingham in the UK during September of 2012.
Safe to say, the only difference between living in Oman and England(Where I was born) is that there are more Europeans, more irresponsible behaviour and less sand.
Even tho I live here, where wherever you look, you see somebody hanging out with their 12 to 700million buddies and even tho I've been to college and high school, I am completely isolated and alone.
There are many days in a week where I wake up in bed and stay in bed till I go to sleep cause there's literally nothing to do. I have no job cause the UK is racist, and whoever even looks slightly ethnic is marginalised and discriminated against, and it is seen as heroic to be racist.
I have no friends at all. I live in a house with my narcissistic bipolar big brother and his girlfriend but I avoid them completely cause it is unnecessary trouble just waiting to happen.
I never had friends my entire life and my entire family hate each other, so no luck in family either.
I have always been isolated and marginalised. Earliest I can remember is from kindergarten, when I went to the playground and my class mates were there, playing. Whenever I wanted to join somebody, they would go somewhere else. Eventually, it lead to all my classmates getting mad at me, and yelling at me to "Go die cause you're creepy and nobody likes you".
I did not fit into highschool either cause I was "The British guy" in a Pakistani school. You can imagine what happened there.
Then I fell into depression after my mother ran away and I have it till now.
I lived in filth, boredom and depression for all my childhood.
Nobody figured that there was anything wrong. They all think I'm an arrogant ****** who thinks he's too good for anybody when whats really there is that I feel like I'm sitting by death's door every single day, wondering when it's alright to knock. All I want is to die.
When people look at me, I can see the disgust in their faces, cause it is a bit too obvious...
I've never held a date for longer than 5 minutes cause they'd all run away (literally) at the sight of me.
When I joined college I was euphoric cause my dad promised me that when I join, I will lead the life of an ordinary young guy. Never happened. Instead this mean b**** told me that I'm creepy, my face is hideous and a joke and that she wishes I never showed up. Ever. She told me that the class used to be a cool place until I showed up and ruined everything.
Since then, my college attendance has been extremely bad. Assignments were piling up and I f ailed everything.
The last few weeks of college I spent at home, playing video games on my laptop. During those days were the days I knew my heart has turned into stone and I hated everybody.
The only way I deal with all the stress and depression that piles up on me is by blowing money my dad gives me (He lives in Dubai with the other members of my family).
I hate life. I can already see where my face sags from all the frowning.
When I see people give me the hateful stares they give, I just think "Yeah, yeah.. I know. I also wish I can just completely disappear."
I don't know what to do anymore. I've been to therapists and they're all so lousy.[/font]
I suck at intros and I hate them, but I shall try to make one.
I'm a 20 year old guy living in Nottingham. Just finished failing my first year of college.
I moved to Nottingham in the UK during September of 2012.
Safe to say, the only difference between living in Oman and England(Where I was born) is that there are more Europeans, more irresponsible behaviour and less sand.
Even tho I live here, where wherever you look, you see somebody hanging out with their 12 to 700million buddies and even tho I've been to college and high school, I am completely isolated and alone.
There are many days in a week where I wake up in bed and stay in bed till I go to sleep cause there's literally nothing to do. I have no job cause the UK is racist, and whoever even looks slightly ethnic is marginalised and discriminated against, and it is seen as heroic to be racist.
I have no friends at all. I live in a house with my narcissistic bipolar big brother and his girlfriend but I avoid them completely cause it is unnecessary trouble just waiting to happen.
I never had friends my entire life and my entire family hate each other, so no luck in family either.
I have always been isolated and marginalised. Earliest I can remember is from kindergarten, when I went to the playground and my class mates were there, playing. Whenever I wanted to join somebody, they would go somewhere else. Eventually, it lead to all my classmates getting mad at me, and yelling at me to "Go die cause you're creepy and nobody likes you".
I did not fit into highschool either cause I was "The British guy" in a Pakistani school. You can imagine what happened there.
Then I fell into depression after my mother ran away and I have it till now.
I lived in filth, boredom and depression for all my childhood.
Nobody figured that there was anything wrong. They all think I'm an arrogant ****** who thinks he's too good for anybody when whats really there is that I feel like I'm sitting by death's door every single day, wondering when it's alright to knock. All I want is to die.
When people look at me, I can see the disgust in their faces, cause it is a bit too obvious...
I've never held a date for longer than 5 minutes cause they'd all run away (literally) at the sight of me.
When I joined college I was euphoric cause my dad promised me that when I join, I will lead the life of an ordinary young guy. Never happened. Instead this mean b**** told me that I'm creepy, my face is hideous and a joke and that she wishes I never showed up. Ever. She told me that the class used to be a cool place until I showed up and ruined everything.
Since then, my college attendance has been extremely bad. Assignments were piling up and I f ailed everything.
The last few weeks of college I spent at home, playing video games on my laptop. During those days were the days I knew my heart has turned into stone and I hated everybody.
The only way I deal with all the stress and depression that piles up on me is by blowing money my dad gives me (He lives in Dubai with the other members of my family).
I hate life. I can already see where my face sags from all the frowning.
When I see people give me the hateful stares they give, I just think "Yeah, yeah.. I know. I also wish I can just completely disappear."
I don't know what to do anymore. I've been to therapists and they're all so lousy.[/font]
