Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Kids eh!!
#1
Hey i got a problem.I've got a very qiuet sixteen year old son who i think needs to find a job to help  him mix and talk with people his age and older.My other two are both working and most of the time enjoying their work and from what they say are fulfilled.My youngest is very negative in every respect which im finding hard to deal with and i'm not used to it.He would happily stay in his room all summer except when he works with me or if we do some activity.He sais he's going to apply for supermarket jobs but he never gets round to it.I'm sick of nagging him and its only one day a week which at sixteen is all he's allowed to do before he goes back to school.

Why is he by default negative , he'll argue with me and its always a negative outcome in his mind i just give up and say ok mate your right and just clam up.Any one here that was just so negative at sixteen and as an aside what holiday jobs were you doing at sixteen. 

A bonus is that his room is immaculate and he's uber sensible its just the negativity it drives me nuts.
Reply
#2
Personality and traits aren’t all molded during childhood, it’s also somewhat given at birth. We are all born as unique individuals. 
Even with a perfect childhood you can get different results on how the kids turn out. 
Seems like you got a kid that more easily falls into negative thought patterns and that maybe are more sensitive? It may require a whole different way of dealing with him than with your other kids. 
I would try and get information on how to help him. I’m sure there are other parents out there with the same problem or maybe even talking with a professional but I guess that depends on the severity of the problem.
[Image: tenor.gif]
Reply
#3
(07-11-2019, 10:25 PM)MissBehave Wrote: Personality and traits aren’t all molded during childhood, it’s also somewhat given at birth. We are all born as unique individuals. 
Even with a perfect childhood you can get different results on how the kids turn out. 
Seems like you got a kid that more easily falls into negative thought patterns and that maybe are more sensitive? It may require a whole different way of dealing with him than with your other kids. 
I would try and get information on how to help him. I’m sure there are other parents out there with the same problem or maybe even talking with a professional but I guess that depends on the severity of the problem.
Ok thanks for your time.He has started looking now so maybe i was overthinking it and he wanted to search when he was ready.
Reply
#4
(07-11-2019, 08:35 PM)Just Games Wrote: Hey i got a problem.I've got a very qiuet sixteen year old son who i think needs to find a job to help  him mix and talk with people his age and older.My other two are both working and most of the time enjoying their work and from what they say are fulfilled.My youngest is very negative in every respect which im finding hard to deal with and i'm not used to it.He would happily stay in his room all summer except when he works with me or if we do some activity.He sais he's going to apply for supermarket jobs but he never gets round to it.I'm sick of nagging him and its only one day a week which at sixteen is all he's allowed to do before he goes back to school.

Why is he by default negative , he'll argue with me and its always a negative outcome in his mind i just give up and say ok mate your right and just clam up.Any one here that was just so negative at sixteen and as an aside what holiday jobs were you doing at sixteen. 

A bonus is that his room is immaculate and he's uber sensible its just the negativity it drives me nuts.

Hi, I'm sorry that you are going thru such a ruff time with your 16 yr old son. I am happy to hear that his room is in great shape and helps you. What comes to mind here is that there is an underlying issue. Maybe he is missing his friends, maybe he is has a fear of social groups... not social savy, which is all the more reason as a parent to simply sit down and ask if there is anything that he may be struggling with that he would like to share with you ... speaking to him in a manner of concern, compassion and love. total sincere no negative thoughts or accusations.. simple words. Keep in mind that kids now days go thru so much more than what we did as kids and society is much more cruel now. Is he getting bullied, or does he have friends that he wishes to talk to and cant because of summer. are their people he talks to that at negative influence.... be a creative parent. try talking to him in a way that shows to care and how he feels and try to understand his point of view be it right or wrong. sometimes when a parent looks into the heart and takes a glimpse of their childs heart and mind that is valuable insight in how to react and set positive example and boundaries. this is true for any type of relationship... knowledge is power. Hope this helps. please get back to us n how he is doing. I would like to pray for him and you. hugs my friend. Smile
Reply
#5
(07-12-2019, 04:46 AM)Sabio77 Wrote:
(07-11-2019, 08:35 PM)Just Games Wrote: Hey i got a problem.I've got a very qiuet sixteen year old son who i think needs to find a job to help  him mix and talk with people his age and older.My other two are both working and most of the time enjoying their work and from what they say are fulfilled.My youngest is very negative in every respect which im finding hard to deal with and i'm not used to it.He would happily stay in his room all summer except when he works with me or if we do some activity.He sais he's going to apply for supermarket jobs but he never gets round to it.I'm sick of nagging him and its only one day a week which at sixteen is all he's allowed to do before he goes back to school.

Why is he by default negative , he'll argue with me and its always a negative outcome in his mind i just give up and say ok mate your right and just clam up.Any one here that was just so negative at sixteen and as an aside what holiday jobs were you doing at sixteen. 

A bonus is that his room is immaculate and he's uber sensible its just the negativity it drives me nuts.

Hi, I'm sorry that you are going thru such a ruff time with your 16 yr old son.  I am happy to hear that his room is in great shape and helps you.  What comes to mind here is that there is an underlying issue.  Maybe he is missing his friends, maybe  he is has a fear of social groups... not social savy, which is all the more reason as a parent to simply sit down and ask if there is anything that he may be struggling with that he would like to share with you ... speaking to him in a manner of concern, compassion and love.  total sincere no negative thoughts or accusations.. simple words.  Keep in mind that kids now days go thru so much more than what we did as kids and society is much more cruel now.  Is he getting bullied, or does he have friends that he wishes to talk to and cant because of summer.  are their people he talks to that at negative influence.... be a creative parent.  try talking to him in a way that shows to care and how he feels and try to understand his point of view be it right or wrong.  sometimes when a parent looks into the heart and takes a glimpse of their childs heart and mind that is valuable insight in how to react and set positive example and boundaries.  this is true for any type of relationship... knowledge is power.  Hope this helps.  please get back to us n how he is doing.  I would like to pray for him and you.  hugs my friend.  Smile

What a kind thoughtful post thankyou.I have sat down with him before but he got very upset and emotional. We know he's not being bullied there are definetly no signs of that.l  just think if i raise it again he'll think i'm making an issue of it so as with my two others we keep a close eye on him so we know if anything is wrong.He mixes fine with the family and has sparodic contact over the internet with one friend he knows from way back and goes to his once a year Birthday  sleepovers with friends of this friend but doesnt meet up with him other than that in real life.

