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Obsession/Stalker relationship
#11
I had a friend that was obsessed with me, she'd follow me around at school but as far as I know she didn't stalk me.  I'm sure if social media was as prevalent as it is now she may have.  She had a huge crush on me and wouldn't take no for an answer.  We were friends as that is as far as our relationship was going to go.  I could tolerate her as a friend to a point but not as a girlfriend.  So was...no still is so self absorbed,  she can't go one minute without complaining how bad her life is or how horrible she's had it.  She was so needy and clingy too.  Even when she asks about you she will compare herself to you and say how much worse she has it.  She was bullied when she was younger but it isn't an excuse for her personality.  I was bullied too but didn't go crying about it to make myself seem worse off than her.  I'd known her since the second grade and knew of some to the crap she grew up with, so I guess in a way I gave her a pass on being the way she was.  I was much more tolerant of her than a lot of people were because I was raised that way.  When we were little she wasn't so bad it wasn't until we got older.

To get rid of her...oh this is where it gets bad.  Seeing as she couldn't take no for an answer and couldn't just be happy with being friends, I had to not be friends with her.  I stopped talking to her, I ignored her, I acted like she wasn't even around, which still DIDN'T WORK!  It got to the point, after one incident, some of our other female friends, who really couldn't stand her, started to get mean.  One made up a game called, make a wish on a fish, where she'd toss penny's at the girl.  I should mention we were teenagers at the time so not the best way or most mature way to handle things.   But not even that got rid of her, she still hung around me trying to talk to me.   She still wanted to date me because my brother and a friend played an April Fools joke on her once telling her I was just embarrassed to admit I liked her.  She started acting all weird around me and trying to be flirty and stuff.  I found out what happened and made my brother and friend tell her the truth.  That didn't really stop her though, she still kind of believed their joke wasn't totally a joke.  Eventually one day when one of my friends was bouncing a slightly flat basketball off the wall it went wild and hit the girl in the face.  She stormed off crying, some went to make sure she was alright and the girl who hit her felt horrible because it was honestly an accident.  But that seemed to be the last straw and she finally stopped hanging around.

She had damaged our long time friendship forever.  Even years later when I let  it all go and stopped holding it against her, I couldn't talk to her.  She hadn't changed in all those years, she was and still is the exact same needy, self absorbed person.  Unfortunately she's had some medical issues and either had a stroke or suffered a bad seizure, I don't remember what it was.  She's still the same though, my brother was talking to her and all she did was complain about her life. 

That's my obsessed person story.
_______________________________________________________________________
Sickos never scare me. Least they're committed.  
Never Give Up!  Never Surrender!

[Image: 8C7Zu7.gif]
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#12
(12-31-2018, 09:29 AM)Jessicat Wrote:
(12-31-2018, 07:55 AM)BadGuy Wrote: Probably all obsesions are connected to mental health
Much like a drug addict ....not good for themselves but still need it

So when I am dead in a ditch he will probably look for someone else huh? 
Guess I’m taking it a bit too far but you get it

He probably has moved on to another victim 
Unfortunately you are still a victim too 
Hopefully a meteor falls on this predator
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#13
(12-31-2018, 02:09 PM)Joturbo Wrote: Yea has happened to me when I was 24.Got a good job in a private company and was just finding my feet with the work and the people.Two months in girl opposite starting saying such and such her mate in adjoining office separated by perspex wanted to date me and that I should go out with her see how we get on.I had already told her that I was engaged and was just laid back about it because was really enjoying the work and trying to focus as well. But over the course of a month just got worse so just told her flat I didn't fancy her and just wasn't interested and to basically sort it because it was affecting my work.Next thing I know she's bloody weeping in the office with some other colleague consoling her whilst giving me daggers wtf and girl opposite started being arsey with me.Its bit of a blur after that but I left for another job but remember feeling bloody uncomfortable.It was a good job too with if promoted I got to travel so thinking back am a bit pi##ed off with the missed opportunity.

Was nothing compared to you Jessicat really sorry you gone through this ...did your parents ever get involved?

Thanks for sharing that. It is super uncomfortable for sure. Got to say that I would be pissed off if some chick was fucking up my job too!
I see my problem the same way, this is something I never asked for. I never initiated any contact with this person, he was a friend of my brother so naturally I saw him around but I never wanted anything from him. I was quite young when this started so in that age you really aren’t mature enough to even think about boys. 
My parents were not involved in my upbringing, I did that myself and with help from my brother. My mom was a horrible parent and my father wasn’t interested in being there.
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#14
The best way to deal with this is to be self confident about being able to defend yourself. Learn brasilian jiu jitsu and choke him if things get bad.

Some men, and i guess women, can't accept that you don't belong to them, it never happened to me but I was quite involved in a similar matter.
Jealousy, psycho behaviors, perhaps he is obsessed with you just because he finds you attractive and "Unreachable"
"The journey never ends"
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#15
(12-31-2018, 02:56 PM)Sci-Fi Wrote: I had a friend that was obsessed with me, she'd follow me around at school but as far as I know she didn't stalk me.  I'm sure if social media was as prevalent as it is now she may have.  She had a huge crush on me and wouldn't take no for an answer.  We were friends as that is as far as our relationship was going to go.  I could tolerate her as a friend to a point but not as a girlfriend.  So was...no still is so self absorbed,  she can't go one minute without complaining how bad her life is or how horrible she's had it.  She was so needy and clingy too.  Even when she asks about you she will compare herself to you and say how much worse she has it.  She was bullied when she was younger but it isn't an excuse for her personality.  I was bullied too but didn't go crying about it to make myself seem worse off than her.  I'd known her since the second grade and knew of some to the crap she grew up with, so I guess in a way I gave her a pass on being the way she was.  I was much more tolerant of her than a lot of people were because I was raised that way.  When we were little she wasn't so bad it wasn't until we got older.

