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Kids eh!!
#11
(Yesterday, 02:56 AM)Siku Wrote: I'm pretty much mirroring most of what's best said here. The thing about Millennials and Generation Z'ers is that the now homebody social atmosphere of being online or on your phones 24/7 has bred more introverts than extroverts these days. At least, it's made their extroverted intuitions and thinking very suppressed which can probably cause someone who isn't introverted to be more depressed and not understanding why. Or someone who is introverted, more fearful or drained too quickly from outside stimuli and that they don't belong simply because they are often misunderstood or deemed uninspiring/lazy by older generations.  Simply for lacking the confidence and experience of being outside and not absorbing enough of it as second nature as the earlier generations. The social groups/circles have grown significantly smaller too so seeing one that they never been around before will most definitely make them uncomfortable and even give social anxiety to someone whom necessarily never had it before.

There's this overwhelming feeling of teenagers these days with some Generation X or Baby Boomer parents that nothing they do is good enough or they aren't good enough. They lack confidence greatly and end up closing themselves off than actual rebelling like the previous generations because there is less heart to heart and understanding as most indications of wanting to share themselves is seen wrongly and/or judged. Not saying this is you, I can see you're not like that at all. I apologize, I'm just rambling now to get to my point that relates to this lol. Toungue In my opinion, A rebelling teenager is actually actively fighting their depression or distracting themselves from it the best they can and more times than not are actually extroverted.

Similar to what's been said here already, just support them and their decisions and have heart to hearts just as often or not more than pushing/scolding. They just may be late bloomers or need that reality shove to get things going over time. And positive criticism from the world rather than family that they may feel don't understand them. Let them fall into their own dirt and pick themselves up, you're just there to help pick them up if they struggle getting up is all.

Your son might actually be perfectly fine and content with his bond with you. You might actually be his best friend. I'm biased here because that's how I was as a kid. My father was my best friend. Toungue Personally, it sounds like your son is more mature for his age group and just doesn't feel like he fits in with kids his age or might actually feel like a outcast rather than being bullied. Being self-aware that you don't belong and will be seen wrongly can actually keep him from wanting to meet new people. Or, he might be a introverted feeling type that gets mentally drained fast around too many new people so he avoids it all together. And his negativity could be his view of the world and that everything done is in vain paired alongside his generation's already thoughts and feelings of they aren't good enough or constantly misunderstood.

For what it's worth, you seem like an amazing and most definitely a very caring Father, especially with how much he's on your mind and how much you talk about your children. Any child would be extremely lucky to have you as a father. Smile

Thanks Siku that was a lovely thing to say Smile .My family are my life and we've been through some stuff i can tell you. What a learning process it has been with my first two but my wife my best friend we've got through it all but even tonite my eldest has upset her best friend so its a never ending battle but of course you have to be there for your kids when the sh$t hits the fan lol.

So pleased you have a great relationship with your Dad i bet that means alot to him and you sound so much like my eldest a very thoughtful man with feelings ,a son to be proud of i bet.

I'm going to reread the top paras a couple of times because it takes me a while lol to process everything you understand i'm just a manual worker....

Thanks so much.By the way i told my son about you my oldest and he thinks he's an INFJ aswell .Before he met his latest girlfriend we were having some major convos about life , motivators on youtube,  religion ,hundreds of convos about life ,now he's just walking on air lol he's found a girl doing a degree so hes in heaven convo wise  after the two years of getting over the last one which was very painful for him.I always said to my wife he just needs to meet another girl and that all he needed,i was right  Big Grin
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#12
(Yesterday, 03:26 AM)Just Games Wrote:
(Yesterday, 02:56 AM)Siku Wrote: I'm pretty much mirroring most of what's best said here. The thing about Millennials and Generation Z'ers is that the now homebody social atmosphere of being online or on your phones 24/7 has bred more introverts than extroverts these days. At least, it's made their extroverted intuitions and thinking very suppressed which can probably cause someone who isn't introverted to be more depressed and not understanding why. Or someone who is introverted, more fearful or drained too quickly from outside stimuli and that they don't belong simply because they are often misunderstood or deemed uninspiring/lazy by older generations.  Simply for lacking the confidence and experience of being outside and not absorbing enough of it as second nature as the earlier generations. The social groups/circles have grown significantly smaller too so seeing one that they never been around before will most definitely make them uncomfortable and even give social anxiety to someone whom necessarily never had it before.

