SheffieldSean
New member
Hi, I'm Sean. I'm 48 and I live in Sheffield, in northern England. I work from home (in payroll, which really is as boring as it sounds!) and I am crushed by loneliness. My therapist suggested I find a forum like this one to make some online friends. I had a pretty unhappy and abusive childhood, which led to me developing a panic disorder in my teens. I battled it for years and never really revealed the extent of it to anyone, least of all myself (I was an expert in lying to myself) but by the age of 36 everything fell apart and I had a breakdown. I became agoraphobic and I was so damaged I could barely function. I was in a relationship at the time but after three years of me being unable to do anything (and the previous 10 years of me being little better) she rightfully left (although in doing so, she kept paying for the place in which I lived until I was able to get help to move out - she was a kind soul who never deserved the hell I put her through). I was assigned a support worker from the homeless charity Shelter and he helped me find a place in social housing. I finally admitted I had a problem and went onto medication. This helped and by 2018 I had found a job and bought a car and was going to work every day. I was by no means well: I was still on antidepressants and the only places I felt safe were my home, the drive to the office in one direction and a nearby supermarket in the other. When the pandemic hit my anxiety flew out of control and I have been indoors pretty much ever since, until last November, when after years of patience and gentleness, my therapist got me to go outside. I have now been outside every day for the past five months and I can easily walk a short distance from my home. The next step is to get on a bus, even if it is for just one stop, and then increase it from there. I'm doing this without medication, having realised that although it served a purpose, it was time to deal with everything from my childhood. Therapy has changed my life. I am so different now to even three years ago. The anger and self-loathing are in retreat and are being replaced by love and compassion. I wish I had done it sooner.
I hope I can make some online friends here and be a friend to others.
I hope I can make some online friends here and be a friend to others.