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First Post
#1
Hello members of this forum,

I dont know what to say or why i am here but i will introduce myself.
I am a 20 year old male living in holland and i work in IT.

I have lots of people around me and people who come by regularly but i still feel alone.
When it comes to social construct i am allways at the bottom.
In groups of friends im allways the one who gets teased and called names altough i act like i dont care or turn it into a joke.

I have a decent job to support myself altough i work 32 hours to get trough the week.
I still feel worthless and i have nothing to live for. i hate myself and my place in society.

I feel like im trapped i dont want te be social with my "Friends" but im forcing myself to go because i am too afraid to just cut off contact imidiatly also i work with one of them.

I wish i could just close my windows and doors stay inside and never come out. I dont want to be part of this world anymore and just rot away at home.

Thank you for spending your time reading this its a bit long.
TLDR: Just another loser with a story.
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#2
Hi Hectate2,

I'm sorry to hear you have a tough time with your friends. But it sounds like they really get to you. Could you maybe talk to your friends about how they're making you feel? If they truly care about you, then they should understand, and might cut you a little slack. Personally, I think that it's better to be comfortable with your own company, than to be in the company of people who make you feel bad.

Anyway, welcome to the forum.
To quote a popular werewolf film - 'Everyone's cursed.  It's called life'
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#3
Hi.
Those so-called friends of yours sounds like a bunch of assholes.
Talking to them about how they make your feel might be a solution but that depends on if you think they will be open to listening.
You deserve better friends. 
How are you feeling today?
*hug*
We all have demons, I just choose to feed mine.
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#4
Hi Hectate.

I used to be friends with people like that. But took the whole 'rather be alone than in bad company' route.
You deserve to be treated with more respect than that! Sure it might get lonely, but you don't have to put up with that kind of rubbish.

Welcome to the forum though, I hope to see you around!
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#5
(02-12-2019, 08:01 PM)Valkatox Wrote: 'rather be alone than in bad company'
Yup, fuck those guys.

Anyway, welcome Hectate

What branch of IT, if you don't mind me asking?
Hectate2 Wrote:I dont want to be part of this world anymore and just rot away at home.
Yeah, that sounds awfully similar to certain someone with a mecha avatar. Don't want to point any fingers, because I'd rather keep my eyes intact.
Well, hopefully being part of this forum will make you feel better.

See ya around
Crowd control situation! *machine gun fire intensifies*
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#6
I want to thank everyone for their replies,

I am totally stuck and dont know what to do. They can be total assholes but they also can be very nice to me i dont know. its far from my only problem besides being depressed for years and i had a horrible childhood. im not sure if im ready to talk about that now maybe someday.

@x-1 I work as a skilled servicedesk guy. I deal with people's stupid questions and complains. Also do server maintanace etc a bit of everything.

I dont know what to do anymore. im working 32 hours nowadays i cant handle 40 anymore but i have 0 money left after food every month. i dont know what to do about my friends and what direction i want to go in life.
I'm actually looking forward to be able to seclude myself.
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#7
Don't seclude yourself because that will just make things stay the same, feeling worthless hating your life and your place in society.

If your self esteem improved people would respond to you more favorably, but that's easier said than done. I wish I had answers for you.
If you light a lamp for someone, it will also brighten your own path.

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