There's this overwhelming feeling of teenagers these days with some Generation X or Baby Boomer parents that nothing they do is good enough or they aren't good enough. They lack confidence greatly and end up closing themselves off than actual rebelling like the previous generations because there is less heart to heart and understanding as most indications of wanting to share themselves is seen wrongly and/or judged. Not saying this is you, I can see you're not like that at all. I apologize, I'm just rambling now to get to my point that relates to this lol. Toungue In my opinion, A rebelling teenager is actually actively fighting their depression or distracting themselves from it the best they can and more times than not are actually extroverted.

Similar to what's been said here already, just support them and their decisions and have heart to hearts just as often or not more than pushing/scolding. They just may be late bloomers or need that reality shove to get things going over time. And positive criticism from the world rather than family that they may feel don't understand them. Let them fall into their own dirt and pick themselves up, you're just there to help pick them up if they struggle getting up is all.

Your son might actually be perfectly fine and content with his bond with you. You might actually be his best friend. I'm biased here because that's how I was as a kid. My father was my best friend. Toungue Personally, it sounds like your son is more mature for his age group and just doesn't feel like he fits in with kids his age or might actually feel like a outcast rather than being bullied. Being self-aware that you don't belong and will be seen wrongly can actually keep him from wanting to meet new people. Or, he might be a introverted feeling type that gets mentally drained fast around too many new people so he avoids it all together. And his negativity could be his view of the world and that everything done is in vain paired alongside his generation's already thoughts and feelings of they aren't good enough or constantly misunderstood.

For what it's worth, you seem like an amazing and most definitely a very caring Father, especially with how much he's on your mind and how much you talk about your children. Any child would be extremely lucky to have you as a father. Smile

Thanks Siku that was a lovely thing to say Smile .My family are my life and we've been through some stuff i can tell you. What a learning process it has been with my first two but my wife my best friend we've got through it all but even tonite my eldest has upset her best friend so its a never ending battle but of course you have to be there for your kids when the sh$t hits the fan lol.

So pleased you have a great relationship with your Dad i bet that means alot to him and you sound so much like my eldest a very thoughtful man with feelings ,a son to be proud of i bet.

I'm going to reread the top paras a couple of times because it takes me a while lol to process everything you understand i'm just a manual worker....

Thanks so much.By the way i told my son about you my oldest and he thinks he's an INFJ aswell .Before he met his latest girlfriend we were having some major convos about life , motivators on youtube,  religion ,hundreds of convos about life ,now he's just walking on air lol he's found a girl doing a degree so hes in heaven convo wise  after the two years of getting over the last one which was very painful for him.I always said to my wife he just needs to meet another girl and that all he needed,i was right  Big Grin

I greatly appreciate the always kind and warm words in return. Big Grin

Sorry to hear about the hardships, on the bright site I'm sure you'll agree it most certainly builds character. And of course, there's always circumstances that require parents to step in. Smile

No worries, It was just my typical ramblings that I hoped would give a new perspective to some readers. Besides, I get this strong vibe you didn't need any of that anyway so you can skip over it or worry not about it. Haha.

I'm primarily a manual worker as well despite being a nerd. Doing any work on things that I thoroughly enjoy will just suck the soul out of it for me lol. You sound like you need to give yourself more credit, there's different signs of intelligence besides being good with words or book smarts. You're not 'just a manual worker'. You seem like a very smart and thoughtful, and most importantly, a very perceptive man yourself. So, maybe you actually rubbed off quite a bit on your eldest. Smile

Thank you!  My father passed in 08 and I grew up being his caregiver until his final days. I looked up to him greatly and although he wasn't very expressive on the outside, I always felt his love in all the little things. And I know in my heart he's proud of what I've become despite never saying it. That was very nice of you to say.

Very happy to hear about your other son. I think he just might be an INFJ after all because we already sound alike just from that little description haha. Finding just the right person to filter the constant thoughts, ideals, and over-bearing questioning of one-self can make an INFJ severely depressed if left inside their own head for too long. And is also why I talk too damn much on here lol. You need to find that special someone who can relate and you can unwind all that build up too and vice versa... It can't be ignored or else they get lost in themselves. So yes, he already sounds a lot like me just from that brief description you gave. Or rather, I sound like him. Haha. Big Grin I'm happy for him! I think we'd get along famously.