He hasn't brought any friends back from school ever so i'm not sure why this is.I was hoping if he met new people in a job he'd meet good but hopefully not too many bad people in a work situation which he cant do with my work because of the nature of the job.

Thanks for your imput i'm hoping he'll get a little job and see what happens from there.
Reply
#6
Just thought i'd update before work.My son i think just wants to work with me which isn't the end of the world .He's a great worker literally runs between tasks and has asked for more days working with me.Alot i could write but i dunno i'm just so proud of him and he's very interested in Law for his A levels so crossed fingers he'll get the grades.So not going to stress about his lack of friends because he'll probably make them like i did when he starts work or University at eighteen Smile
Reply
#7
[Image: giphy.gif]
                            ❤️
[Image: tenor.gif]
Reply
#8
I think sometimes you just have to let kids be kids and not worry too much. They'll either get there eventually or they won't and if you push too hard, they are more likely to rebel.
It's more on them to make their life what they want. Just make sure opportunities are available to them and encourage them.

Now, how did you get him to clean his room? Club
Want to talk?  Check out the CHAT ROOM 
[Image: 68694043_2341967022788228_46455155003665...Ng%3D%3D.2]
Reply
#9
(07-17-2019, 08:52 PM)TheRealCallie Wrote: I think sometimes you just have to let kids be kids and not worry too much.  They'll either get there eventually or they won't and if you push too hard, they are more likely to rebel.  
It's more on them to make their life what they want.  Just make sure opportunities are available to them and encourage them.  

Now, how did you get him to clean his room?  Club

Thanks Real Callie/Miss Behave.I've always been  quite a liberal Dad a bit Hands off if you know what i mean.  We got there eventually with my other two with a few stresses on the way lol but they both seem happy now.I'm introducing little gentle nudges ideas for my youngest but i'm thinking why.... cause he just seems fine with the way his life is.He doesn't drink or smoke like my others did.

Anyway he's a bit chip of the old block and his room its frightening how tidy it is but so am i ,opposite of his brother who he complains about and he even sais Dad why haven't you opened your bills today you cant hide from them lol.Thanks for your thoughts always welcome from the ladies of ALL Winkoooopps and Gents.
Reply
#10
I'm pretty much mirroring most of what's best said here. The thing about Millennials and Generation Z'ers is that the now homebody social atmosphere of being online or on your phones 24/7 has bred more introverts than extroverts these days. At least, it's made their extroverted intuitions and thinking very suppressed which can probably cause someone who isn't introverted to be more depressed and not understanding why. Or someone who is introverted, more fearful or drained too quickly from outside stimuli and that they don't belong simply because they are often misunderstood or deemed uninspiring/lazy by older generations. Simply for lacking the confidence and experience of being outside and not absorbing enough of it as second nature as the earlier generations. The social groups/circles have grown significantly smaller too so seeing one that they never been around before will most definitely make them uncomfortable and even give social anxiety to someone whom necessarily never had it before.

There's this overwhelming feeling of teenagers these days with some Generation X or Baby Boomer parents that nothing they do is good enough or they aren't good enough. They lack confidence greatly and end up closing themselves off than actual rebelling like the previous generations because there is less heart to heart and understanding as most indications of wanting to share themselves is seen wrongly and/or judged. Not saying this is you, I can see you're not like that at all. I apologize, I'm just rambling now to get to my point that relates to this lol. Toungue In my opinion, A rebelling teenager is actually actively fighting their depression or distracting themselves from it the best they can and more times than not are actually extroverted.

Similar to what's been said here already, just support them and their decisions and have heart to hearts just as often or not more than pushing/scolding. They just may be late bloomers or need that reality shove to get things going over time. And constructive criticism from the world rather than family might be all that they need, they are just doing it at a smaller and less overwhelming pace. Let them fall into their own dirt and pick themselves up, you're just there to help pick them up if they struggle getting up is all.

Your son might actually be perfectly fine and content with his bond with you. You might actually be his best friend. I'm biased here because that's how I was as a kid. My father was my best friend. Toungue Personally, it sounds like your son is more mature for his age group and just doesn't feel like he fits in with kids his age or might actually feel like a outcast rather than being bullied. Being self-aware that you don't belong and will be seen wrongly can actually keep him from wanting to meet new people. Or, he might be a introverted feeling type that gets mentally drained fast around too many new people so he avoids it all together. And his negativity could be his view of the world and that everything done is in vain paired alongside his generation's already thoughts and feelings of they aren't good enough or constantly misunderstood.

For what it's worth, you seem like an amazing and most definitely a very caring Father, especially with how much he's on your mind and how much you talk about your children. Any child would be extremely lucky to have you as a father. Smile

Oh and, I agree with MissBehave. Yes, how someone is raised plays a factor but one's personality they are often 'born with' plays a much larger role imo. Just look at kids with 3 or more siblings. Same upbringing, different personalities. I too have 3 siblings and I am NOTHING like them lol. I was the youngest and was accustomed to being the 'emotional glue/therapist' of the family despite that.
Reply


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)