The past few months I've felt like I have lost direction and purpose.
Without boring anyone with a long version of a story (yes this is the short version even though it's a few paragraphs) -
The past few years I was with someone in a long distance relationship, she wanted to move over here to the UK. I wanted her to be sure that's what she wanted, and we decided to save up some money. As I figured that would give her enough time to make her mind up completely. But she was pretty set on it from the start.
Many visits over the years later, it came to my attention that she was really bad with saving up money. Instead she was making quite stupid choices with her money, such as buying cars and other such investments that she didn't need. (She got free rides to work, yet chose to buy a car and have over half of her wages poured into the thing when she was meant to be saving).
One of her bad decisions came from her moving in with another guy, without even telling me! (that was an awkward Skype call).
And it just so happened this guy was a total creep who was trying to break me and her up for months, which she even knew about and told me. Yet kept disrespecting me and our relationship with regards to him by hanging around with him. I told her it was a red line, she refused to move out as she was scared of him getting mad at her. Short version - we broke up a year ago.
A few months later, around August I was dumb enough to respond to one of her many, many emails.
She was adamant she never cheated on me. But as soon as we broke up she slept with him and got together with him in her words just to "hurt me" and it was a double sting as she had never done it before. (I wasn't rushing her into anything she wasn't comfortable with).
She told me how he was abusive, she was scared of him, how she didn't even like the guy and how she really wanted to leave him because all he ever was, was a convenience to stop her being lonely and so depressed from losing me.
So I gave her one final chance, to prove that she still wanted to make us work and prove herself. Anyway, give it five months and she self admits herself to a mental hospital for depression. She comes out and I have to find out from her own mum that she had moved back in with this 'convenience' guy. I'm 99% sure she was cheating during those few months, as you know. Driving to another town 40 minutes to pay off a car every now and again when it could be done online didn't raise any red flags at all.... not to mention her mum was suspicious the whole time too.
So now having been treated like a doormat, not even being worth being told that she had moved in with him, being purposefully hurt and manipulated, being used for thousands of pounds on visits and other things.
I just don't know what to do anymore.
I wasn't really sad when I found out she moved back in with him. As it happened before right?
If anything I was more upset for her mother, who was very upset because she liked me so much and was enraged at her daughter.
I just felt lost if anything. Felt like she had jumped right into another relationship, she wasted five years of mine and left me adrift. No real friends, no direction, no purpose.
I just wake up every day and all I seem to do is just browse the internet for a while, rinse and repeat. Before I felt like, even if she was dragging her heels and messing me around. I had 'something', you know? Even if it was an abusive relationship.
But now to people I'm at most just another name on the internet, not important.
Sorry this has just turned into a ramble. I'll probably end up deleting this as I've no idea why I even started typing it out in the first place.
I don't even have anyone to really talk to about it so it's just nice to put it in words somewhere even if it gets overlooked.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far.
Without boring anyone with a long version of a story (yes this is the short version even though it's a few paragraphs) -
The past few years I was with someone in a long distance relationship, she wanted to move over here to the UK. I wanted her to be sure that's what she wanted, and we decided to save up some money. As I figured that would give her enough time to make her mind up completely. But she was pretty set on it from the start.
Many visits over the years later, it came to my attention that she was really bad with saving up money. Instead she was making quite stupid choices with her money, such as buying cars and other such investments that she didn't need. (She got free rides to work, yet chose to buy a car and have over half of her wages poured into the thing when she was meant to be saving).
One of her bad decisions came from her moving in with another guy, without even telling me! (that was an awkward Skype call).
And it just so happened this guy was a total creep who was trying to break me and her up for months, which she even knew about and told me. Yet kept disrespecting me and our relationship with regards to him by hanging around with him. I told her it was a red line, she refused to move out as she was scared of him getting mad at her. Short version - we broke up a year ago.
A few months later, around August I was dumb enough to respond to one of her many, many emails.
She was adamant she never cheated on me. But as soon as we broke up she slept with him and got together with him in her words just to "hurt me" and it was a double sting as she had never done it before. (I wasn't rushing her into anything she wasn't comfortable with).
She told me how he was abusive, she was scared of him, how she didn't even like the guy and how she really wanted to leave him because all he ever was, was a convenience to stop her being lonely and so depressed from losing me.
So I gave her one final chance, to prove that she still wanted to make us work and prove herself. Anyway, give it five months and she self admits herself to a mental hospital for depression. She comes out and I have to find out from her own mum that she had moved back in with this 'convenience' guy. I'm 99% sure she was cheating during those few months, as you know. Driving to another town 40 minutes to pay off a car every now and again when it could be done online didn't raise any red flags at all.... not to mention her mum was suspicious the whole time too.
So now having been treated like a doormat, not even being worth being told that she had moved in with him, being purposefully hurt and manipulated, being used for thousands of pounds on visits and other things.
I just don't know what to do anymore.
I wasn't really sad when I found out she moved back in with him. As it happened before right?
If anything I was more upset for her mother, who was very upset because she liked me so much and was enraged at her daughter.
I just felt lost if anything. Felt like she had jumped right into another relationship, she wasted five years of mine and left me adrift. No real friends, no direction, no purpose.
I just wake up every day and all I seem to do is just browse the internet for a while, rinse and repeat. Before I felt like, even if she was dragging her heels and messing me around. I had 'something', you know? Even if it was an abusive relationship.
But now to people I'm at most just another name on the internet, not important.
Sorry this has just turned into a ramble. I'll probably end up deleting this as I've no idea why I even started typing it out in the first place.
I don't even have anyone to really talk to about it so it's just nice to put it in words somewhere even if it gets overlooked.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far.