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#13
(Yesterday, 04:23 AM)Siku Wrote:
(Yesterday, 03:26 AM)Just Games Wrote:
(Yesterday, 02:56 AM)Siku Wrote: I'm pretty much mirroring most of what's best said here. The thing about Millennials and Generation Z'ers is that the now homebody social atmosphere of being online or on your phones 24/7 has bred more introverts than extroverts these days. At least, it's made their extroverted intuitions and thinking very suppressed which can probably cause someone who isn't introverted to be more depressed and not understanding why. Or someone who is introverted, more fearful or drained too quickly from outside stimuli and that they don't belong simply because they are often misunderstood or deemed uninspiring/lazy by older generations.  Simply for lacking the confidence and experience of being outside and not absorbing enough of it as second nature as the earlier generations. The social groups/circles have grown significantly smaller too so seeing one that they never been around before will most definitely make them uncomfortable and even give social anxiety to someone whom necessarily never had it before.

There's this overwhelming feeling of teenagers these days with some Generation X or Baby Boomer parents that nothing they do is good enough or they aren't good enough. They lack confidence greatly and end up closing themselves off than actual rebelling like the previous generations because there is less heart to heart and understanding as most indications of wanting to share themselves is seen wrongly and/or judged. Not saying this is you, I can see you're not like that at all. I apologize, I'm just rambling now to get to my point that relates to this lol. Toungue In my opinion, A rebelling teenager is actually actively fighting their depression or distracting themselves from it the best they can and more times than not are actually extroverted.

Similar to what's been said here already, just support them and their decisions and have heart to hearts just as often or not more than pushing/scolding. They just may be late bloomers or need that reality shove to get things going over time. And positive criticism from the world rather than family that they may feel don't understand them. Let them fall into their own dirt and pick themselves up, you're just there to help pick them up if they struggle getting up is all.

Your son might actually be perfectly fine and content with his bond with you. You might actually be his best friend. I'm biased here because that's how I was as a kid. My father was my best friend. Toungue Personally, it sounds like your son is more mature for his age group and just doesn't feel like he fits in with kids his age or might actually feel like a outcast rather than being bullied. Being self-aware that you don't belong and will be seen wrongly can actually keep him from wanting to meet new people. Or, he might be a introverted feeling type that gets mentally drained fast around too many new people so he avoids it all together. And his negativity could be his view of the world and that everything done is in vain paired alongside his generation's already thoughts and feelings of they aren't good enough or constantly misunderstood.

For what it's worth, you seem like an amazing and most definitely a very caring Father, especially with how much he's on your mind and how much you talk about your children. Any child would be extremely lucky to have you as a father. Smile

Thanks Siku that was a lovely thing to say Smile .My family are my life and we've been through some stuff i can tell you. What a learning process it has been with my first two but my wife my best friend we've got through it all but even tonite my eldest has upset her best friend so its a never ending battle but of course you have to be there for your kids when the sh$t hits the fan lol.

So pleased you have a great relationship with your Dad i bet that means alot to him and you sound so much like my eldest a very thoughtful man with feelings ,a son to be proud of i bet.

I'm going to reread the top paras a couple of times because it takes me a while lol to process everything you understand i'm just a manual worker....

Thanks so much.By the way i told my son about you my oldest and he thinks he's an INFJ aswell .Before he met his latest girlfriend we were having some major convos about life , motivators on youtube,  religion ,hundreds of convos about life ,now he's just walking on air lol he's found a girl doing a degree so hes in heaven convo wise  after the two years of getting over the last one which was very painful for him.I always said to my wife he just needs to meet another girl and that all he needed,i was right  Big Grin

I greatly appreciate the always kind and warm words in return. Big Grin

Sorry to hear about the hardships, on the bright site I'm sure you'll agree it most certainly builds character. And of course, there's always circumstances that require parents to step in. Smile

No worries, It was just my typical ramblings that I hoped would give a new perspective to some readers. Besides, I get this strong vibe you didn't need any of that anyway so you can skip over it or worry not about it. Haha.

I'm primarily a manual worker as well despite being a nerd. Doing any work on things that I thoroughly enjoy will just suck the soul out of it for me lol. You sound like you need to give yourself more credit, there's different signs of intelligence besides being good with words or book smarts. You're not 'just a manual worker'. You seem like a very smart and thoughtful, and most importantly, a very perceptive man yourself. So, maybe you actually rubbed off quite a bit on your eldest. Smile

Thank you!  My father passed in 08 and I grew up being his caregiver until his final days. I looked up to him greatly and although he wasn't very expressive on the outside, I always felt his love in all the little things. And I know in my heart he's proud of what I've become despite never saying it. That was very nice of you to say.

