eventually they didnt work out, i was happy and somewhat was ok, still depressed and lonely for the most part, but as months past by my ex would randomly text or call me checking up on me or to say hi etc, she called crying a few times i think. i was like whoa, i figured it had to do with a guy or feeling lonely. but it did make me happy and i guess gave me false hopes.
she seemed to have given me signs that she still had feeling and an interest of a rekindle, thats what i thought but didnt want to believe. for a time i started feeling good towards her and thought we may actually do something again. well a couple days ago, 12/30 i think. we decided to get lunch, and it was nice. was. and she brought up topics about us and love that would of been way better left unsaid. besides catching up, still seeing how much a loser i am (i say), she seemed very uninterested and i sensed tension. for what tho, i was trying to have a good time with her, but i guess she couldnt not bring these things up, i think her reason is try to push me away idk. she said she wish i didnt love her...... as much as i do. but she asked me if i had found love or looked for or had luck on tinder, all no. she was surprised, psh. i asked, how about you. like an idiot trying to be nice. she said there were 2 guys she talked to, i only knew of the one i had previously mentioned in my first post. yeah what ever, beautiful free spirited women im not surprised for her. she had to tell me the 2nd guy,
that she went up to him and asked "have you been waiting for me?" like some love at first sight bullshit, how mystical. he said yes of course, any guy would respond positively to pretty girl going up and talking to them. they didnt work out either but they possibly could she says, she looked like she still wanted to, i asked if she liked him-no.
but also he was a very bad alcoholic so prob wont work? idk hope not honestly.. i want the best for her and for her to be happy, not with another guy unfortunately but thats what'll it be. never me again, pretty sure thats a quote....
well while talking she mentioned during a trip we took she felt anxious, i told her i felt anxious during another trip we took, but she was way more anxious than me that time to, but truth is she looked how i felt. we were at a festival and i was sooooo anxious, it definitely affected her....
so she said when we started dating is when she started becoming anxious and have hives from eczema. pretty much a lower quality in life. and i knew it..
i was the anxious one who pretended to be outgoing cool guy... fake till you make it? i tried but it drained me so much i had to be honest about it. she likes me less n less the more she knew me, as everyone does. because of me we did less, didnt go out, she gained weight (like i care but she complains about it, for no reason she looks amazing), got itchy/more health issues and anxiety. she says after we broke up all these issues are gone and shes great, so happy and better without me..................
huh....
im so messed up, i messed her up. im cancer. i lowered her quality of life, made it worse.......
knowing that i do this to people... kills me..
also im 25 to whoever asked