TheSolitaryMan
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Hey lads and lassies. An obligatory bi-yearly "I don't understand dating" post by TSM. I hope I find you all well
Soooo I've been on lots of dates the last couple of years. And I've heard the refrain lots now that "Women aren't hard to understand, you just have to pay attention and listen."
Well, I'm going to call nonsense on that. And this isn't just a rant on girls, I'm sure guys are equally insane and hard to read. But my goodness, I've paid plenty of attention and 90% of the behaviour girls show me just totally leaves me confused (and usually nursing a battered ego).
Part 1: Girls who blatantly, utterly seem to fancy me...don't?
I'm not easily lead into flirtation. I tend to regard things as friendly unless a girl is rather forward. So imagine my surprise when last year a female friend of mine came and sat with me in a bar, and casually put her hand on my thigh. We were all a bit tipsy, I found her attractive and I started flirting quite heavily with her.
Anyway in the end we were literally snuggled up together on a sofa and I kissed her forehead. Her friends all shot her a weird look and I felt a bit worried I'd gone too far.
Well actually it turned out it was a look of encouragement. After she'd left they all excitedly told me she's fancied me for a year and they started encouraging me to keep going. So I did.
We met up in a group a few times over a couple of weeks and each time had great fun. She was always super flirty with me, and her friends kept egging me on. So on the same evening she'd been joking about "stripping off" with me, I gave her my number and then asked her out for dinner.
"Yeah, I'm not dating right now. I'm not over my ex."
I...er...okay, I guess? I mean, if a girl doesn't want to date me, that's totally cool. But then...why flirt like crazy with me for 2 weeks? Why have your friends you live with telling me to ask you out? Whaaaaaa...? o_0
This has happened a bunch of times (though this was the most blatant) and it's got to the point where a girl could literally get naked in front of me alone and I still wouldn't buy that she's into me. And I'm not even kidding. It's totally annihilated my confidence in understanding when people find me attractive :club:
Part 2: Girls who know I'm single talk to me about "hot" guys they barely know and lament being single.
Perhaps this is a classic "friend-zone" thing but again it's driving me crazy. I'll be around a girl I fancy and I've known for say, a year, and she's got out of a relationship (which is why I never asked her out) or has brought up how she's single. We'll be hanging out and she'll start talking about this cute guy at the bar or at work today and how ultra hot he is and how she's tired of being single.
Cool, I guess? Go talk to the cute guy at the bar/work/blah instead of me, then?
Again, I honestly can't tell if this is a "girls trying to make me jealous" thing or a "girls have zero interest and literally see me as another girl". The latter thought makes me feel completely emasculated and generally crappy. The former is just irritating.
If I'm talking to a girl, even if I don't fancy her, I don't start talking about how I want to smash the daylights out of the hottie sitting behind her. It's just crass and impolite IMO. Yet I've been out for a testing-the-waters coffee or even dinner with a girl and she's started telling me about "how hot that guy at the back of the room is". It perplexes me. What kind of reaction does she even want?
I've even had a friend-girl tell me (back when I was fairly buff) that she wishes she could get "a big guy who works out". Again, I find that confusing. Am I meant to take it as a hint (which seems very arrogant of me, because I'm not Arnie Schwarz), or am I just getting baited into being a surrogate girlfriend again? Because advising women you like on what other guys they should be having sex with feels really shitty, take it from me...!
What do you guys think? How do you normally see these kinds of confusing behaviours? Is it just me being socially inept? Would love some thoughts
Soooo I've been on lots of dates the last couple of years. And I've heard the refrain lots now that "Women aren't hard to understand, you just have to pay attention and listen."
Well, I'm going to call nonsense on that. And this isn't just a rant on girls, I'm sure guys are equally insane and hard to read. But my goodness, I've paid plenty of attention and 90% of the behaviour girls show me just totally leaves me confused (and usually nursing a battered ego).
Part 1: Girls who blatantly, utterly seem to fancy me...don't?
I'm not easily lead into flirtation. I tend to regard things as friendly unless a girl is rather forward. So imagine my surprise when last year a female friend of mine came and sat with me in a bar, and casually put her hand on my thigh. We were all a bit tipsy, I found her attractive and I started flirting quite heavily with her.
Anyway in the end we were literally snuggled up together on a sofa and I kissed her forehead. Her friends all shot her a weird look and I felt a bit worried I'd gone too far.
Well actually it turned out it was a look of encouragement. After she'd left they all excitedly told me she's fancied me for a year and they started encouraging me to keep going. So I did.
We met up in a group a few times over a couple of weeks and each time had great fun. She was always super flirty with me, and her friends kept egging me on. So on the same evening she'd been joking about "stripping off" with me, I gave her my number and then asked her out for dinner.
"Yeah, I'm not dating right now. I'm not over my ex."
I...er...okay, I guess? I mean, if a girl doesn't want to date me, that's totally cool. But then...why flirt like crazy with me for 2 weeks? Why have your friends you live with telling me to ask you out? Whaaaaaa...? o_0
This has happened a bunch of times (though this was the most blatant) and it's got to the point where a girl could literally get naked in front of me alone and I still wouldn't buy that she's into me. And I'm not even kidding. It's totally annihilated my confidence in understanding when people find me attractive :club:
Part 2: Girls who know I'm single talk to me about "hot" guys they barely know and lament being single.
Perhaps this is a classic "friend-zone" thing but again it's driving me crazy. I'll be around a girl I fancy and I've known for say, a year, and she's got out of a relationship (which is why I never asked her out) or has brought up how she's single. We'll be hanging out and she'll start talking about this cute guy at the bar or at work today and how ultra hot he is and how she's tired of being single.
Cool, I guess? Go talk to the cute guy at the bar/work/blah instead of me, then?
Again, I honestly can't tell if this is a "girls trying to make me jealous" thing or a "girls have zero interest and literally see me as another girl". The latter thought makes me feel completely emasculated and generally crappy. The former is just irritating.
If I'm talking to a girl, even if I don't fancy her, I don't start talking about how I want to smash the daylights out of the hottie sitting behind her. It's just crass and impolite IMO. Yet I've been out for a testing-the-waters coffee or even dinner with a girl and she's started telling me about "how hot that guy at the back of the room is". It perplexes me. What kind of reaction does she even want?
I've even had a friend-girl tell me (back when I was fairly buff) that she wishes she could get "a big guy who works out". Again, I find that confusing. Am I meant to take it as a hint (which seems very arrogant of me, because I'm not Arnie Schwarz), or am I just getting baited into being a surrogate girlfriend again? Because advising women you like on what other guys they should be having sex with feels really shitty, take it from me...!
What do you guys think? How do you normally see these kinds of confusing behaviours? Is it just me being socially inept? Would love some thoughts