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First Post
Hello members of this forum,

I dont know what to say or why i am here but i will introduce myself.
I am a 20 year old male living in holland and i work in IT.

I have lots of people around me and people who come by regularly but i still feel alone.
When it comes to social construct i am allways at the bottom.
In groups of friends im allways the one who gets teased and called names altough i act like i dont care or turn it into a joke.

I have a decent job to support myself altough i work 32 hours to get trough the week.
I still feel worthless and i have nothing to live for. i hate myself and my place in society.

I feel like im trapped i dont want te be social with my "Friends" but im forcing myself to go because i am too afraid to just cut off contact imidiatly also i work with one of them.

I wish i could just close my windows and doors stay inside and never come out. I dont want to be part of this world anymore and just rot away at home.

Thank you for spending your time reading this its a bit long.
TLDR: Just another loser with a story.
Hi Hectate2,

I'm sorry to hear you have a tough time with your friends. But it sounds like they really get to you. Could you maybe talk to your friends about how they're making you feel? If they truly care about you, then they should understand, and might cut you a little slack. Personally, I think that it's better to be comfortable with your own company, than to be in the company of people who make you feel bad.

Anyway, welcome to the forum.
To quote a popular werewolf film - 'Everyone's cursed.  It's called life'
Those so-called friends of yours sounds like a bunch of assholes.
Talking to them about how they make your feel might be a solution but that depends on if you think they will be open to listening.
You deserve better friends. 
How are you feeling today?
Hi Hectate.

I used to be friends with people like that. But took the whole 'rather be alone than in bad company' route.
You deserve to be treated with more respect than that! Sure it might get lonely, but you don't have to put up with that kind of rubbish.

Welcome to the forum though, I hope to see you around!
(02-12-2019, 08:01 PM)Valkatox Wrote: 'rather be alone than in bad company'
Yup, fuck those guys.

Anyway, welcome Hectate

What branch of IT, if you don't mind me asking?
Hectate2 Wrote:I dont want to be part of this world anymore and just rot away at home.
Yeah, that sounds awfully similar to certain someone with a mecha avatar. Don't want to point any fingers, because I'd rather keep my eyes intact.
Well, hopefully being part of this forum will make you feel better.

See ya around
Crowd control situation! *machine gun fire intensifies*
I want to thank everyone for their replies,

I am totally stuck and dont know what to do. They can be total assholes but they also can be very nice to me i dont know. its far from my only problem besides being depressed for years and i had a horrible childhood. im not sure if im ready to talk about that now maybe someday.

@x-1 I work as a skilled servicedesk guy. I deal with people's stupid questions and complains. Also do server maintanace etc a bit of everything.

I dont know what to do anymore. im working 32 hours nowadays i cant handle 40 anymore but i have 0 money left after food every month. i dont know what to do about my friends and what direction i want to go in life.
I'm actually looking forward to be able to seclude myself.
Don't seclude yourself because that will just make things stay the same, feeling worthless hating your life and your place in society.

If your self esteem improved people would respond to you more favorably, but that's easier said than done. I wish I had answers for you.
Contentment comes from within.  Do not seek it from outside yourself.

Ok Hectate 2.  While others try kindly to offer you coworker advice that's fine, allow me to add a different perspective on your situation.
I've had many jobs in life, from low class labor jobs to professional positions with authority, and with these jobs have come  different working environments - some being positive with friendly, supportive people, and others being negative with back stabbing, unappreciative ones.  In most cases, I was able to find some fun or satisfaction with my work despite the attitudes of coworkers and bosses around me; and in the 2 cases when I landed into jobs that I absolutely hated, I took the initiative to sidestep into completely new jobs and careers.  These are normal challenges that most of us go through in a lifetime of work, and of course some of us do better at overcoming these challenges by moving on to new places and endeavors.  Perhaps you need a new job and place too, but that's not the point I want to make here.

Your statement of "I still feel worthless and i have nothing to live for. i hate myself and my place in society." indicates a deeper problem than just your job.  I remember, even when working as a lowly farm laborer at 16 years old for $1.35 an hour, or working my ass off years later at a grocery store for $2.35 an hour, I still enjoyed work - and more importantly, liked myself and felt a sense of self worth.  I've maintained this love and respect for myself, and appreciation for life, through good and bad jobs, despite having no love or caring family.  How is that?

I can think of only one good answer to explain my positive (self) attitude in life - it's my Christian faith.  First of all, despite my many physical flaws, career challenges, and deficiencies in life I've faced, I'm smart enough to recognize, appreciate, and thank the Lord for my many blessings.  Just watching the news every day, seeing crippled people around me on the streets, and comparing my perceived hardships to others helps put my curses and blessings into a proper perspective.  Secondly, having a personal relationship with my creator, Lord, and savior defines me and my self worth - regardless of circumstances or people around me.  I know who I am, where I came from, what my purpose in life is, and where I'm headed. And as a Christian, that adds up to a pretty positive picture.  It doesn't negate the work hassles, relationship difficulties, and other problems in life, but it gives one a proper context for managing them all - and for maintaining a valuable sense of self worth.

So, perhaps you can pursue a new job that'll move you to a more positive work environment.  There's a lot to be said for working with good people that support, respect, and appreciate you - people that actually give you good social interaction each day that you look forward to.  And with time, you should make gains in salary, savings, and standard of living.  As a person myself who's had several low class jobs before pursuing 3 different careers, I know about moving on to better places and things.  But don't expect your job, financial means, or social status to be the solution to your identity problem.  Do you not realize how many rich, powerful, or successful people live miserable lives of depression, committ suicide, become alcoholics, or struggle to feel loved? (consider Whitney Houston for one).  Obviously, they lack something critical about the purpose and meaning of life.  I'll bet you that few or none are true Christians.

I won't judge your religious status, but I'll ask.  Are you letting God help you along in life, or are you struggling to make it through alone, depending on other imperfect mortals to determine your path? 

I'm availble to talk more about this if you like, but generally visit here just once a week.
Your avatar and name really remind me of Shakugan No Shana, haha. Welcome!
[Image: giphy.gif]
those r bullies not friends


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