Very happy to hear about your other son. I think he just might be an INFJ after all because we already sound alike just from that little description haha. Finding just the right person to filter the constant thoughts, ideals, and over-bearing questioning of one-self can make an INFJ severely depressed if left inside their own head for too long. And is also why I talk too damn much on here lol. You need to find that special someone who can relate and you can unwind all that build up too and vice versa... It can't be ignored or else they get lost in themselves. So yes, he already sounds a lot like me just from that brief description you gave. Or rather, I sound like him. Haha. Big Grin I'm happy for him! I think we'd get along famously.
Siku ...i always read everything you write because i learn alot from your thoughts .I've just been shopping with my youngest and i noticed when i was chatting with the till lady he looked the complete opposite way so i'm going to read your valuable post and start to hopefully apply it to my son because he is after my little convo in the car more complex than i thought.

Don't ever stop writing...this Englishman always reads everything you put down Smile
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#14
I'm glad to help but please, don't let my thoughts keep you narrow either. He is his own person after all. Maybe just use them as a guide to understand him from a different angle, and besides, you'd know more than me since you're around him after all. I don't want my views to potentially misunderstand him either. Toungue

Despite my general dislike of categorizing anyone anything because of how complex people can be... The Myers-Brigg's table can be very helpful for those personalities that need help in understanding all their traits and how to mature themselves. So, I've personally learned to embrace it rather than question it. Maybe try to see if your son is willing to take the test himself sometime, and make sure he does it sincerely otherwise it defeats the entire purpose if he gets the wrong results. Smile

And do me a favor please, if you don't mind, and take it too. I'm very curious what you get. Big Grin

https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test (it's free and takes less than 12 minutes)

As always, good sir, I really appreciate you saying all that, and that last sentence of your reply most certainly helps with my insecurities.

Oh and for the record, I'm a bit envious that you live in England (not because I'm a huge Doctor Who fan lol). Despite being from NYC, I love British culture and there's something very relatable and familiar about the etiquette to me (especially overly polite Londoners). And I watch a lot of BBC programing. Toungue Again, thank you, your feedback is actually helping me as well. Big Grin

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#15
(Yesterday, 09:13 AM)Siku Wrote: I'm glad to help but please, don't let my thoughts keep you narrow either. He is his own person after all. Maybe just use them as a guide to understand him from a different angle, and besides, you'd know more than me since you're around him after all. I don't want my views to potentially misunderstand him either. Toungue

Despite my general dislike of categorizing anyone anything because of how complex people can be... The Myers-Brigg's table can be very helpful for those personalities that need help in understanding all their traits and how to mature themselves. So, I've personally learned to embrace it rather than question it. Maybe try to see if your son is willing to take the test himself sometime, and make sure he does it sincerely otherwise it defeats the entire purpose if he gets the wrong results. Smile

And do me a favor please, if you don't mind, and take it too. I'm very curious what you get. Big Grin

https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test (it's free and takes less than 12 minutes)

As always, good sir, I really appreciate you saying all that, and that last sentence of your reply most certainly helps with my insecurities.

Oh and for the record, I'm a bit envious that you live in England (not because I'm a huge Doctor Who fan lol). Despite being from NYC, I love British culture and there's something very relatable and familiar about the etiquette to me (especially overly polite Londoners). And I watch a lot of BBC programing. Toungue Again, thank you, your feedback is actually helping me as well. Big Grin

ISFP-T is the result of the test Siku thanks although its been a bit hectic at home at the moment i filled it out in a hurry so will do it a couple of times to be sure , i think i didn't think the answers through enough .

My son got very defensive when i broached his opinion of other kids at school i'm not sure how to handle this because my oldest as i said asked for so much advice and my opinions on all sorts alot of course about women when he split from his girlfriend so just going to give it time and take him out ....the next thing being ice hockey we've never seen before and he wants to go.

I'm sorry so brief but have to get ready for work but will look further into all this when less busy at home.Many thanks everyone for your advice its invaluable when you have kids with such different personalities.

Just wanted to say if you are new on here and have a problem or just want to vent don't hold back ..put out a thread its so easy and you get some great advice from people who care.
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