To get rid of her...oh this is where it gets bad.  Seeing as she couldn't take no for an answer and couldn't just be happy with being friends, I had to not be friends with her.  I stopped talking to her, I ignored her, I acted like she wasn't even around, which still DIDN'T WORK!  It got to the point, after one incident, some of our other female friends, who really couldn't stand her, started to get mean.  One made up a game called, make a wish on a fish, where she'd toss penny's at the girl.  I should mention we were teenagers at the time so not the best way or most mature way to handle things.   But not even that got rid of her, she still hung around me trying to talk to me.   She still wanted to date me because my brother and a friend played an April Fools joke on her once telling her I was just embarrassed to admit I liked her.  She started acting all weird around me and trying to be flirty and stuff.  I found out what happened and made my brother and friend tell her the truth.  That didn't really stop her though, she still kind of believed their joke wasn't totally a joke.  Eventually one day when one of my friends was bouncing a slightly flat basketball off the wall it went wild and hit the girl in the face.  She stormed off crying, some went to make sure she was alright and the girl who hit her felt horrible because it was honestly an accident.  But that seemed to be the last straw and she finally stopped hanging around.

She had damaged our long time friendship forever.  Even years later when I let  it all go and stopped holding it against her, I couldn't talk to her.  She hadn't changed in all those years, she was and still is the exact same needy, self absorbed person.  Unfortunately she's had some medical issues and either had a stroke or suffered a bad seizure, I don't remember what it was.  She's still the same though, my brother was talking to her and all she did was complain about her life. 

That's my obsessed person story.

That’s just the thing isn’t it. You keep saying no over and over, you say it in a hundred different ways but still it isn’t really sinking into their brain. I think that in my situation he knows how much he is hurting me and that may be a thing that drives him forward. Making me cry have always felt like one of his goals, not just about the physical pain but the mental as well. The notion of breaking me and shaping me to fit him. At least that’s what it felt like when I was young. 
And as a respons to your story: I think people that have that negativity around themself and life in general tends to suck out all the air in me. It must have been exhausting trying to be friends with her. I don’t mind taking about how much life sucks sometimes but always digging myself a pity hole just isn’t helpful at all. Think it’s very important to find some joy to hold on to, no matter how small it may seem. Like right now when I’m writing this I hear birds singing and fighting over the food I left out for them. 🌈 I guess we all are different. Some people just don’t fit together at all, making a forced relationship hurtful to both of them.
Thanks for sharing your story and making me feel comfortable sharing mine. This is something that I have wanted to talk about since I got to this site. Feels nice to finally get some of my thoughts out. 
And that goes to all of you that is reading my words. It means a lot to me, the notion of you wanting to listen to what I have to say. Long and warm hug to all of you. ❤️
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#16
(12-31-2018, 09:20 PM)Unix Wrote: The best way to deal with this is to be self confident about being able to defend yourself. Learn brasilian jiu jitsu and choke him if things get bad.

Some men, and i guess women, can't accept that you don't belong to them, it never happened to me but I was quite involved in a similar matter.
Jealousy, psycho behaviors, perhaps he is obsessed with you just because he finds you attractive and "Unreachable"

I think learning how to wield a knife properly would feel nice. 
I hope you get your black belt fast. 🥳
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#17
(12-31-2018, 09:29 AM)Jessicat Wrote:
(12-31-2018, 07:55 AM)BadGuy Wrote: Probably all obsesions are connected to mental health
Much like a drug addict ....not good for themselves but still need it

So when I am dead in a ditch he will probably look for someone else huh? 
Guess I’m taking it a bit too far but you get my point. 🌈

I don't think you can be too careful with something like this. I just read a story about a girl murdered by an ex. She reported it to the college police and the city police and neither one really did anything. He shot and killed her a month later.
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#18
(12-31-2018, 10:17 PM)Jessicat Wrote:
(12-31-2018, 09:20 PM)Unix Wrote: The best way to deal with this is to be self confident about being able to defend yourself. Learn brasilian jiu jitsu and choke him if things get bad.

Some men, and i guess women, can't accept that you don't belong to them, it never happened to me but I was quite involved in a similar matter.
Jealousy, psycho behaviors, perhaps he is obsessed with you just because he finds you attractive and "Unreachable"

I think learning how to wield a knife properly would feel nice. 
I hope you get your black belt fast. 🥳

I don't really like knives, you know Toungue however knowing how to manage one is a good thing. Too bad is illegal to carry them around Sad

A fast black belt? What fun there is in achieving mastery fast? It will take at least a decade. But is a good thing. 
Btw chokes are awesome, I passed out last week cause I thought I was able to resist the pressure. Human are fragile after all. Bjj is quite an humbling experience
"The journey never ends"
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#19
Then I hope you get a slow black belt? 😂
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#20
No-one's ever been obsessed with me like that, but as dodgy as it sounds I can try and look at is from the stalker's perspective. Low self-esteem, narcissism (a manifestation of low self-esteem), and the feeling of a lack of control over one's own life. A lot of us take rejection too personally seeing it as symbolic of a general failure in life, hence the inability to move on. Low self-esteem basically. I've continued to google women's names, sometimes years later. Not proud of it. But when in involves contact it's clear this person has zero concern for the effect their behaviour is having. And of course it's more sinister given his unhealthy interest in a minor.

Confronting him will just let him continue with his delusions. Change you social media account names and try and make your friends/family aware of the situation in case he tries to get at you through them.
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